


The Cure

by ZazzyZ



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: 7 days to die au, Alternate Universe - Zombies, Background Poly, F/M, Family Dynamics, Funhaus also appear, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Multi, Romance, Secret Relationship, Team Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2019-08-02 21:26:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 66,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16312982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZazzyZ/pseuds/ZazzyZ
Summary: 7 Days to Die AU.Michael can't remember a time before the zombie apocalypse. He can't remember a time before he lived at Haven, a settlement for people who believed science was the way to end the fight against zombies. He couldn't remember a time before he was a Soldier, tasked with protecting the lives of the smarter members of society at the cost of his own life.When Michael is forced to leave Haven, he doesn't know any other kind of life. But maybe meeting a unusual band of outsiders will be exactly what he needs. Or maybe all he needs is the bafflingly mysterious one named Gavin...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi there, thanks for clicking through!
> 
> So I've been writing this story for maybe a year or two now, ever since the first 7 Days to Die Let's Plays. I honestly expected it to be done last year but I kept thinking of new things to add and it got longer and longer. And now Achievement Hunter don't even have the house I wrote about in this story anymore! Ah well. C'est la vie.
> 
> Basically it took me so long to post because I like to write the whole story before posting it so I can have a regular post schedule that is not reliant on if I've finished the chapter or not. So expect to have a new chapter every 3-4 days! And they'll probably be pretty long chapters, too.
> 
> I also just wanted to note that in this story specifically, it is a fact of life to the characters that if you are bitten by a zombie even once you will turn - unlike in the game, where they're popping big jars of pills left and right to stop themselves from turning into a zombie.
> 
> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy!

Michael was not a leader. Michael was a follower. Which was why he was currently following two bespectacled men down a shadowy, badly lit street, though his every instinct screamed that they were walking into danger.

It was times like this that he wished he were smart. Maybe then this would be someone else’s job, and he’d be one of those bespectacled men, oblivious and impervious to danger. He would be prompting someone else to do dangerous things with little regard for their personal safety, and he would be valued by the settlement, in life and in death. 

And maybe he wouldn’t ever be bitten by a zombie, as he was five minutes later. And he wouldn’t have those two bespectacled men rescue him, which was the very height of non-uniformity. And they wouldn’t see fit to tourniquet his arm and amputate it, just above the elbow, because they thought it would stop the spread of the zombie virus. And he wouldn’t spend the next year running for his life from his own people for a crime he didn’t commit. 

But Michael wasn’t smart, and that was exactly what happened. And it all began because the two bespectacled men –Professor Hardy and his Assistant Mike – wanted to observe zombie horde patterns.

“There will be a horde in the streets,” Professor Hardy said confidently to Mike, who nodded wisely. Above them, the sun was throwing ominous shadows off of the tall buildings that lined the street. It was unnerving.

Suppressing a grimace, Michael tightened his hands on his gun, his eyes dancing across the street. Michael hated this. This was against every procedure he’d ever been taught, but what could he do? The Professor was the head of the Academics Department, and in every conceivable way, this man was his superior. And above all else, Michael was just a Soldier. Disposable. Zombie fodder. This is the way it had always been.

Michael was from the Haven settlement, the largest for a thousand miles round. There were over 2000 people at Haven, and it was because of a single system that it was that way. When the virus spread some twenty years ago – when Michael was just eight – those who banded together at this settlement developed a hardy system that kept those who could cure the virus alive. If you were smart, you were the elite at Haven. If you were not, you needed to protect those who could save the human race.

Michael was not smart enough, and that was that. He arrived at Haven with his mother, who was shot in front of him at the gates when they saw bite-marks on her leg. Now an orphan, he was tested with over three hundred other children, and they were sorted accordingly. Worker, Academic or Soldier. You could make food and serve the others, but if you did that you were never allowed to leave. Or you could face the impossible task of finding a cure to the zombie virus, but you had to be specially chosen for that. Failing those, you could lay down your life to protect the others.

Michael had looked up at the night sky that night and vowed he would see it from all over the world, like he would have if this virus never happened.

Yeah, he wasn’t smart enough. But he was strong enough. So he would become a Soldier.

And maybe there was a niggling doubt in the back of his mind. Maybe it started when his mom’s blood was splattered against his face outside Haven. But the system just felt wrong, sometimes. He knew the rules as well as anyone; could recite them by rote.

_You are a Soldier. When escorting Academics outside Haven walls, you are to protect them with your life. If you are outnumbered, you must lay down your life to give them a chance to escape._

_And if your charges die, you will be tried for criminal negligence and you will die by hanging._

Michael knew the law. He had watched three of his fellow Soldiers meet their end that way, returning to Haven without their charges. He watched them hang over the outside of the settlement walls for days until their bodies were torn down by zombies. They were his friends. So yeah, he had his doubts. But when he did, he set his jaw and ignored the thrill of fear it incited in him. Because he wouldn’t be one of them. That would mean he would have to lose a charge to zombies. And everyone knew he was the best there was.

“Zombies!” shouted Professor Hardy excitedly, as a small horde of around ten zombies shuffled around the corner. Michael shushed him with alarm, though it was beyond his stature to do. By the look on the Professor’s face, he would be facing a disciplinary hearing for that when he got home, but he pushed the thought away. He stepped in front of the Academics as they pulled out notepads and began scribbling earnestly. The zombies shuffled closer and Michael’s heart beat nervously in his throat. 

See, there had actually been two Soldiers on this journey. That was protocol – one Soldier for every Academic, if not more. But things had gone south quickly yesterday, trying to lure zombies for the Academics’ tests. He and his fellow Soldier, Sean, stood back to back as they were surrounded, fighting off a small horde. But Mike had come closer to observe their horde fight patterns, and Sean was distracted for just a moment – and they had latched on to him, torn him apart before Michael’s eyes. He barely had a chance to escape while they were distracted with Sean’s body.

Just as shaken as the Academics by the incident, Michael had insisted they return back to Haven for backup and supplies. Ultimately, however, it was not his choice. The Academics had conferred and decided to continue the mission. It took months to gain approval to leave Haven’s walls.

Michael hated this. Every fibre in his being told him the risks were unnecessary. But they wouldn’t hear it, and he was just a Soldier. So here he was, readying his weapons as three zombies shuffled within a few metres of them.

He shifted his weight to his back foot and lifted his rifle to his shoulder. Finger on the trigger loosely, he sighted the zombies through the scope, groaning softly to himself as he noticed another four further down the street.

“Professor?” he said in a soft, clear voice. “Have you taken all the notes you need?”

There was a long silence, and Michael finally jerked his head up, worried they were no longer there. He was relieved to see merely had their heads bent, writing obliviously. 

Meanwhile, the zombies were less than two steps away. Michael cocked his gun, planning to blow the head off of the first couple and take the rest, when Hardy spoke.

“Wait!”

Michael started. “Sir, they are too close – you are in danger –“

Zombies moving within swinging distance distracted Michael; one took a swipe at him and Michael promptly blew its head off. He heard Hardy shout angrily from behind him, but there were more coming.

The other zombies howled and snarled as their leader fell, lurching over his body with renewed vigour. Michael stepped back hastily as the rest of the zombies caught up with the frontrunners, and then four things happened at once.

Michael drew his gun and lined up a shot on the closest zombie. That zombie leapt at him. Michael heard the Professor and Mike scream behind him. And then Michael felt a hand in the small of his back which, for a moment, he thought was just one of the Academics pulling him back, until it shoved him forward with all its force.

And the zombie that had leapt at him took the opportunity, seized his outstretch gun-wielding right arm and bit it.

Instinct took over. Michael drew his knife with his other hand and stabbed the zombie in the face without further ado. Properly dead now, the zombie fell back with a chunk of Michael’s arm still in his mouth.

Michael took a few big steps back, panting, and bumped into Mike, whose hand was still outstretched from pushing Michael. The rest of the zombies advanced, now quicker and more excitedly with the smell of Michael’s blood in the air. 

“We have to run,” Michael choked out, his eyes steadily forward as he ignored looking at or feeling the pain in his arm. Hardy and Mike had no qualms and were staring, open-mouthed, at his gored appendage. 

“Come on!” Michael shouted, and they finally responded.

They sprinted on autopilot, back to the Haven-owned lab a building across. Previously a hotel, Haven had hidden an Academic lab behind one of its many doors for excursions such as this one. It was mainly used for research purposes, but it had a few beds and an operating table, too. It was also stocked to the brim with supplies, and, being heavily reinforced, and near-zombie proof, they could relax there.

“Damn it,” snarled Hardy, panting, as Michael pushed the door closed behind him. Numbly, he pressed his back against the door.

“You shoved me,” he said dazedly to Mike, but they were ignoring him. Both were dashing about the lab, snatching up equipment with little regard to the very real danger sitting in the workshop with them.

“Bind it,” said Hardy to Mike, who hastily removed his belt and came over to Michael. Michael barely reacted as he wrapped the belt around his upper right arm and secured it so tightly it hurt.

The adrenaline rush was lessening and horrible pain was shooting up his arm, but he couldn’t look at it. He was looking at Mike, the man who had effectively signed his death warrant, who seemed supremely unconcerned by the whole endeavour. For a moment, Michael thought about killing them both, taking them with him with as little concern for their lives as they gave his. But it was only for a moment before his professional training won out. 

“What are you doing?” said Michael. “You have to take my weapons and return to the base before I turn.”

Neither made any response to that. “We should have applied the tourniquet immediately,” said Hardy to Mike, as though Michael weren’t even there. “Running likely pushed the virus through his veins quicker.”

“Amputate immediately, Professor?”

“Yes,” said Hardy, and slapped the metal operating desk unceremoniously, finally regarding Michael with a cool gaze. “Up, Soldier.”

“What?” Michael said. He felt lethargic and unfocused. “You have to leave now.”

Mike seized his good arm and dragged him to his feet. Michael wasn’t proud of the little yelp he made.

“What-“

Then everything became like a dream. Hardy pushed a needle into the crook of his arm and he cried out again and tried to push him away, but both were strong-arming him onto the table. He blinked and suddenly he was on his back and the glasses of the Academics were flashing in the low light like the solar-powered lights out in the wheat fields back home. 

“We can’t wait for the opium to kick in,” Hardy was saying, his words as indistinct as the outline of his body to Michael. Hardy drew a handsaw from under the table, and pressed it to Michael’s right arm just above the elbow, and Michael’s eyes focused for just a moment. He saw his forearm, horrifically gored, like an apple with a big bite out of it. And then saw the blade enter his arm above the elbow. He screamed. He felt like he was still screaming long after he passed out.

 

* * *

 

When Michael woke up he was alone. He had no way of knowing how much time had passed, but he knew a few things for certain.

The Professor and Mike were nowhere in sight.

The room looked like a B-movie crime scene, with half-dried blood all over the bench he was laying on, and the floor – and, well, him. 

And he no longer had a right arm.

The moments after waking up were the most surreal of his whole life.

He stared at his arm for the longest time, in a room covered with his own blood, and he wanted to scream and cry. And perhaps he did, all alone in there; bewildered and grief-stricken by the turn his life had taken that he couldn’t track the origins of. All he knew was that he had been bitten and the Academics had done something, and now here he was, human, but they were nowhere in sight.

That very thought pulled him from his anguish. If he was alive, where were the Academics?

His mind seemed miles behind his body as he stumbled to his feet and nearly fell over – a combination of the sticky, bloody floor and the jarring feeling of lopsidedness. For a moment, he stood very still, breathing slowly. He gazed around the room, trying to gain a sense of control. His eyes fell onto a pool of light around a desk in the corner, and he stumbled toward it.

Lit by a dim portable solar-powered lamp, the desk had just one item on it – the Professor’s workbook. Michael fell into the chair and reached for the book, swallowing a hard lump in his throat when he reached with his right hand rather than his left. Pulling the book toward him and trying to ignore the wave of pain the motion gave him; Michael flicked to the latest entry and squinted his eyes to decipher the words.

Truth be told, Michael was operating on very, very rudimentary reading skills. Reading was not, of course, something a Soldier would need to know. Michael was actually an outlier among his fellow Soldiers – most didn’t even know the alphabet. But Michael had attended school for five years before the outbreak, so he had a basic reading ability, at least.

He ran his fingers along the letters, sounding out and murmuring the words he could understand quietly to himself. He noticed his name a few times across the page, but the words that followed left him cold. 

“Michael...died...again,” he read stutteringly, skipping the words that were too long. “Blood...did-dident...work...on...Mike....to...roof...kill...it’s...over...”

He dropped the book, trying to comprehend what he had read. What was clear was that he had died, at some point, but he could only assume that what followed explained that he had been resuscitated, because how could he be alive now?

What he read next had troubled him more, though. Blood didn’t work on Mike? He flicked to that page again, traced the letters. Mike, not Michael. Roof. Kill. It’s over. He pushed down the horror rising in his throat.

Mike. Roof. Kill.

Michael slammed the book shut again, looking around the room frantically before he had even properly formed his escape plan. He lurched to his feet when his eyes landed on what he had been looking for – his bag. Again, he reached with the arm he no longer had, and this time he couldn’t suppress the sob that bubbled in his chest. With difficulty, he unzipped it and shoved the Professor’s workbook in it. Somewhere in his mind, he couldn’t believe what he was doing, but he didn’t stop as he sprinted around the room, grabbing medical supplies and food and returning to jam them in his bag.

He knew what had happened to the Academics. They had both turned. It was the only way to explain where they were. He had bitten them, or they had gone outside and been bitten. Then they went to the roof and killed each other. The specifics didn’t matter.

What did matter was that he, a Soldier, had been responsible for the deaths of two Academics. Having no way of knowing how long he had been here, he could only assume that Haven was out looking for them now. And if they found him, he was as good as dead.

Or worse than dead. Because he hadn’t just killed any Academics. The briefing for this mission had been especially intense not just because the Professor was the Head of the Academics department. Mike – the assistant – was the Chancellor’s son. The Chancellor. The woman who ran Haven. Her son. He had killed the Head of the Academics department and the Chancellor’s son. He wasn’t just dead. If she ever found him, he would know the pain of vengeful anger like nothing else. 

He pulled off his bloody clothes and grabbed the spares from the cupboard in the corner. He bit his lip hard to stop himself screaming as he pulled his t-shirt over his arm. It felt so _raw_. He paused to touch it; still not quite believing it wasn’t there. He felt like he was flexing his right fingers in his head, but he couldn’t see it happening. 

It was so surreal. Days – or was it weeks? – ago, he had been just a Soldier. He would never have considered running if he had the blood of an Academic on his hands. But now, having faced down the concept of death, truly, he had found that he was not as courageous as he thought. He was a coward, he realised with a shudder of grief. He couldn’t turn himself in. He grasped his stump, bent over as a sob wracked his body.

_I don’t want to die._

Shaking, he punched the cupboard, trying to snap out of it. Clenching his jaw, he took a few steadying breaths.

“I don’t want to die,” he said aloud. Saying it strengthened his resolve.

“I’m not going to die,” he said vehemently. He seized a jacket from the cupboard, yanked it on and zipped it up to his neck (a difficult task that took several minutes), and returned to his bag. He barely flinched when he noticed his rifle wasn’t in the room, and went to the gun safe. He took two pistols, and a selection of knives, knowing he could not operate a rifle now anyway.

“I’m not going to die,” he muttered to himself feverously as he prepared to leave. “I’m not going to die.” 

He barely remembered leaving, backpack across his shoulders and a manic look in his eyes. 

“I’m not going to die.”


	2. Chapter 2

Some two months later, though, his vow not to die didn’t feel so assured.

There was something about being beaten within an inch of your life and having all your stuff stolen that left you a bit pessimistic, in fairness. Michael had been telling himself that for four days, since he confronted a group of bandits who had done just that. But being realistic didn’t seem to be helping him pull himself out of the mess he was in.

No supplies. No food. No water. Just the tattered clothes on his back and a knife he’d stolen from a zombie in the woods. 

Oh, and the Professor’s book, of course. He’d had that hidden in the lining of his jacket, though he didn’t know why he protected it so fiercely. He had started taking the book out and flicking through it, out of habit, though he couldn’t read much of it at all. He was lucky to escape with it, but it didn’t help him now. 

It was just luck that allowed him to escape with his jacket, too. He sure as hell hadn’t escape with his shoes, he thought grimly, as his bleeding feet caught on a tree stump and made him stumble. He stopped for a second; leant against the offending tree and slid down its trunk.

Around him, luscious green forest spread as far as the eye could see. On any other occasion, he’d be marvelling at its beauty. But with his throat so dry and his stomach grumbling furiously, it seemed to be mocking him with its uselessness.

He had been reliving the robbery repeatedly over the last couple of days, trying to figure out what he could have done differently.

Maybe he shouldn’t have been so out in the open, walking down the middle of the road like a jackass. 

Maybe he should have run into the forest straight away when they jumped out of the ditches on either side of the road.

Maybe he should have fought back when they asked for his bag, instead of just handing it over like a coward.

Maybe he should have just given them his shoes instead of taking a stand on _that_ , of all things.

Maybe then they wouldn’t have beaten the stuffing out of him and taking them anyway. 

Maybe he should of snatched his bag back when their backs were turned, laughing about their easy takings, instead of just jumping to his feet and sprinting into the bushes. They didn’t follow him anyway. 

“They didn’t follow you because they already took everything,” Michael mumbled to himself as he pushed himself slowly to his feet. The task was difficult, partly because of his arm. He was thankful, at least, that the bandits hadn’t noticed his amputation. He wore a jacket with sleeves too long just for that reason, after he had been nearly ‘euthanized’ by a trader a few towns back. It seemed impossible for most people to believe he had been bitten and survived, so he hid both his arms now in big jackets and sweater paws.

Standing was more difficult, though, because of the wave of exhaustion that hit him. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept, but he pushed that thought away. He could think about sleep when he found water.

“And you wouldn’t have done anything different because you’re a coward,” he added, his footfalls heavy. He laughed humourlessly to himself at that and continued to plod through the forest.

Having drawn the same conclusion about the robbery he had drawn a million times before, his mind fell to his next favourite subject – if he should just have given himself in to Haven.

Was it worth it, he thought, now that the ominous figure of Death loomed above this emerald green nightmare instead of above his home? Was it worth it, to feel guilty every day about the disregard he had given to everything he had been taught? Was it worth the nervousness he felt, looking over his shoulder wherever he went for a horde of Haven Soldiers rather than zombies?

He could only hope they thought he died too. He could only hope, really, about everything. He had lost control of his fate, it was true, but whenever he was confronted by these thoughts all he could think was at least he would die _free._ Was that a coward’s move – to want to die on your own terms?

Wanting to think about something, _anything_ else, for just a moment, Michael began humming quietly to himself, initially a tuneless sound until eventually it turned into a song that came to his head.

“I heard there was a secret chord that David played, and it pleased the lord,” Michael sang softly to himself. “But you don’t really care for music, do you?”

He wasn’t singing because he was good – he just liked singing. For one thing, it made him feel like there was someone else with him, because his voice never sounded like his own. And for another, it reminded him of his fellow Soldiers back at Haven. It was ironic, really, that he was singing that song while thinking about them. 

It was because of them that he knew any music, though. They had a communal music player that they shared, one of the only things they owned. They guarded it from the other Soldier fractions zealously and charged it with a solar-powered music dock. It was paradoxical - singing made him feel less lonely, but it also send a wrench of loneliness through his chest when he thought of the comrades he left back at Haven.

“Well it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall, the major lift. The baffled king composing Hallelujah...”

Then something happened that shocked Michael nearly out of his skin.

“Hey,” a voice above him said. “You’ve got a lovely voice.”

Michael nearly screamed, pressing his back against a tree instinctively and closing his hand around his knife in his jacket pocket. He looked up, bewildered to see that there was a ten metre high embankment beside him with a small, dilapidated fence along its length.

More alarming than his utter lack in awareness for his surroundings, though, was the two men casually leaning against the fence watching him pass and, in the case of one, commenting on his singing.

The one who had spoken cocked his head to one side, studying Michael with an easy grin on his face. Michael could see the two men relatively well, but only just. His eyesight had never been great, and it had been deteriorating steadily over the last couple of months.

For a long moment, they just stared at each other. The intense moment was broken, however, by the bigger one clapping slowly. He looked as though he was smiling. His companion broke eye contact with Michael, to Michael’s disappointment, and looked up at the bigger one. 

“Very supportive, Ryan.”

Michael was thrown again by unfamiliar accent in the man’s voice. It didn’t sound like anything he had ever heard before.

“Thanks,” he finally strangled out, his voice raspy. The bigger man stood back from the fence, arms folded as he looked around them imperiously. The smaller man, though, kept looking at him.  

“I’m Gavin,” he said with a wave. Michael returned it weakly. “That’s Ryan,” he said, jerking his thumb at the big guy behind him. “What’s your name?”

Michael hesitated for just a moment. “Michael.”

“Michael,” the man repeated. Michael blushed a little, hating how much he liked hearing his name come from this stranger’s mouth. Gavin.

“Where you heading, Michael?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” said Michael truthfully, without thinking. Gavin hummed at that, and opened his mouth to say something. That was when all hell broke loose.

A crashing sound echoed through the trees to the left of Michael, parallel to the embankment. Gavin and Ryan stood up suddenly, drawing weapons before Michael could blink. He didn’t know what they were reacting to until a man shot out of the trees, shortly followed by two other men, all three screaming –

“Hordddeeeeeee!”

 

* * *

 

 

Michael reacted with instinctiveness he forgot he had. He took two steps forward, drawing his knife from his pocket and, as the first zombie stepped out of the trees, he flung it with all the strength he could muster. The zombie had just stepped into the light when Michael’s knife buried itself in its chest and it fell with a gurgled scream.

The lanky, longhaired man at the back of the pack screamed too, the knife having whistled past his face. His tall, black haired friend seized him by the jacket and hauled him out of the way as Michael darted past the pair of them and yanked his knife from the zombie’s chest, stepping back just in time to narrowly avoid a swipe from another zombie in the shadows. Closer to the trees he could hearing the moaning of the horde. The sound sent a shudder down his spine. 

He reeled back, smacking into the shortest man with a thud. The man barely budged but Michael stumbled, dazed. “Who are you?” asked the short man, affronted. Michael gazed up to the embankment helplessly, but Gavin and Ryan had disappeared. Before he could formulate a response, though, the wave of zombies surfaced from the trees.

Michael could barely remember what happened after that. He became a ball of adrenaline, jabbing and leaping and snarling with just a knife and a lot of dodging ability at his arsenal. The three other men brandished guns and a sledgehammer, but Michael didn’t have anything so fancy. He had just his knife, so he was right in the thick of it when a zombie seized him by the jacket and pulled him towards its mouth.

Michael opened his mouth to scream, but he blinked and the zombie’s head was no longer there. The ringing noise in his ears made him look back, and he saw that Ryan and Gavin had joined them on the ground, shooting zombies with practised ease. With six fighting, it was moments that the last zombie fell.

There was complete silence again, mirroring the moment Michael and Gavin had before. This time, though, everyone was straining their ears, listening for a shuffle or a moan to indicate another zombie somewhere in the bushes.

They were met only by the sounds of the winds swaying the forest. The short man gave a sigh of relief and opened his mouth to speak, but Ryan interrupted him. 

“What the _fuck,_ Jeremy?!” he shouted. The little one looked sheepish, and pointed at his two companions weakly.

“Matt said one of them looked like he had a good gun strapped across his back,” he said feebly. “We were just trying to draw that one away – Trevor said –“

“I don’t give a fuck what Trevor said!” ranted Ryan. “You could have killed us all –“

As Ryan continued to rage, Michael slowly sank to the floor amid the dead bodies. Now the adrenaline was wearing off, he was experiencing wave after wave of dizziness. He closed his eyes, pressing his hand shakily to his face and scrubbing his face vigorously.

“Hey.”

Michael removed his hand and looked up to see Gavin standing in front of him, looking concerned.

“You okay?” he asked. And maybe it was the aftermath of the fight, but suddenly Michael felt more breathless than before.

He couldn’t stop looking at Gavin. His green eyes were piercing, and he had these freckles, tiny, scattered across his nose and cheeks. His hair was all over the place but it suited him, like it was an intrinsic part of his personality. He had a light smile on his face, quirking just the corner of his mouth. Michael was transfixed by his mouth, really. Every line of his face led back there. 

“Fine,” Michael heard himself say. “Just a bit shaky.”

Gavin’s smile faded to a look of concern, and Michael was snapped out of his reverie.

“Want some water?” asked Gavin, and if Michael was trying not to look desperate he failed horribly. He nodded frantically and Gavin gave him an understanding smile, drawing a glass bottle of water from his bag and handing it to Michael.

Michael knew water was tasteless, but this water tasted like heaven. He tried not to drink too quickly, knowing it would make him sick, but he couldn’t stop himself. He drained the glass in a few gulps. Gavin handed him another glass without another word.

By this time, the other four men had come over and were watching him cautiously. This time he did pace himself, sipping slowly as he watched them over the glass.

“When was the last time you had water?” asked Ryan curiously, his eyes tracking Michael’s every move. The other men stood a little behind him. It was quite clear that Ryan was the leader of this team by the way all of them – Gavin included – shifted their bodies to him, deferring their voices to him.

Michael didn’t say anything for a long time. He didn’t really know what to say. It seemed unlikely that this would be a trap now, but he couldn’t shake a general mistrust of everyone he met.

“Four days,” he said finally. The men exchanged looks.

“Eaten?” asked Ryan.

“Ten days,” said Michael, hating the shake in his voice. Over the last few days it had given him comfort to know that the bandits didn’t steal his food because he didn’t have any. Now, though, he felt the sting of its absence in the hot flush of embarrassment it brought to his cheeks. Fuck, why was he embarrassed? He looked up at the men, then looked back at his feet. It was their pitying looks. He must look like absolute shit, too.

“Slept?” asked Ryan finally.

Michael shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said. He braced his hand on the ground and wobbled to his feet, bending down to hand a startled Gavin the empty bottles of water. Maybe this would be counterproductive in the long run, but he just wanted to get away from their sympathetic faces.

“Thank you for the water,” he said hoarsely. “I’ll be going now.” Before he could leave this sauna of awkwardness, though, Ryan spoke again.

“You’re not going anywhere, if that’s what you think,” he said firmly. “You’re coming back to the house so Jack can check you out. Who beat the shit out of you, anyway?”

Michael just stared blankly at Ryan uncomprehendingly. “I – I –“ he stammered, but Ryan, rolling his eyes, had already turned away.

“Check the bodies,” he indicated to the zombies, kneeling already to do just that. The other men stooped too, already squabbling about who got to keep the gun if they found it. “Then we’ll move out. Gavin, watch your little songbird.”

“Don’t worry,” Gavin said to Michael in a carrying voice. He leant against a tree near Michael, his face inches from Michael’s. “Ryan is just mad because he didn’t have a beautiful moment with a gorgeous stranger.”

Michael was more bemused than ever as the three men chuckled and Ryan grumbled irritably.

“I’m in a _relationship,_ you fucking idiot.”

Well, maybe Michael was walking into a trap, but it almost felt worth it to hear Gavin’s peal of laughter echo among the trees as it did now.


	3. Chapter 3

“So what happened to you? Where are you from? How’d you learn to fight like that? What’s your last name? How old are you?”

“Uh –“ Michael stammered. Gavin looked at him expectantly, walking without looking.

“That’s too many questions, Gavin,” called the one named Trevor over his shoulder as they traipsed through the woods. Ryan chuckled at the front of the pack, Trevor and Matt just behind him with handfuls of loot. Gavin was walking alongside Michael, which made Michael’s heart beat hard in his chest.

Jeremy was behind them, bringing up the rear and watching for zombies. At least, that was what he said he was doing. But Michael could feel his eyes boring into the back of his head.

“What was the first question again?” tried Michael weakly.

“What happened to you?” Gavin repeated, gesturing at Michael’s body generally. Michael flushed.

“Got attacked by bandits,” he mumbled, looking down at the ground pointedly. “Took everything I had.”

“Did you try to fight them off?” asked Gavin sympathetically. Michael shook his head honestly, though it sent another flush of shame shooting to his cheeks.

“Not really,” he said evasively. Gavin was looking at him oddly, a slight frown creasing his brows.  

“Well, Jack can clean you up,” called Ryan from the front of the pack. “Our way of saying thanks for fighting for us. 

“Thank you,” said Michael softly, but his mind was reeling as a thought suddenly occurred to him. This Jack was going to see his arm.

He stopped dead in his tracks, and Jeremy nearly ran into him again. The little man huffed and moved around him, and Gavin stopped too, looking confused.

“What’s the matter?” he asked curiously. The others had stopped too ahead, looking back warily. “We’re nearly there.”

Michael’s mind was blank of excuses. He felt like he should just run, but his feet felt rooted to the spot.

Ryan had moved back through the others to stand beside Gavin, a look of resignation on his face. “Thought you were hiding something,” he said. He folded his arms across his chest and Michael swallowed hard. Fuck, Ryan’s arms were massive. When did he become such a coward?

Michael shifted as discretely as he could, moving his right shoulder slightly behind him. Of course, they all noticed him move and likewise their stances became warier, more battle-orientated.

Ryan was frowning, his eyes roaming over his body in a way that made Michael feel very exposed. He wanted so badly to turn and run into the forest, but the idea of turning of his back to these well-armed men made him feel sick.

“Jacket off,” said Ryan finally. Gavin was frowning too, his eyes flicking from Ryan to Michael. Michael’s heart was hammering painfully against his rib cage.

“So you just wanted to rob me, then?” he said. Ryan scoffed.

“Just take it off.”

Michael shook his head, a tiny shake but a visible ‘no’ nevertheless. Ryan just turned his eyes to Jeremy, who lifted his gun and pointed it at Michael without further ado.

Michael closed his eyes for just a moment, realising he now had no choice. Slowly, he opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was Gavin, who had an unreadable expression on his face as he watched Michael.

Seizing the zipper of his jacket, he decided not to look at anyone else. He watched Gavin’s eyes as he pulled down the zipper and threw the jacket off his shoulder, exposing his stump. He ignored the little gasps from the other men, taking in only the gasp Gavin gave, and the ways his eyes widened and sought Michael’s. They were searching, trying to find something.

“There,” Michael said hoarsely, finally tearing his eyes away from Gavin to look at Ryan. “Are you happy?”

“How did you lose it?” said Ryan abruptly. His expression was more guarded than ever, but Michael was watching his hands twitching at his side. _It would be so easy to lie_ , thought Michael. _So easy._

But the words were flowing out his mouth before he could stop them, because in the end he kind of _wanted_ people to know, to understand what he had been through and what the implications were for their whole future as the human race.

“It got amputated,” he said clearly for the first time that day, lifting his chin high. “Because I was bitten.”

He blinked and five guns were in his face.

 

* * *

 

Biting into an apple in Jack’s examination room was a pretty harsh juxtaposition to the near-witch burning that had occurred only half an hour earlier, mused Michael pensively.

Outside of the room, he could hear Jack arguing lowly with Ryan and a second man who had been introduced as Geoff. Ryan was still angrily trying to plead with the others not to leave Jack alone with Michael, but she was very firm and no nonsense. If it were not for her, Michael would probably be dead. 

_Though his heart hammered painfully in his chest, Michael surprised himself with a little bit of courage. Mockingly he raised his one hand and his stump in surrender. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that though Gavin’s held a gun to Michael like his comrades, he looked carefully unconcerned._

_Ryan, on the other hand, clicked the safety off his gun._

_“Wait,” said Gavin casually, though Michael had seen him flinch at the sound of the safety clicking off. He was staring, not at Michael’s face, but at his amputated arm, with a light frown. His arm was clumsily bandaged but appeared nearly healed, aside from a few dried bloodstains. Still, he’d run out of antibiotics half a month ago, and if the increasing aching pain in his arm was anything to go off of, he’d say that there was perhaps still some medical attention he required._

_The constant soreness of his arm, though, was not something that could be seen externally. To Gavin – and the others, too, Michael hoped – his arm looked quite fine and not, well, zombified._

_“How long has it been since you were bitten?”_

_“Two months,” said Michael, watching as everyone shifted restlessly and exchanged looks at that. Ryan flicked his eyes towards Gavin. Michael understood a lot with that look – it seemed as though Gavin was second in charge of this group. For a long moment, the pair seemed to be having a silent conversation._

_“I don’t believe you,” said Ryan finally._

_“I do,” said Matt unexpectedly, marking the first time Michael had heard him speak. He was looking at Michael with a troubled expression. “That wound is months old, definitely.” Trevor hummed quietly at that, but didn’t lower his gun._

_“Seriously, Matt?” said Ryan hotly. His hand was twitching on the trigger of the gun. “Amputation never works. And if you think I’m going to let it into our home –“_

_“Alright, Ryan, ease off.”_

_Everyone jumped and whipped around as a red-haired woman and a moustached man entered their circle. While the others relaxed and greeted them – Ryan was instantly at the woman’s side and was chastising the moustached man for letting her leave their complex – Michael was transfixed by her stomach._

_The woman had to be seven months pregnant at least and, truth be told, was the first pregnant woman Michael had ever seen in real life. Haven had very strict rules about pregnant women, given what a precious resource children were, and they were kept confined and protected throughout the duration of their pregnancy. But if there was something instilled in Michael it was the sacredness of pregnancy. He gazed at her with unbridled fascination and reverence._

_He quickly dropped his eyes, though, when she turned to him. In spite of the protests of everyone, she strode up to him with confidence. He felt quite exposed as she circled him, her eyes roaming his body clinically. She stopped in front of him and he was forced to look up at her face._

_“You say you were bitten by a zombie two months ago?” she said briskly. Michael just nodded. She turned back to the group, though the moustached man and Ryan were less than a step away, looking agitated._

_“He comes with us,” she announced. She held up her hand immediately to silence the roars of the group that followed, and Michael was led along after her, somewhat in awe of the red-haired woman that was clearly in charge here._

It transpired that the woman was the aforementioned Jack, and she had heard them bickering in the woods from their base just a few metres away.

And what a base it was. Michael missed a step from shock, looking up at the six metre high walls that stretched as far as the eye could see. It was the first time he had seen an entirely handmade base – Haven used to be a high school, and took no effort at all, really, to reinforce.

But this base clearly had taken effort, and a lot of it. The walls were wood, wide enough to stand atop. There was a huge set of metal double doors, battered but sturdy. And when they entered the complex, Michael was blown away again by its size.

Needless to say the perimeter was wide enough to encompass two big houses, a small farm and a paddock that held three sheep, a cow and countless chickens. A sturdy bridge attached the houses, and something about the whole place felt homey, but fortified.

“How did you guys build all this?” Michael breathed, unable to stop himself. Jack turned back to him.

“They didn’t,” she said easily, “I did.” She looked to her companions sternly. “Which is why I call the shots around here. Gavin, take the kid to my examination room and get him something to eat. Jeremy, Trevor, Matt, go put that stuff with the other supplies. I want to talk to you two now,” she finished, nodding at Geoff and Ryan. 

And clearly they hadn’t been able to clear up what they wanted to talk about, because they were still bickering outside the door as Michael waited in the examination room for her.

They had evidently discussed what happened, and were now trying to reach a consensus on how to proceed. He could hear their whole argument faintly – Ryan was worried Jack would be attacked, Geoff was nervous about the baby, and Jack was not worried about either of those things, could take care of herself, and didn’t want either of them in the room because Michael was visibly nervous around the lot of them.

Well, that much was true, at least. Being alone with just Gavin had been awkward as hell, with Gavin suddenly seeming quite shy without the others around him. Or maybe it was because he thought Michael was a zombie. Either way, they didn’t say much to each other and after Gavin had left him at the examination room, he returned quickly to drop off some bread, cheese and an apple and sped off again. 

It was actually pretty good he’d left quickly, though. He didn’t have to see the way Michael had fallen on the food like an undignified savage, but that was exactly what he did. He felt a little ill from eating so fast, now, so he was working on the apple slowly. The crunching of his bites was blocking out the arguing outside, too.

The door banged open, making Michael jump. Outside, the two men leant against the wall grumpily, but Jack closed the door behind her pointedly. Michael winced – he knew he couldn’t help the situation, but he felt a little guilty to have incited so much tension.

“Jacket and shirt off and sit on the bed,” said Jack, riffling in a cabinet in the corner of the room and drawing out medical supplies without looking at him. Quickly, Michael set down the remains of his apple and did as he was told, removing his jacket carefully and folding it around the Professor’s book subtly. The brisk, no-nonsense attitude reminded him of the doctors back at Haven, and just that one familiarity made him feel a little better about the potentially risky situation he’d gotten himself into.

When Jack turned, though, he realised a palpable difference in Haven doctors and this woman. Haven doctors were near-emotionless when it came to injuries sustained by Soldiers, but Jack took one look at his body and sighed aloud, her face crumpled with compassion.

“You’ve been through the mill, haven’t you?” she said softly. Michael didn’t really know what to say, so he just looked at his feet.

Physically, he’d seen better days. Aside from his badly bandaged arm stump, he was bruised all over from being kicked and hit with bats by the bandits, and he’d lost a lot of weight since he’d hit the road on his own.

He’d always been a pretty muscly guy – you needed strength to be a Soldier, after all – but in the last two months, he’d lost a lot of muscle he’d always had. Not a week ago, he’d looked down while cleaning himself in a lake and realised for the first time that he could see his ribs with painful definition.

This was the first thing Jack traced with her fingers, the lines of his ribs, and tutted in a motherly way. He shivered without meaning to and almost moved away. It felt too intimate, and almost scared him more than the guns in his face. She seemed to notice his uncomfortableness and withdrew her fingers, returning quickly to her sharp demeanour.

“Well, there is nothing I can do about bruises,” she said, turning to the equipment she had withdrawn from the cabinet. “There are no signs of internal bleeding, at least, so they will heal in time. Does anything hurt especially? As though you have broken a bone?”

“No,” Michael murmured, and she nodded, pleased.

“Good,” she said, turning back to him with a pair of fabric scissors. “Now, for the interesting part. May I take a look at your arm, please?”

Michael nodded, and she got to work immediately. She took the edge of the bandage and began carefully slicing it off but, though she was very gentle, Michael still winced.

Her hands stilled. “Does it hurt?”

“All the time,” Michael replied softly. “It’s fine. Keep going.”

She made short work of the rest and as the bandages fell off, Michael pointedly looked out the window. The few people who had seen his arm had either responded with violence or pity and at this point either emotion was something he dreaded more than the medical procedure itself.

He was spared Jack’s reaction. “Hold it up,” she said after a delicate moment. Relieved, Michael complied. 

For a while, Jack worked in silence, surveying the Professor’s handiwork. She touched his arm only once and Michael couldn’t help the little gasp of pain he gave. She apologised and continued the rest of the examination without touching.

Finally, she drew back, her expression unreadable. “Well, in the interest of being clichéd, I have good news and bad news for you. Which would you like first?”

“Bad?” he said hesitantly.

“Bad news it is, then. Your arm is infected. Good news? It is human infected, not zombie infected. So I’m going to need to put you under, at least for a little while, so I can open your arm back up and clean it out a bit. Truth be told, whoever amputated your arm did a bit of a butcher’s job of it.

“But you are definitely not a zombie, or in any stage of becoming a zombie,” she finished. Her eyes strayed to the window as she said that, and her hands drifted to her belly for just a moment. 

Michael didn’t know what to say. The idea of willingly allowing himself to be anesthetised made him incredibly nervous, especially with the murderous Ryan just outside. But with how much it hurt to touch while he was awake – clearly because of the infection, he now knew – he couldn’t imagine someone going one step further and operating on it while he was awake.

“Hey,” said Jack, flicking her fingers in front of his face. Startled, he realised he’d been staring at midsection and blushed furiously.

“Eyes up here,” she said seriously, though there was a hint of laughter to her voice. “What, is the first time you’ve seen a woman in a while or something?”

“No,” said Michael defensively. “A woman beat me with a bat four days ago.”

“Ah. A pregnant woman, then?”

Michael nodded, not catching her eye. She smiled, her face soft and motherly again.

“Would you like to touch my stomach? The baby is kicking right now, actually.”

Michael surprised her with his reaction. “No!” he said vehemently. “That’s not allowed – I can’t -”

“Who said that?” asked Jack, looking momentarily bewildered. “Why isn’t it allowed?”

Michael opened and closed his mouth several times. _The Elders at Haven,_ he wanted to say, but something stopped him. Niggling in the back of his mind – something else the Commander at Haven had said, in her regular speeches to the Soldiers.

_Humans –_ the Commander said repeatedly – _that is, people living outside of Haven who have not been bitten by zombies – are often just as bad as the zombies. They will not understand our way of life. In fact, they will probably try and convince you that there are other ways to escape the apocalypse._

_Do not trust them. Do not tell them who you are, and about us. You are better; you are informed. We are only safe if we protect our peace. This is the only way of life that can truly bring about change for our children, and our children’s children._

_It is safer simply to kill those humans than engage with them. They are so primal; they are essentially zombies. Remember that._

Jack tore him from the memory. Stepping back with an unreadable expression, she said, “You’re from a settlement, aren’t you?"

For a long moment, they were both quiet. Michael was frozen with indecision – run, attack, cajole his way out of there – _how did she know?_ – and Jack stared into his face sharply, looking for something that would confirm her suspicion. The silence ended up being proof enough.

“Hm,” she said finally, sounding troubled. “Well, I think that might be a discussion for another time. Surgery now.”

Michael watched her bustle over to the table and start prepping a needle. He pressed his hand to his face, rubbing it weakly. Exhaustion was beginning to take him over. This room was so warm and the bed was so comfortable and he was so _confused_ by these people and everything that had happened in this long, long day.

He removed his hand from his face, watching her warily, thinking about the step back she took when she realised he was from a settlement. _They are so primal; they are essentially zombies._ Would she kill him now she knew he was from a settlement? 

But exhaustion won out and he didn’t protest. He felt lethargic, but also wide-awake. Perhaps it was good, then, that Jack was forcing him to sleep – because in a way, he was still afraid to sleep. Though the six metre walls gave him some comfort, he still couldn’t shake the general feeling of terror at sleeping. He didn’t think he ever would.

“Are you ready?” asked Jack, and Michael nodded. “Lie back, then.”

She pressed the needle into the crook of his left arm without further ado, and for once he didn’t flinch. _Just like back in Haven,_ he thought. But if he had ever been sure of anything, it was that this ragtag team of lunatics were nothing like Haven. 

“Hey,” slurred Michael, the drug rolling like a wave through his consciousness. Jack turned around.

“Thank you,” he mumbled, his eyes sliding closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, just wanted to shoutout Nydac_Pool and mundanefall for your lovely comments and say thank you to all the people who have Kudos'd so far!! I really appreciate it and I hope you're enjoying the story so far. Must dash, I am posting this at work! But hey, Happy Halloween Eve Eve


	4. Chapter 4

Michael woke, as he had every day since he started running, with a start and a hand over his mouth to stop himself screaming aloud.

As it transpired, drugs did nothing to stop the nightmares. All that had really happened was that he had become trapped in his dreams, unable to wake himself up. It was like the medically-induced version of sleep paralysis. 

“No more drugs,” he mumbled to himself, as he shakily pushed himself into a seated position. It was then that he realised he was not alone. 

“What a dramatic way to wake up,” remarked Geoff dryly, sitting in a low chair with a book. Genuinely thrown by the presence of Geoff, Michael blurted out the first thing that came to his head. 

“Why am I naked?” he asked, having just noticed that he oughtn’t move anymore, given that very predicament. To his surprise, Geoff actually snorted.

“Because your clothes were covered in blood and disintegrating?” he said, slamming his book shut and standing. “Jack is getting you some more. You weren’t supposed to wake up yet.”

As he spoke, Geoff advanced closer to the bed, and Michael began to feel very vulnerable.

“So,” said Geoff, stopping beside the bed and crossing his arms. “Jack said you’re not a zombie.”

“No – I mean, yes. I’m not. A zombie, I mean.”

“Hm,” said Geoff, looking unconvinced. “Well, Ryan and I will be watching you like a hawk. If you start to turn, then you better hope you lose sensation when you become a zombie because I am going to kill you in the most painful way I can imagine for endangering my family and my unborn child. Understand?”

“Yes, sir,” said Michael quietly. Geoff hummed again, still looking dubious.

“Don’t get up to trouble. I’m going to go let Jack know you’re awake.”

He left before Michael could say another word.

Michael swung his legs over the bedside, keeping the blanket round his waist, and sighed. He hadn’t intended to stay for long, anyway, but catching a glimpse of a life with food and medicine within easy reach was tantalising. He dreaded sleeping alone on the road again, even after one night of sleeping within the safety of four walls.

But if Geoff was any indication of the reactions of the rest of the people in this house, he wasn’t sure which was worse – zombie murderous intent or human murderous intent.

If he stayed, it was going to be a rough couple of days.

 _And it was only getting rougher_ , thought Michael sarcastically, as the door opened to reveal Gavin holding a bundle of clothes for him. Michael immediately flushed and tried to pull the blanket to cover himself more. 

Gavin looked a little embarrassed too, but his eyes still roamed Michael’s chest with an almost hungry look. Gavin was frozen in the doorway for a good couple of seconds before Michael coughed awkwardly and he came back to life.

“Oh – uh, good morning! Sorry I was staring – it wasn’t because of – anyway, how are you feeling?” he chattered quickly, coming into the room and handing the clothes to Michael. He was distracted, Michael could see. His eyes were on Michael’s arm and he seemed unable to look away.

“Fine,” Michael said.

“Does it hurt?” Gavin blurted out suddenly, and for the first time, Michael was able to shake his head no.

“Whatever your friend Jack did worked,” he said honestly. “It’s not hurting for the first time in ages.”

“So – it’s true, then?” said Gavin lowly, his eyes still boring into his arm. “You’re – not a zombie? And you’re not going to turn?”

“No. I mean, yes. It’s true, I mean.”

Gavin bit his lip, his face deeply distressed. “That’s great,” he said, his voice suddenly scratchy. “I need to go.”

And he sped out of the room without another word. 

Michael got dressed, yanking on the loose jeans and faded football jersey, leaving the sleeve hanging loose on the right side, and mulling over what happened with Geoff and Gavin. With the time it took him to slowly tie the tattered boots they had given him using his hand and his mouth, he had a lot of time to think. He was no closer to understanding the fluctuating moods of this group by the time he got dressed, though.

Moving to the door, he briefly considered sprinting straight out of this complex and hitting the road on his own again. Frankly, he didn’t know why he was still staying here, now he’d had medical attention, water and food. And with a little ingenuity and luck, he could steal more of those before leaving. Moreover, they didn’t want him here and everyone seemed very tense around him.

Just as he was resolving to do that, though, the door swung open before him to reveal Jack. He flinched ashamedly as she smiled at him.

“Heard you were awake,” she said. “How are you feeling?”

“Much better, ma’am, thank you,” said Michael politely. Just seeing Jack destroyed his decision, and even made him feel ashamed for thinking about it at all. She had earned respect, and he decided now that even if he did leave, he would not steal from them, and that was that. The alternative, though promising an awkward couple of days, was manageable.

“Good,” she said, he eyes searching his face as her tone became brisk. “Come get breakfast, then. We have work to do.”

And though Michael would much rather have hidden from the others, he had no choice but to compile.

 

* * *

 

Sitting at a table with six people glaring at you while the other three seemed benignly oblivious to the predicament you sat in was not the way Michael imagined today would go. But hey, at least he got free food. 

He kept his eyes on his plate and his mouth shut as Jack calmly made small talk with Trevor and Matt, the only two other people who seemed unaffected by Michael’s existence. Michael was barely listening – he was distracted not only by the anger omitting for the other six in the room, including two women he had not met or seen yesterday, and the difficulty of using a knife and fork with one hand.

He wished he could just shovel the food down with vicious enthusiasm that reflected the gnawing hunger in his stomach, but unbelievably the feeling that it would be impolite to do so stopped him.

He chanced a glance up and caught Gavin’s eye who, to Michael’s mild relief, was not quite glaring at him as the others were. He just looked troubled, which wasn’t great, but was better than hatred, Michael supposed.

“I don’t understand,” said one of the women suddenly, cutting off Jack’s conversation. “Why can’t he just leave now? You’ve already looked at him.”

“Because he still requires medical attention, Meg,” said Jack exasperatedly, with the air of someone who had said this many times already. “What if I had just given you and Lindsay food and sent you on your way when you showed up here, huh? Where would you be now?”

“Lindsay and Meg weren’t a threat to our safety when they came here,” interrupted Ryan, before the girl called Meg could retort. He was shooting venomous looks at Michael and Jack and talking as though Michael was not in the room, as Meg and Jack had. “You have no idea that he’s not going to turn.”

“I’m a fucking doctor, Ryan!” shouted Jack, slamming her hands on the table. “I am telling you I have seen patients in every stage of zombification and he is not a fucking zombie! And we _are not having this argument again!”_  

Ryan shoved his chair back with such force it fell over and left the room without another word. Geoff sighed and followed him, levelling Michael with one last cool look before he left the room.

“It can’t be true, though,” said Lindsay, so softly Michael barely heard her. She rubbed her face and left the room, too, shortly followed by Meg. Gavin sat for a moment longer, then quietly departed too.

For a long moment, there was silence. Michael stared at his plate, chewing his lip.

“Sorry about that,” said Jack finally. Michael looked at her – she was twisting a ring around her finger and not looking at him. Michael sighed softly.

“Listen, I should just go –“ he started, but Jack looked up, eyes flashing.

“No! You are by no means out of the woods with that infection,” she said hotly. “As a doctor there is no way I can let you leave in good conscience. No,” she added, and sighed again. She shook her head and looked at him with imploring eyes. “Your news has just left everyone a little tense.”

“Why?” asked Michael. Jeremy threw his hands up, suddenly, in exasperation.

“Do you even understand what this means?” he said angrily. “What happened to you? Do you know how many people have had to put down their friends, their families _,_ because they got bitten, and now you’re here to tell me I _didn’t_ have to –“

He stopped, his voice choked up, and he looked away suddenly, blinking hard. “Fuck this,” he said suddenly, and left the room as well. Trevor and Matt exchanged looks, but didn’t follow.

“Yeah,” said Jack, in the stunned silence that followed Jeremy’s departure. “Your – news – has left a few people here with some questions. They don’t really want to believe that it’s true.... as for me, it’s left me with a lot of questions about the future of medicine in this world.”

“Ryan and Geoff don’t believe it’s true,” said Michael, and Jack shook her head.

“No, I think they do believe it, they’re just protective,” she said, and he watched her hands move to her stomach instinctively. She watched his eyes follow her hands and she smiled. “They’ve gotten so nervous since I got pregnant,” she grumbled, but shrugged good-naturedly. “It’s our first kid, you know? They’ll come around." 

Michael nodded, though it left him with more questions than before. Jack sighed again, and finally stood. 

“Will you take him with you?” she asked, now addressing Matt and Trevor. 

“Sure thing,” said Trevor, standing and stretching. He looked at Michael with an easy smile that didn’t quite mask the worried look in his eyes. “Ever done a harvest before?” he asked.

“Um...no.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

“Lord, you weren’t kidding, were you?” said Trevor incredulously half an hour later as Michael tore up yet another potato plant without the potato in question. Michael, sighed, frustrated, and threw his trowel.

“I used to be right handed,” he said angrily. “And I was a Soldier, not a Worker.”

“Dude, chill,” said Trevor, while Matt looked on with his eyebrows raised and a slight smile on his face. “You just need to dig it out a little bit before. This is not something you can just pull out as hard as you can.”

Michael grumbled a little to himself, but picked up the trowel and tried again. He was able to carefully remove this one, and held it up triumphantly.

Matt was still watching him with a small smile on his face. “What?” asked Michael, putting the potato tubers in the basket and moving on to the next plant.

Matt shrugged, turning back to his work. “Just the first time you’ve shown a bit of bite. It’s pretty hard to get out of the way they told you to be at your settlement, right? Nice to see.”

Michael was a bit taken aback by that, and didn’t respond. He had expected Jack to tell everyone, but had expected them to speak so flippantly about it. Weren’t they supposed to be violent, feral individuals? Weren’t they supposed to attack him out of jealousy? He tightened his hand around the trowel. Matt was skewering him with searching look, and Trevor was doing the same out of the corner of his eye.

“No need to hit us with the silent treatment,” said Trevor. “We know what you’re dealing with. We were from a settlement, too.”

Michael’s head whipped up. “What?”

“Yeah, we were from a settlement called Moses,” said Matt, turning back to his work. “It’s funny how you don’t realise settlements are just glorified cults until you leave, right?”

Michael must have looked baffled, because the pair frowned and exchanged looks. “Do you know what a cult is?” said Matt slowly, and Michael shook his head, his mind reeling.

“Oh,” said Matt eloquently, and Trevor took over.

“It’s like a group of people who unreservedly follow an ideal, but the ideal is sometimes detrimental to a large number of the group and benefits only a few,” he said lightly. “Certainly sounds familiar to me. What about you?”

Michael hesitated for a moment, then shook his head. Trevor’s eyes flicked to Matt, but he didn’t push. 

“Yeah, not all settlements are like that,” he said easily. “But quite a lot are. Mine and Matt’s was.”

Michael was relieved. This was why the others didn’t seem freaked about him coming from a settlement, only wary. They had met settlement kids before. Yet he wondered, still, if things would change if they knew specifically what settlement he was from. _Haven was different from other settlements_ , he told himself. _They’re going to find the cure._  

“What was yours like?” asked Michael before he could stop himself.

“Religious,” said Matt shortly. “And stifling and cruel.”

Matt’s hand had snaked to his neck almost unconsciously and Michael saw a cross hanging there.

“Yeah,” said Trevor. “A lot of rules. And a lot of punishments for not following the rules. When we were younger growing up there it wasn’t as bad. I guess that’s why it took us so long to realise we didn’t agree with what we were dying for.”

“How so?”

“Well, we had to pray for such a long part of the day. We were not allowed to leave the compound – ever. There’d never been enough food because we were too busy praying to do shit like this,” Trevor said, gesturing to the potato patch.

“It was part of the trials, they’d say. God was testing us. If we failed our duty, we failed everyone. That’s how I got these – for failing the group and disobeying rules,” he said, turning and pulling his shirt up a little to reveal a network of thick ropey scars across his back. Michael was nauseated; Matt closed his eyes and looked away. Trevor shrugged and dropped his shirt, picking up a trowel and returning to work on the potatoes. 

“Anyway,” he said. “It was just stuff like that. There was no room for mistakes or decisions or a personality. We had to ‘prove ourselves’ just to be _considered_ to be allowed to marry which, by the way, you didn’t get to choose, they chose for you.” 

“That’s the main reason we left,” interrupted Matt lightly. “Trevor was sexually frustrated.”

Michael snorted and Trevor cracked a smile. The mood eased slightly. “It wasn’t just that, though,” he said. “It was total control of our lives, you know? And one day I just thought, am I going to die like this? Never having really lived? Done what someone else wanted me to do my entire life? And it turned out, when we talked about it, that we were thinking the same thing.” 

“So the next time opportunity we got, we jumped the fence and ran like hell,” finished Trevor. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Matt flinch when Trevor said ‘hell’. “Met Jeremy not long after, and we’ve been us three every since.”

“Do you still believe in God, then?” asked Michael, more to Matt than Trevor. Matt smiled wryly. 

“Yes,” he said truthfully, touching his cross again. “But I think everyone has a different interpretation of God, and the Fathers at Moses have a very different idea of Him than I do.”

“I don’t,” said Trevor easily, and said no more. Frowning, Michael turned back to Matt.

“Do you feel bad for leaving, then? What if the Fathers at Moses interpreted Him correctly?”

Matt considered for a long moment. “I don’t think,” he said slowly. “That God’s will was ever to put a select number of people at an advantage to everyone else. That was the system at Moses. So I don’t feel bad for leaving, because in the end I think God wants all his children to be happy, and living like that felt like it was killing me. But,” he added, and he turned his piercing eyes to Michael with a wry look and a raised eyebrow, “I don’t think my situation applies to everyone who has left a toxic environment that they grew up in.”

It was the most Michael had heard Matt say at once, and he was clearly very passionate about it. Michael flushed and looked down. Finally, Matt added gently, 

“Do you feel bad for leaving your settlement?” 

“Yes,” he bit out.

“Why?” 

“Why have you gone from one settlement straight to another?” asked Michael quickly, gesturing around at the houses behind them. “If you hated being told what to do so much, then why do you let them boss you around here?”

“C’mon,” interrupted Trevor with a scoff. “You must know this is nothing like the leadership in settlements. This is not a settlement. Jack and Geoff and Ryan are in charge, but I follow them out of respect, not fear. And I have a fucking opinion here, which I never had back at Moses. If I’d talked back to a Father like Matt did with Ryan yesterday, when he said he believed you and he didn’t think you were a zombie, we would have been whipped within an inch of my life for that.

"You get that, right? You get the difference?” 

Michael didn’t get it. So many people having an opinion was chaos – so he had always known. And he was not one of the chosen few gifted with the burden of having an opinion on behalf of the group. He stayed silent. 

“And you don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to,” Matt added. “They won’t keep you here if you want to leave. Jack gets very firm when it comes to medical stuff, but if you really wanted to leave, they wouldn’t keep you.”

“Ryan and Geoff would probably encourage you to go,” said Trevor with a short laugh.

Michael snorted too, and quickly latched on to that chain of conversation before they could ask him more questions about his settlement. The things they were saying kind of made sense, but...it didn’t apply to his situation, anyway. Haven was different. He ran because he was a coward, not because he disagreed with how Haven was run. Haven would find the cure.  

“So what’s Geoff’s and Ryan’s and Jack’s deal, then?” he asked, pulling another potato from the ground. 

“What do you mean?” asked Trevor, his voice muffled. Michael looked up to find that Trevor had clearly decided to take a break and let Matt and Michael do the work. He was lying on his back in between the plants with his hat over his eyes, blocking them from the hard summer sun while he twirled his trowel between his fingers.

Michael grinned in spite of himself, and Matt rolled his eyes and shook his head, but continued working in a way that suggested this wasn’t a random occurrence. 

“Like, what’s their relationship? And who is in charge? Who was here first? What’s everyone’s deal?” 

“Ohhhh,” said Trevor, pushing his hat back from his head with his trowel and fixing Michael with a cheeky stare. “I see what’s going on here. You’re asking about Gavin, aren’t you?”

Michael spluttered and accidentally cleaved the potato roots from its stem in his flailing. “What? No, I –“

“We saw the way you looked at him, didn’t we Matt?”

“We sure did, Trevor.”

“Seemed pretty intense, don’t you think Matt?”

“I’d definitely say so, Trevor.”

“All right, no, that’s fucking not –“ started Michael heatedly, but Trevor interrupted, pushing his hat back over his eye with a laugh. 

“Just kidding dude, chill out. Ryan and Geoff and Jack are dating. As for the rest – Gavin is single – in case you were wondering, you sly dog – and he’s Geoff’s adopted son; Lindsay and Meg came here –“

“Wait, wait, wait. How can they all date each other?”

“Yeah, it wasn’t something I had ever heard of either until I came here, but it was something that happened back before the apocalypse, Jeremy said. He said he read about it. It’s called a polyandrous relationship. They all date each other. The baby could be either Geoff’s or Ryan’s.”

“Wow,” said Michael, mind reeling. “Do they care whose it is of theirs?”

“No. It doesn’t matter whose kid it is; it belongs to all of them. They will all raise it together. Must be cool to have only two ‘fathers', we had like a hundred.” 

“I had none. That’s kind of nice,” said Michael softly, almost to himself. “Okay, keep going. Tell me about everyone.”

“Yeah, so Geoff raised Gavin. Gavin’s birth parents got separated from him at the beginning of the apocalypse and Geoff looked after him.” 

“Where’s he from? The accent?” 

“England.”

“How’d he get here?”

“I think his family were on holiday when the apocalypse hit?” Trevor waved a hand above him dismissively. “If you ask him, he’d probably tell you. Anyway, Geoff met Jack when he and Gavin where passing through these woods here, and she was building this house. They started dating, and Gavin went off on his own for a while and met Ryan and us and brought us back here to them. We’ve been living here – uh – Matt?”

“I’d say about three years,” said Matt, now working on Trevor’s line of potatoes without a word. Michael wondered if Trevor’s laziness was the reason for his scars, then felt sick for thinking of it so callously. 

“Yeah, three years ago,” finished Trevor. “Lindsay and Meg joined us maybe a year ago? Which is good, because Lindsay has some medical experience and it’s not like any of us would have been able to deliver the baby. She’s become Jack’s apprentice, sort of, and Meg used to be a pretty high-profile trader, so she deals with exchanges when traders come by.”

“Right,” said Michael, trying to get his head around the complex interweaving of relationships here. “So why did Gavin leave Geoff and Jack?”

Trevor was silent for a while. “I think that’s something a bit more personal,” he finally said. “I’m happy to tell you barebones stuff, like how everyone knows each other, but I think that’s Gavin’s story to tell.” 

“Right,” said Michael, though he didn’t really understand. Perhaps here, he thought slowly, all of these people were like Academics, which meant they were entitled to privacy. Michael had never had that, as a Soldier, but it wasn’t a concept he hadn’t heard of before, at least.

“What about your friend, Jeremy?” he asked cautiously. “Are you allowed to tell his story?” 

“Only if you ask me to my face, zombie.”

Michael, Trevor and Matt all jumped and looked up quickly. The potato patch was situated directly beside the wall for its shade and right up on the high wall sat Jeremy, legs over the side and looking down on them.

“You’ve been asking an awful lot of questions about everyone,” said Jeremy, his eyes boring into Michael. “Why do you want to know?”

Coming down slightly off of the initial shock, Michael was now quite irritable, though mainly at himself for not noticing the man sitting on the wall. How long had he been there for? And what kind of a Soldier had Michael become if he didn’t even notice someone come so close?

“It’s to pass on to the zombies when I turn,” said Michael sarcastically, before he could stop himself. “I’m going to go up to the zombie king and let him know about this place. I’ll say, ‘don’t worry about attacking the walls because I’ve got information to destroy them _emotionally,_ from _within_ ’ _._ ” 

Trevor and Matt were snorting quietly, but Michael felt like his skin was bubbling – with anger or nervousness, he didn’t know. For a moment, he and Jeremy were locked in a staring battle. Finally Jeremy turned away, the tiniest smile on his lips.

“Okay, whatever,” he said, looking away and over the wall. He sighed, the smile fading.

“Sorry I had a go at you before,” he said, without looking at him. He didn’t elaborate any further.

“It’s – that’s fine,” said Michael hastily. “I didn’t think about what, you know, my uh, situation meant to people.”

“That’s not your fault, though,” said Jeremy, still staring off at the horizon. “You can’t help what happened to you.” 

Michael didn’t know what to say.

After a delicate silence, Jeremy shook himself and turned back to Michael. Just like that, it was like he was a different man.

He grinned sunnily and jumped from the wall, landing gracefully with a thud beside Trevor, who grumbled and slapped out at Jeremy’s ankles. Jeremy sat down in the dirt and said conspiratorially to Michael,

“So I heard you liked _Gavin._ ”

Michael’s outraged shouts and the roar of laughter from Trevor and Matt echoed across the compound, and for a moment Michael didn’t mind being here so much. In fact, he kind of liked it.


	6. Chapter 6

The next few days were tense within the walls of Achievement City (which Michael had been informed was the name of the base, though he could not fathom why). While Jack, Matt and Trevor were relaxed in his presence, and Jeremy was warming up to him more every day, that was not the case with the other five occupants of the house.

Ryan and Geoff were stony and perpetually threatening to Michael, to Jack’s frustration. He walked past doors and heard her pleading with them, or shouting at them, but they did not change their attitude and Michael slept with his knife in his hand, just in case.

Meg and Lindsay were just aloof. While it was clear that Ryan and Geoff were afraid of the danger he might bring to their family, he didn’t fully know Meg and Lindsay’s reason for disliking him. He wondered if perhaps it was the same thing was Jeremy – he was living proof that a zombie could bite you and you could still live on. Or maybe they thought he was lying, that he was using his missing arm as a smokescreen to break into their home and steal things.

Michael didn’t know what Gavin’s deal was. He only gave Michael a sad, searching look every time he saw him, but provided a blank expression when Michael caught his eye and found an excuse to leave the room shortly after.

 _It’s maddening_ , thought Michael, _but probably for the best_.

In spite of all that, though, Michael was enjoying his time within the walls of Achievement City, if only if it was to start to feel nearly human again. Ironically his time on the road had left him like a zombie, near-dead and shuffling along with only food in mind. Moreover his arm had taken a turn for the worst, but with Jack’s help his arm was healing quicker every day than it had in his two months on the road.

He dreaded returning to the road again, but he could feel his time him witling down as conflicts rose.

He would have left days later and never seen these people again, if it had not been for the night of the horde. 

 

* * *

 

Michael had been living at Achievement City for maybe a week when it happened. He had been sleeping in the examination room since he got here. With just a few blankets, it felt like the comfiest bed he’d ever had. Jack was quite apologetic when she had first set him up in here, but he was ecstatic. He’d slept deeper than he had in months, though he still woke up screaming.

This night, though, he never got a chance to go to bed. He was just trying to throw his blanket over his legs when he heard the first scream, shortly followed by a second and a third.

He was on his feet and outside in moments, running into Gavin in the hallway. “What happened?” asked Gavin urgently, momentarily forgetting his aversion to Michael. 

“I don’t know,” said Michael. “Sounded like it was coming from outside, though.”

Gavin nodded and led the way outside, where Michael realised with a sinking heart that the moans and screams of zombies could be heard. The sky had an almost reddish tint to it that left Michael feeling deeply apprehensive. 

Silhouetted on the wall was nearly everyone, peering over the edge. As Gavin and Michael moved to the ladder to climb atop the wall they were joined by Ryan and Jeremy, the last two members of the base that weren’t currently present. Michael allowed everyone to go before him. He’d found that climbing a ladder with one arm had a fifty-fifty success rate, and he imagined if he fell on Ryan he’d truly be fucked.

Throwing his body forward one rung at a time, he managed to scramble atop the wall. When he looked over the edge with the others, though, he wished he’d stayed on the floor.

There had to be a hundred zombies, screaming and beating on the front door. At this point only a few were at their feet, smashing against the wall in their effort to reach them. He felt Gavin shaking next to him, and he could hear someone crying. Michael sat down slowly on the wall.

Ryan was the first to speak. “We need to do something,” he said urgently. “We have to pick them off.”

“We haven’t got nearly enough ammunition,” said Jack hollowly. “We sold so much to those traders for food this winter. And you lost a lot in that fight last week.”

“Bow and arrows, then,” Ryan returned.

“They’d break down the doors before we’d get them all.”

“We’d be safe up here!”

“They’re just wooden walls so far, and they’re weak because I was going to replace them with cement next week! Look down!”

Michael and the others obediently looked, and realised with a start that cracks were showing in the very wall they were standing on. And the zombies were not slowing down. They needed to do something fast.

“Explode them all, then,” said Ryan quickly, clearly grasping the urgency of the situation as Michael had. “I have those prototype bombs Jeremy and I were working on.”

“You’ll explode the wall! And the ones you don’t kill will come straight in!”

“We have to draw them away,” said Michael, and before he could stop himself, he added, “I’ll do it.”

“What?” said Ryan, glancing irritably at Michael.

“I’ll draw them away,” said Michael, standing up slowly. “I’ll let them chase me for fifteen or so minutes, and you can set up a bomb while I’m doing that. Then I’ll bring them past that hill where we first meet. Blow them up there, we can pick off the rest safely away from the base.”

“No _fucking way,_ ” said Jack, unexpectedly. “It’s too dangerous. They’ll kill you right away.”

Ryan seemed to have dismissed the idea when Jack did, though he still looked troubled. “Maybe we can draw them to different parts of the wall and pick them off by section,” he said slowly, but he was still staring at Michael.

His eyes were searching, thoughtful. It was like Michael was watching a computer run scenarios, and Michael knew the exact moment when Ryan realised that Michael’s plan had the highest success rate for his family. Of course, Ryan didn’t mind if Michael died.

Slowly, he nodded at Michael. And Michael turned and threw himself off the wall.

He heard the others shout and scream as he fell, but he was concentrating on falling properly. It was something he had done a million times before in training, but his body was weighted differently now. Still, he landed carefully and rolled to his feet, sparing just one glance behind him to check the zombies had gotten the memo. 

They had. The screams had alerted the ones at the door too, and they were already nearly on top of him. 

He took off into the woods, scrambling hands just missing him.


	7. Chapter 7

There were a few things that Michael had forgotten. One – his stamina was not the same as it was. Two – zombies were fucking _fast_ at night. And Three – there were always more zombies.

Michael sprinted with everything he had, and was able to put a good couple of lengths between himself and the zombies. He settled into a rhythm, though the muscles he didn’t have screamed in protest, and tried to keep track of where he was in relation to the ridge and how much time had passed. He was almost beginning to think that the plan might just work, too, when, as suddenly as a light being switched on, Michael perceived a zombie racing straight at him just mere metres away.

In his alarm, Michael skidded to a stop and slipped. He crashed to the ground straight on his belly, but rolled and was immediately on his feet again, narrowly avoiding the scrabbling hands of the zombies just behind him. 

As the moans and howls grew louder, Michael’s sinking suspicions were confirmed – there was a second horde, and they were both on his tail now. Bile in his throat and terror in his limbs, he saw a high branch a few metres ahead of him and put his last bastion of strength into a flying leap. 

You can do crazy things on adrenaline. He made it, pulling himself up with the wasted muscles of just one arm, and scrambled up higher into the tree. He pressed his back against the trunk near the top and closed his eyes to the horrible, churning sight of the zombies below, surrounding his tree. He couldn’t close his ears to the sounds. 

And now he was in a whole new world of danger. Though less than half a minute had passed, he could feel the tree shaking beneath him, thick as the trunk was. They would upend this tree in minutes, maybe less.

He opened his eyes and chanced a look down. The zombies surrounded the tree for a three-metre radius, which was way further than he could jump in his current condition. Worse still, there was no other trees within jumping distance. And if he stayed as high as he was and they broke the tree, he would probably not survive the fall, let alone the hordes waiting for him below. 

A particularly loud crack reverberated up the tree, and Michael couldn’t help flinching. He became very aware of how hard he was shaking, and he had the same feeling of immovable terror in his chest he’d felt when he thought he’d die from the zombie bite.

_Same shit, different day. But this time there’s no handsaws. You’re on your own._

Swallowing, he looked up at the sky once last time. Though the moon was an eerie shade of red, it still gave him the sense of calm and freedom it had all those years ago, when he decided to become a Soldier. 

He wouldn’t die protecting Academics like he was supposed to, but maybe this was better. He would die protecting people who had shown him kindness and a little acceptance. Even if it was just a small margin of both, and hard won, at that, it was more than he’d ever known. He found himself laughing bitterly aloud at that thought. It looked like it would take his last moments on Earth for him to realise that maybe Haven wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.

The tree shuddered and shook beneath him, and the cracking noises and the snarls seemed to be getting louder and louder. Michael closed his eyes and held onto the tree trunk beneath him, his knuckles white. This was it.

Until it wasn’t. He tensed, waiting for the tree to fall, but it never came. In fact, the noises seemed to be fading. Slowly, he opened his eyes and looked down.

Inexplicably, there was a fraction of the zombies that were there before – instead of two hundred, there was maybe ten. He blinked twice, and looked around, but he couldn’t see anything. His eyesight was pretty terrible, in fairness. _But,_ he thought dazedly, _you’d think I’d be able to see two hundred zombies going somewhere else._

He started to shimmy down the trunk of the tree warily, still looking around him for the rest of the zombies. He was by no means out of the woods – the remaining ten zombies were still whaling on the tree with everything they had, and it was cracking precariously. He had to hit the ground running and bring the remaining ten over to the valley to be killed. He only hoped that the rest of the zombies had not smelt something at the base and returned to it, putting everyone in danger again.

And then he saw it. Lower to the ground, he could see the hordes sprinting off between the trees, in pursuit of two mini-bikes trailing fresh meat. He had no idea who was on the mini-bikes, but it didn’t take a genius to guess it was someone from the base. They had come to save him.

He stopped for a moment, a weird feeling in his throat. They had come to save him. It was so unexpected that he hadn’t even considered it. _They had come to save him._  

He felt a renewed vigour in his limbs. They had come to save him, and he was going to hold up his end of the plan with everything he had left. It was only ten zombies now, but they had nearly destroyed a tree from underneath him and they could do the same to the base.

He leapt off the last branch of the tree and hit the ground running. He’d barely gotten three strides, though, when an arrow whistled past his face and buried itself into the zombie directly behind him. 

He couldn’t help it. He jumped violently and stumbled, nearly fell over, and the zombies gained on him. But just as suddenly as the last arrow, another flew out of the darkness and caught the next closest one, and the next. Michael moved in a circle, letting the zombies chase him as whoever was in the trees pick off the remaining zombies. 

When the last one fell, Michael stood motionless in the pile of zombies, waiting for whoever was in the trees to come out. It took them so long that Michael was beginning to wonder if they had left.

Gavin slipped between the trees fluidly, making Michael think of the fairy-tales about dryads so acutely that he took his breath away. Only in his gracefulness, though, did Gavin resemble the woodland fairy – his face was so contorted with fury that it left him speechless, too.

“So even in a rescue situation you use yourself as bait, then,” said Gavin, his eyes sparking with anger as he notched another arrow and threw a pistol to Michael. Michael fumbled but caught it against his chest with difficulty, still trying to access speech.

“Huh?” 

“Forget it, you clearly don’t understand,” said Gavin, turning his back to Michael. “Come on, we need to go back to the ridge and help pick off stragglers.”

“OK,” said Michael, quickly checking his gun. He felt oddly touched by the thoughtfulness of it – they didn’t have many guns or bullets, but they knew he couldn’t use a bow and arrow.

Gavin shot him a disgusted look, though, that eradicated all thoughts of thoughtfulness. “Unbelievable,” he muttered, and stalked back into the trees. Feeling decidedly like a kicked puppy, Michael followed.

With the churned leaves and dirt from the mini-bikes and the moans and howls still close by, it was not hard to find. Gavin stole carefully through the trees, skirting around the noises to higher ground. Michael watched him absentmindedly, starting to understand how this man had gone off on his own. He might not look it, but he was shrewd and calculating and had an instinct that Michael had only seen in Head Soldiers.

He was just thinking that when Gavin stopped suddenly, and pushed his back against a tree. Michael hesitated but Gavin did not – he seized Michael by the shirt and pulled him against his chest. 

“Wha –“ began Michael, heart hammering at the intimacy. Then an explosion rocked the trees with such force that Michael felt as though his bones were rattling. Pressed against Gavin’s chest as he was he had a limited field of view, but looking to his left he could see the trees lit by a ball of flame that left them skeletal. Michael knew the same was surely happening to their tree and he moved in closer to Gavin’s chest instinctively. Gavin tensed, but let Michael sink into his chest.

And then, just as quickly as it had happened, it was over. There was a beat of silence and then the rattle of gunfire came through the trees. Gavin had not pushed Michael away. He had not flinched as Michael had at the gunfire, but was watching him, as calculating as before. 

Michael blushed, pushing off his chest quickly. “Of course,” said Gavin, his tone odd. “I suppose you want to get out there?”

Michael frowned. “We need to help the others.”

Gavin huffed and rolled his eyes, but moved towards the source of gunfire without another word.

They found the zombies, or rather what was left. Maybe twenty remained, meandering blindly around the leftovers of their comrades. Distractedly, Michael joined in picking them off from the trees with Gavin, though he was looking more at ground zero for the bomb.

It had created a crater maybe half a metre wide, but it had incinerated everything within a ten-metre radius of it. There was very little to show for the two hundred zombies that had been there – if they were not completely cremated, they had been reduced to little more than a finger here, a chunk of flesh there. Michael hoped fervently that the pair on the mini-bikes had got away safely, and that he never got on the bad side of the person who created the bomb.

And then it was over, and Gavin was walking into the clearing without another word. Michael followed hesitantly, though he didn’t really want to be anywhere near the remains of the bomb, lest it go off again. Gavin had no such qualms.

Neither did the others. Michael heard the two mini-bikes start up and roar into the clearing, devoid of their meat. Close up, Michael could see now it was Matt and Trevor riding. They did not catch his eye, their faces set to hard lines. Seconds later, Ryan, Jeremy, Geoff and Meg emerged from the trees, similar expressions on their faces.

“All present and accounted for, then,” said Geoff pointedly, looking at Michael. “All right, let’s head back to -.”

“Are you suicidal?” hissed Jeremy suddenly, cutting off the end of Geoff’s sentence. He was holding his body taunt like a bowstring, his eyes bright with the same passionate anger as the first day they had met. The others shifted and looked away, but Jeremy did not back down.

“No, we’re all thinking it,” he said, taking a step closer to Michael. “What is your problem? Are you trying to get yourself killed?” 

“All right, leave it for a second, Little J,” said Ryan tersely. “We can talk about it back at the base.”

“Oh, bugger off, Ryan,” said Gavin abruptly. “As if you didn’t encourage him.”

He shoved past without another word, heading back to the base. The others looked at each other restlessly again, and followed. For a second, Michael was alone in the clearing, in a better position than any just to leave and not return. He was acutely aware that everyone was mad at him, but he could not fathom why. Between returning to the hostile glares of the base or the empty stares of zombies, it was a close call of a decision. 

He followed them into the trees.


	8. Chapter 8

The sun was cresting over the trees when they finally made it back to the base in stony silence. The first thing he saw was Jack and Lindsay on the wall by the gate, bows drawn and eyes watchful. Their hands dropped with relief, though, when their eyes fell on the others returning.

The air became infinitely tenser as Michael entered the gates of the base. Jack slowly came down the ladder, helped by Geoff, and when she rounded to face Michael he felt immediately as though he had come before a tribunal for a final hearing.

His retribution didn’t come. Instead, Jack just sighed and rubbed her face slowly.

“Everyone to bed,” she said finally. Rather than obey her, though, as they usually did, the group erupted into shouts of disbelief.

Jeremy’s voice was the loudest. “Seriously? You aren’t going to say something to him?”

“What’s the point? He doesn’t understand what he did wrong!” Jack returned, just as loud. The discontented mutters were lessening as everyone tuned in to Jack’s response. For the first time, Jack rounded on Michael and looked him dead in the eyes. Michael couldn’t help but flinch.

“Michael,” she said, her voice commanding but less violent, somehow. “Do you know why you’ve upset some people here?”

“I – I –“ Michael stammered, feeling just as cornered as if he had come before the Haven Academics Hearing Board. “I didn’t lead the zombies away for long enough?”

Jack threw up her hands and turned back to Jeremy. “See? You should know better than anyone that it’s not something he’ll understand right away,” she said, nodding to Matt and Trevor. The pair looked embarrassed and murderous, respectively. 

Jack groaned, shaking her head. “Bed. We’ll talk when everyone wakes up.”

Michael was the first to slink off, acutely aware of nine pairs of eyes boring into the back of his head.

But although he felt antagonistic waves of resentment following him down the hall and seeping through the walls, as soon as he saw his bed his leg muscles finally gave out and he collapsed onto it. He was asleep seconds later.

 

* * *

 

To Michael’s surprise, he woke up alone the next day. Swinging his legs off the bed and stretching his aching muscles as best he could, he berated himself softly. They were mad at him, but he hadn’t done anything bad enough to wake up to a gun in his face. Surely.

But then again, he had no idea what to expect from this mystifying group of people. He could not anticipate their responses to anything, and he was still truly at a loss as to what he had done yesterday to upset everyone. He had only done his duty and protected the base as best he could. 

 _This type of thing would never have happened at Haven_ , he thought. But that moment of clarity he had in the tree last night returned to him with full force and he found himself thinking, _or would it?_

Yanking on a shirt, he pondered that. Now, if he were at Haven, then the issue _would_ be that he did not lead the zombies away for longer enough and, since he had failed to do that, he should not have returned alive. Here was different, though. There did not seem to be as harsh punishments for failing.

_“Are you suicidal?”_

Michael thought about what Jeremy had said as he left his room quietly. The way he had protected people in Haven had never been phrased like that, but in a way Michael could see now that he had a very low chance of surviving the crazy plan. And yet he had, so what was the issue?

Michael climbed the stairs to the bridge that connected the two houses, heading over to the kitchen. It was late afternoon but there was no one about, not even watching Achievement City’s defences atop the walls. Perhaps everyone was still sleeping. Michael decided to get something to eat and sit on the wall until everyone did wake up. 

Michael had his fingers on the handle of the kitchen door, however, when he heard the voices floating from the window and froze. They were not asleep, after all.

“...them what you told us about Haven, Meg.”

Michael shrank down and slipped under the window, heart hammering. It sounded like they were having a meeting in his absence – about him. _And they knew he was from Haven._

“It’s got a weird class system,” he heard Meg say hesitantly. “They prioritise the smarter members of society over everyone else and they brainwash the others to be zombie shields for when they want to leave the settlement. They’re expected to protect the smarter members or die.”

Restless murmurs followed Meg’s words. Michael was frozen under the window, trying to comprehend what Meg was saying. It was surreal to hear your life explained by an outsider, and to be explained so unfavourably, too. _Brainwashed..._

“My guess is Michael was one of the protectors,” Meg continued. “He has that look, like the Haven Soldiers I met trading there. Beats me as to why he’s here, though. He still doesn’t seem to have a very high opinion of the importance of his own safety, so I’m not sure he left willingly, I guess.”

“What do you mean?” said someone unexpectedly, and Michael searched his brain to match the voice. Geoff. He hadn’t spoken to him much, apart from to be threatened.

“Well –“

“Look at him!” someone else interrupted, as Meg began to speak. Michael recognised that voice straight away – Gavin. “He threw himself in front of the zombies for us just because Ryan nodded at him!”

“Yes,” said Meg hastily, as someone grumbled and the restless shifting grew louder. “I don’t think he’s ever disobeyed in his life. Which is why I think that he might have just left Haven, but I think it’s more likely he was kicked out, or something...”

“Well, it fits the bill,” he heard Jack say thoughtfully. “Haven... yes, I think you’re right, Meg, that’s probably where he’s from. Poor kid. Do you –“ 

Michael had heard enough. He stood quickly and hurried back across the bridge, not caring if they saw him but determined to get away from these people discussing his life so clinically. As he walked away he thought he heard a hush in the room, but he wasn’t sure.

He ended up, with no small amount of effort, on the wall facing the woods from which he had first come to this camp. The late afternoon was almost unnaturally quiet compared to the screaming unrest of yesterday, but Michael decided not to focus too heavily on the inevitability of future battles and focus simply on the comfortable ease of this moment.

He had been ignoring the implications of what the others had been saying about his former life, and right now was no different. With his legs dangling over the wall, he lay on his back and watched the clouds go by and thought of nothing. Ironically, it was a skill he had acquired in long nights of sentry at Haven. The sun was starting to glance the tops of the trees when he was tore from his reverie, some time later.

The sounds of someone climbing the ladder up the wall echoed through the wood beneath him and Michael sat up quickly, in time to watch Geoff’s head slowly appear. Geoff was not who Michael was expecting to talk to him, but he supposed he was second in charge to Jack.

Geoff seemed to know exactly what he was thinking. “Jack was going to come talk to you,” he said, a light grin on his face as he sat down that left Michael feeling a little unnerved, “but Ryan had kittens yesterday when she climbed up on the wall twice with how pregnant she is.” He shrugged good-naturedly. “First-time fathers, you know.”

“Did you have kittens, too?” said Michael quickly, a little more forcefully then he intended. “You’re a first-time father too, now, right?”

Geoff looked at him, his smile thoughtful. “I wondered how much you knew about mine and Jack’s and Ryan’s relationship,” he mused. “Thought you were cool with it?”

“I’m sorry – I am cool with it,” he returned, trying to speak more softly this time. Something about expecting a chewing-out had made him tense and sharp in his demeanour and tone. Just having a conversation like this was somewhat unsettling. “It’s just not something I’ve ever heard of before.”

Geoff smiled and shrugged, a picture of pleasantness that Michael had not experienced in the week or so he’d been here. “That’s fair. Guess it’s because of where you grew up.” 

Michael couldn’t stop himself. “Well, you would know all about that, wouldn’t you?” he hissed, his hackles up once more.

Geoff was not intimidated. “I was right,” he said, looking at Michael with an easy smile that made him feel like he was looking right through him. “Thought you were listening.”

“So what?” Michael bit out. “Here to tell me how sick my old life was?”

“No. You don’t need to talk about it, if you don’t want to. But  _we_ needed to talk about it. It just helps us understand why you do the things you do.” He continued to survey Michael with his thoughtful, x-ray smile. “Do you realise how much you scared everyone yesterday?”

Michael was thrown by the sudden change in tone. “Scared everyone? How?”

“You put yourself in danger unnecessarily.”

“But – it needed to be done,” said Michael, bewildered. Is _this_ what they were mad at him about? “It wasn’t unnecessary – I’m – I’m the most expendable member of this team. It was right for me to go out.” He hated saying that, knowing it was only adding to what Meg had said moments ago, but it was true.

“You are not,” said Geoff, his tone suddenly much firmer than it had been moments ago. He was now looking Michael straight in the eyes and Michael could not look away.

“We do not measure people by expendability here,” Geoff said resolutely. “Everyone is just as valuable as each other. And I know it might not seem it, because you haven’t been here for long, but we care about you here, okay? And –“ 

He paused for a moment, eyes sweeping over Michael face as if trying to find a sign that his words had sunk in, “We would like you to stay, if you want to.”

Michael was speechless for a long moment. “I – I couldn’t,” he stammered finally. “I don’t...”

But the words died in his throat. He didn’t want to leave, he grasped with absolute certainty. He had been given the choice, three times now, and he had chosen to stay. And though it was difficult to confront, he knew why he kept making that decision.

He had been here only a short week, but every second he spent in their company was adding to a working image he now had of life outside of Haven. And he was starting to realise that maybe he’d been a little starved for affection his whole life. And it was because of being here, with just four of nine people showing him just a little bit of attention, that he realised that. 

He wanted to stay and explore that more because yeah, okay, maybe he was a _lot_ starved for affection. 

He was afraid to lose it, and that was that. He wasn’t likely to be accepted anywhere else, anyway. And yet...

“You don’t want me to stay,” he whispered finally, scrunching his eyes closed hard so he wouldn’t have to look at Geoff. He didn’t know why he was fighting this, but wanting everything out on the table now. “You just pity me. And I’m useless, now. I can barely fight – I’m a danger, a liability –“

“That is not true, and that’s not what we’re about here,” reminded Geoff firmly. “I’m not asking you to stay so you can jump in front of zombies for us. In fact, I think everyone would prefer it if you never did that again.”

“ _You_ didn’t want me here. You thought I would being danger to the group, and I will. Haven -“ Michael hesitated, and his courage wavered and broke. For a moment, Geoff’s face flickered, his eyebrows quirked.

 _Haven might still be looking for me. They’ll kill me if they find me. They might kill you, too._ It was the truth, but with everything Geoff had said, that first day that he was here – Michael knew this would be a deal-breaker. They wouldn’t want him stay, knowing that. He cringed internally. He was such a coward. But he still didn’t say anything. 

“What about protecting Jack?” he finished weakly instead.

“She can look after herself,” said Geoff with a wistful stare out over the treetops. “Yeah, Ryan and I thought that you might bring some sort of trouble. It’s true that we didn’t want you here. We are about to become first-time fathers, like I said before. I hope you’ll forgive us for going a little crazy. We thought the pregnancy was clouding Jack’s judgement about you, but really it was clouding ours, wasn’t it?” 

Michael was confused, but Geoff just smiled softly. “When I first came here, me and Gavin, I thought the smaller the team, the easier to protect,” he said. “We could hide easily, we went undetected all the time. But then we met Jack here, by herself, setting up this enormous fortress for just one person, and I was scared to be with her, because then we’d be out in the open – so horribly out in the open.

“But I eased into that,” Geoff said. “And then Gavin left and brought back so many people, and I was scared again, but we eased into that. And then Ryan wanted to be with Jack and I, and I was scared again, but I eased into that and now here we are, months away from our first kid and I am the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.”

There was a long pause. Michael didn’t say anything.

“There’s something about this apocalypse, I guess,” Geoff said finally, a smile still on his lips. “God, it makes your terrified, doesn’t it? The less people you care about, the less likely you’ll have to deal with heartbreak. God knows I passed that charming little trait on to Gavin... but that’s not – I don’t want to live my life in terror. Every time I meet a new person, I have to remind myself again that I can’t let these zombies make me shut people out.

“But Jack’s never had to remember that. She built this massive house for as many people as she could fit; it was never just for her. Jack always knew that. She _can_ look after herself, and she looks after everyone around her, too. Which is where you come in. And which is why I am sorry, for being afraid to let you in.” 

A short pause followed, and then he added, “Ryan is too.”

Michael laughed a little at that, thinking that he would believe that when Ryan said it to his face. Geoff chuckled a little too, and Michael imagined they were thinking the same thing. Time would tell, with Ryan, but Michael had realised during Geoff’s speech that the man he had met a week ago was nothing like this man.

Like everyone out here, Geoff wore a persona. He was the tough mob-wife to Jack in the same way that Michael was an emotionless Soldier – which is to say, not at all. This Geoff, the real one finally revealing itself to him, was a gentle, heartfelt man who fiercely protected what he loved. Michael understood that, now.

“So,” said Geoff, standing on the wall and stretching. He offered Michael his hand expectantly. “You with us?”

Michael barely hesitated at all. “Yes,” he said, and Geoff took his hand and hoisted him to his feet, grinning.

“Great,” he said. “Because no-one wants to help Trevor and Matt with the rest of the harvest and I elected you.”

Michael snorted and followed Geoff to the ladder. He saw movement before him and looked up just in time to see Jack disappear back into the kitchen from where she had been standing, watching them, on the bridge. He caught the smile on her face as she turned and knew it mirrored his. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to SpellBoundNova, Mond, D and zoewinter1 for their comments - I know quite a lot of people who read fan fiction also write it, so I'm sure you know how encouraging and special it is to receive comments, especially when they're so nice. Thank you so much, all of you - and thank you to the people who kudos, too! Many more chapters to come, so buckle in lads.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, so sorry for the long wait on the next chapter, I know I promised to upload every couple of days. I destroyed my laptop and it took quite a while to get the hard drive recovery. Kinda makes me regret my aversion to iCloud. 
> 
> Anyway, here's the next chapter! I'd like to thank thatchickwithpigtails, ZipZap42, FrederickII, JayJay for their comments during the wait, I really appreciate them! Also big thanks to my regular readers and everyone who has kudos-ed ❤︎❤︎❤︎
> 
> Happy Holidays to everyone who celebrates a holiday this time of year, and happy Sunday to everyone who is not!! Hopefully I can keep my laptop safe this time and you can all expect more regular chapters.

Living properly with other people after months of solitude had both its perks and its downsides. Michael liked to focus mainly on the perks, of course.

Michael could scarcely believe he had been here a month now.

He moved out of the medical room, to Jack’s delight, and into a room a floor above, with Gavin’s room on one side and Jeremy’s on the other. It had just a mattress, right now, but Jack was determined for Michael to make it his own and resolved to purchase him more knickknacks from the travelling traders that sometimes dropped by.

His arm was nearly healed, too, and it did not cause him nearly as much pain as it had.

More than anything, though, the biggest perk was how unbelievably happy just _talking_ to the crew made him. After Geoff invited Michael to stay, he had witnessed a swift one-eighty in attitudes towards him, so much so that he was a little alarmed at first.

Lindsay and Meg apologised for being aloof, and admitted they had thought he was a bandit. “Didn’t realise you were from Haven until Matt mentioned what you said about Soldiers and Workers. Not the nicest place I’ve visited as a trader,” said Meg, and patted his arm sympathetically.

Bemused, Michael had no reply, but from that point on Lindsay and Meg were warm and friendly, and now he even considered them friends. In fact, he considered everyone here friends. Nearly.

That left Ryan and Gavin, though, who were a little harder to crack than the girls. Ryan, surprising no-one, did not apologise for his aversion to Michael, but never made threatening advances to Michael again. He was quiet and respectful to Michael, and Michael knew why. He could see that to Ryan, what people could do mattered, in spite of what Geoff said. He had proved himself to Ryan when he led the zombies away; proved how he could protect the family. Michael didn’t want to think about why, but the idea that Ryan approved of him gave him a deeper satisfaction than it probably should have.

So there was only one person that Michael had no idea where he stood with, and that was Gavin. In truth, Michael wasn’t even sure _Gavin_ himself knew what he thought about Michael. Some days he would be quiet, and on other days he’d be all over Michael, his flirty, joking hands always leaving Michael’s heart hammering.

Gavin represented both a perk and a downside. His bewildering behaviour was somewhat explained to Michael some weeks into his stay at Achievement City - or rather, Michael stumbled across the answer one day, walking past Gavin’s room on his way to the kitchen one day.

It was the startling presence of two voices in Gavin’s room that made him stop, and it was hearing his name that made him stay. The two voices speaking within were quietly heated, and Michael leaned closer to the door, hearing his name again. 

“...Michael alone. This messing around with him is really not cool, Gavin –“

That was Matt. 

“I’m not messing around with him. It doesn’t mean anything –“

“It probably does to him, Gavin. Do you even understand what’s going on with him? He’s left his settlement, he’s lost his arm – he’s probably fucked up enough from that, not to mention that he might not know he’s gay –“ 

Michael jerked back. _Gay?_ He wasn’t gay. More importantly, he wasn’t allowed to be gay. No one was. The Academics had made it clear that women and women, and men and men, could not fulfil the important biological function of creating children together. It was necessary for the survival of the human race for that to happen, everyone knew that. Unless that was just a Haven rule? 

“You can’t mess around with settlement kids, Gavin,” Matt finished. “Take it from me.”

“I’ll do what I _want_ –“

The crack of a door opening made Michael start and he quickly turned away from Gavin’s door and started walking down the hall Jeremy left his room.

“Morning,” said Jeremy cheerfully. “Breakfast time?”

Michael nodded mutely and forced a smile, but he spent the entirety of breakfast that day replaying what they had said. _He’s probably fucked up._

Well, if nothing else was true, that was. The second major downside was comprehending this.

After he left the Haven lab, he’d fallen into a shell-shocked survivalist mindset that focused only on where to sleep next and where to get the next meal from. In this haze, Michael barely had a chance to think about his arm, or leaving the Haven, or what that meant. Now he was able to take a breath here, though, Michael had come to realise a few things.

First: yeah, he was pretty fucked up. Second: he had not realised how horribly difficult life was without an arm. The latter he focused on more, because it now affected every area of his life.

He constantly reached for things with the arm that was not there. He had to re-learn small motor movements with his other hand, because he’d always so adeptly used the other for things like that. He couldn’t operate a bow and arrow, tie his shoe with ease, or use a knife and fork.

It seemed odd, to mourn the loss of his arm months after it had been lost, but that’s what Michael found himself doing now. Everything was hard without it. And the worst part was that the others noticed the difficulty he was having. And they _pitied_ him for it.

Michael was reminded painfully of that fact just a few days ago, when a horde passed close to the house.

“Stay down here,” urged Jeremy, as Geoff, Trevor, Matt, Meg and Gavin nodded in agreement. Ryan alone did not make any indication of agreement – he stared at Michael shrewdly.

They were scaling the wall to check out the horde and decide how to tackle it – it had yet to turn its attention to the fort, but they would need to be prepared if it did. Barely days ago Jack had begun directing everyone in the removal of the wood fence to replace with a concrete wall, and areas of the wall were not as secure as they had been. As it was, only two-fifths of the wall had been upgraded. 

“I can climb ladders,” said Michael, confused. Jeremy glanced at Trevor for support. Trevor grimaced.

“We – haven’t got much ammo, though,” Trevor said finally, as the others quickly turned to the ladder and began to scale the fence. “If we have to fight, there’s not much you can do.” 

“You can protect Jack and Lindsay?” said Jeremy with faux-optimism. Michael didn’t respond. He was speechless with anger and indignation and – embarrassment, of all things. He had been demoted to civilian protection. The cushy job, for the clumsy and brain-dead Soldiers. Not Michael, who’d been top of his class at Haven. 

Jack and Lindsay tried to comfort him, but all it came down to was that he was no longer able-bodied to them. It didn’t matter that his arm was almost healed. It didn’t matter that he had fought alongside them twice now. Everything he had ever been was suddenly obsolete and useless. And though Michael knew that he should not be holding onto his Haven abilities and personality traits, he could not let it go. This was who he _was._ He protected people.

Which is why Michael found himself this morning out in the cool early air; running circuits of sprints, benching rocks and struggling through one-armed push-ups. 

The task was decidedly more difficult than he remembered, and he had to acknowledge that for the first time in his life, he was not in fighting shape. He’d lost a lot of weight in the last couple of months, and much of it was muscle weight.

Well, he’d have to gain it back, then. 

He managed to escape appraisal for nearly a week before the others noticed he was training.

“What the _hell_ are you doing?”

Michael dropped a sizeable rock with a thud, trying to keep the feeling of sheepishness from entering his facial features. Jack stood just a few metres away, arms crossed and eyebrows raised. She was practically vibrating with maternal concern, even without her enormous belly. She was less than a month off, now, and her and her men were constantly on edge, waiting for her water to break.

Michael remembered just a few weeks ago, when he had felt her baby kick for the first time. He’d found it difficult to banish the feeling of wrongness being around her when she was so pregnant. But though Michael tried faintly to explain that he was not allowed to touch pregnant women, and that just being around her was deeply taboo, too, Jack had remained insistent.

Really, Michael ended up breaking the rule just to stop her pleading with him, but when he finally touched her stomach and felt the baby kick he was glad he did. 

“Training,” Michael said finally, trying to keep his voice light and joking. “I’m gonna get fat here if I’m not careful.” 

“Fat – _fat?”_ shrieked Jack, incredulous. “ _Fat?_ Michael, you are still severely underweight! You should not be training in your condition –“

“And what condition is that, Jack?” said Michael, his voice suddenly tight. 

Jack hesitated. By this time, Ryan, Gavin and Lindsay, the other early risers of the group, had joined them, drawn by curiosity to the commotion. Matt, who was on watch last night, had walked along the wall to a closer spot, so he could hear better.

“Michael –“ she started, her voice softer now than before, but for the first time since he had come here – hell, for the first time in quite a few years – Michael let his temper get the better of him.

“You all think I’m made of glass,” Michael snarled, his hands clenched at his sides so hard his knuckles were white. He almost hadn’t realised how much resentment he had been carrying about this but it was all coming out now. “You treat my like I’m broken and weak but I’m fucking _not._ I was the top of my fucking class at Haven –“

“We’re not _at Haven!_ ” Jack interrupted, her eyes flashing. Michael grabbed his hair in frustration.

“I – don’t – give – a – fuck! I get it! You don’t want me to act like I did at Haven! But I can’t forget the ways things were and it doesn’t change that up until three months ago, that was the only life I had ever known so _fuck me_ for being a little stuck in my ways still!” 

By this time, the shouting had drawn nearly all the others. Michael could hear doors opening and he was very aware that he was making quite a scene, but right now his blood felt like it was on fire and he couldn’t stop this uncontrollable word-vomit coming from him.

“I’m a Soldier, I don’t know how to be anything else. And I’m not weak so stopping fucking treating me that way!”

“We don’t –“ started Jack.

“You do, you all do! You made me wait on the ground the other day! That’s fucking bullshit! I can fight hand-to-hand better than half of you can shoot a bow and arrow! This-“

“Prove it.”

Michael stopped as Ryan stepped forward, arms crossed, his expression unreadable. He was either very amused or furious.

“Fight me.” 

Scandalised gasps ran through the group, and Michael quickly scanned everyone’s faces. Jeremy looked sleepy and bewildered, Trevor and Meg guarded and pitying, Jack, Lindsay and Matt horrified, and Gavin – well, Gavin had a little smile on his face, looking at Michael almost hungrily.

Michael gave Ryan a feral smile. “Finally.”

He took two steps forward and swung at Ryan with everything he had. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's a quick new chapter to say thanks for waiting to my regular readers over the long wait! Also wanted to say hello and thank you to my new commenter, sophiabell01, and also big thanks to the people who comment regularly! Also massive love to everyone to give kudos on this story, I really appreciate it. Merry Christmas if you celebrate!

Ryan blocked his wild punch easily, just as Michael had expected him to do. He was not able to block his high kick.

The kick caught him right in the ribs and Ryan was knocked back a few steps. To Michael’s surprise, Ryan laughed almost delightedly, and re-joined the fight quickly.

He swung at Michael from the left and right, being just as aggressive on Michael’s unprotected right side as he was his left. Michael blocked his left but took hits on his right again and again – dozens to the ribs and stomach, two to the face, a few to his arm.

Ryan clearly thought he had the upper hand, but he didn’t know that these were the fights Michael loved best – the back and forth of combat, the struggle of a fair match. Michael allowed himself to get hit, ignored the screams and shouts of the others, waited for Ryan’s punches to get sloppy, lazy –

And again landed a kick on Ryan harder than any of the punches he had been dealt so far. And to the face, too.

Ryan’s head snapped back, and for a second his arms pin wheeled, but he righted himself just before falling over. As expected, Ryan over corrected, bending his body forward to stop himself falling. And as he did, Michael used his own strength against him and, with his hand pulling Ryan's head down, brought his knee up to Ryan’s chin with a resounding crack.

The screams were louder now. Ryan took several steps back, disorientated, and for a moment Michael thought he had won. But Ryan shook his head, spat out a mouthful of blood, and returned to the fight with a determined glee.

His returning punch ended the game, catching Michael easily on the right side of his jaw and cracking his head to the left so ferociously Michael saw stars. When the spots cleared, Michael was on the floor. He could see Ryan standing over him while Geoff strode up, shouting. In fact, everyone was shouting. Michael couldn’t discern the difference between the voices, but he could certainly hear what they were saying.

“What the _fuck,_ Ryan –“ 

“You’re fucking mental –“

“Ryan, you –“

Michael swept his leg out with his last ounce of strength, catching Ryan hard in the ankles and knocking him over backwards. Ryan actually screamed, unexpectedly, and landed on his back hard. He groaned and rolled over to face Michael.

Michael sat up and offered him his hand. Ryan grinned and took it, sitting up too.

“Call it even?” Ryan asked, still holding Michael’s hand. Michael shook it.

“Even,” he said, then added. “For now. Wait until I’m back into fighting shape and I’ll be putting you on your ass first, old man.”

“Ha! Over my dead body.”

“It will be!” Jack bawled. She looked beside herself. “Unbelievable – I can’t – not thinking – you could have killed him, Ryan – “

“Okay, you have all clearly missed the point,” Michael said, exasperated. “ _This is what I want._ Ryan is not treating me like I’m made of glass, like all of you have been doing.”

“And he could have just as easily killed me,” interrupted Ryan. He frowned and seemed to be feeling inside his mouth with his tongue. A moment later, he spat out a tooth. 

“You bitch,” he said conversationally to Michael.

Jack looked from one to the other and back again, her face disbelieving. “ _Men,_ ” she finally whispered, and strode away without another word.

The silence that followed was interrupted by Ryan, who shrugged good-naturedly. “She’ll be fine,” he said, pushing himself to his feet and pulling Michael up too. “Anyway, so what we need to work on is your guarding on your right side –“

“We?” echoed Michael.

“Yeah, of course ‘we’,” replied Ryan. “If you’re training, I’ll train with you. I’m not going to be one of those dads that gets fat the minute they have a kid, like Geoff will.”

Geoff spluttered and seized Ryan by the elbow, yanking him away as he began a rant that already threatened to live on in infamy. More importantly, it looked as though Geoff was dragging Ryan in the direction that Jack had just left, so the promise of a tag-team screaming match was evident.

Those who remained seemed to realise that, and began to disperse to places they could hide from the wrath of angry Jack and Geoff. Either that, or they were using the excuse conveniently to hide from Michael’s accusations. It didn’t matter. Michael was all yelled out, for one. Besides, he felt confident that he had proved himself to the others. 

And to Gavin, it seemed. “That was _brilliant,_ ” he said to Michael, who felt his cheeks go hot and that flip-flop in his stomach. He felt that all lot, nowadays. 

“Oh,” Michael stammered, suddenly shy and self-conscious. “I –“

“Hey, you need help patching up?”

Michael looked up to see Trevor and Matt, smiling affably. Michael nodded without thinking, a little thrown. Just a moment had passed, but the vibe had gone from slightly awkward to tense as hell. With a glance between the men in front of him, Michael understood why.

Matt and Gavin were locked in some non-verbal combat using just their eyes. They both looked livid, hands clenching and un-clenching at their sides.

“Er...” Trevor began, clearly looking for something to say to break the tension. Gavin interrupted him.

“So I’m not even allowed to talk to him, now?” he scowled lowly. Without another word or a backwards glance, he stalked off back to the house, where the shouts of Geoff and Jack were beginning to echo. Angrily, Matt followed. 

“What was that about?” Michael asked Trevor, who looked equal parts exasperated and embarrassed.

“Nothing,” Trevor sighed. “They’re just having an argument about something. C’mon, let’s find Lindsay – “

Michael felt wretched. Half of the compound were fighting because of him. He felt like he had said what he needed to say, but the guilt of the aftermath for Ryan, Geoff and Jack was starting to outweigh the satisfaction of speaking his mind.

And as for Gavin and Matt – well, contrary to what they thought, he was pretty sure he knew what they were fighting about. Him. He felt even guiltier about how that quietly thrilled him - like Gavin had a secret, forbidden crush on him.

But he nursed that idea like a daydream, knowing that it was much more likely that Matt was projecting his feelings about settlements onto Gavin and simply annoying him. He mused about Gavin all throughout the tense day that followed, with half the inhabitants of Achievement City not talking to one another. 

And perhaps he would have held that quiet fantasy within him without ever mentioning it, if Gavin had not come into his room in the dead of night and made the dream his complicated, life-altering reality.


	11. Chapter 11

Everyone had shuffled off to bed hours ago when Michael finally slipped the Professor’s book under his mattress and blew out his candle. He had taken to flicking through it at night, though he was no closer to understanding its contents.

Rolling onto his side, he looked through his window at the moon. It was a crescent, tonight, but it always worked to lift Michael’s spirit. He could see the moon from wherever he was in the world now. This new life might be painful and baffling and endlessly confusing, but he was free. He thought about that every night before he went to bed. He was free. 

His eyelids were beginning to droop, though, when he noticed movement in his doorway. His door had slid open soundlessly, and someone padded into the room. 

A thrill of fear tore through Michael and he yanked his knife out from under his pillow. The person, though, scoffed quietly and closed the door softly behind him. 

“It’s fine, it’s just me,” the voice murmured, and Michael lowered his knife with disbelief. Gavin moved into the moonlight and sat on the side on Michael’s mattress, gazing into his face with his usual searching, hungry eyes.

“What are you doing?” Michael whispered, putting his knife down and sitting up to face Gavin.

“Seems like I’m not allowed to talk to you at all, now,” said Gavin mischievously. “So I guess we’ll have to do it in secret.”

“Not allowed?” 

Gavin hummed, picking up Michael’s knife from the floor and twirling it expertly between his fingers. For a moment, Michael was transfixed by the moonlight glinting on the steel and Gavin’s long, slender fingers. 

“By who?” Michael asked finally, tearing his eyes away. 

“Doesn’t matter,” said Gavin, dropping the knife on the floor with a clang of steel. Anxiously, Michael listened for movement from the other rooms, but he relaxed after a tense moment.

He didn’t know why, but he felt guilty. Of course, Gavin didn’t know that Michael had heard him arguing with Matt. But Michael knew, and he felt like he was betraying Matt, somehow. Matt was clearly trying to protect him from Gavin – but why, Michael didn’t know.

All that didn’t change the fact that Michael didn’t want Gavin to leave. 

“So what did you want to talk about?” asked Michael.

Gavin smiled; a breathtaking, devastatingly beautiful look. “That’s enough talking for me, I think,” he said, and without further ado he seized Michael by the shirt with one hand and threaded his other hand through Michael’s hair. Michael wasn’t sure if he had leant in or if Gavin had pushed their faces together, but before he was even aware of what was happening their lips met. 

Gavin kissed him, hard and deep and passionate. He kept one hand tight in Michael’s hair but the other hand roamed everywhere, trailing up and down his chest, along his face, nails digging into his bicep. Gavin seemed to be losing himself in the kiss but Michael felt as though he had never been more present. 

What should he do with his hand? His mouth? What was Gavin thinking? Did he like this? Was Michael doing a good job? Fuck, Gavin was a good kisser. He liked that hand pulling his hair...he liked the way Gavin’s tongue moved around his mouth....

He liked this. 

Michael’s hand finally moved, pushing Gavin in the centre of the chest with colossal effort. They broke apart, panting, Michael dazed and Gavin confused. 

“What –“ began Gavin.

“N-n-not allowed,” gasped Michael, touching his lips unconsciously with his fingers. “We’re – not allowed.”

“To kiss?” asked Gavin, crossly. “By who? Did Matt say something to you?”

Michael said nothing. He could see realization dawning on Gavin’s face, and he closed his eyes to the pitying look that would follow.

A long moment passed before Gavin spoke. “Was – being gay forbidden, in Haven?” he asked, tentatively.

Michael opened his eyes, looking anywhere but Gavin. His eyes settled on the moon. 

“I’m...not...” Michael tried weakly. The denial sounded incredibly feeble, even to him.

Gavin was silent for so long that Michael was almost afraid he’d quietly left, as soundlessly as he entered. When he looked back at Gavin, he found him watching Michael intensely, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. 

“Do you still follow Haven’s rules, then?” asked Gavin suddenly.

“No!” said Michael hastily, but then stopped himself. Gavin was looking at him critically, as though he could see straight through him. He’d been doing that since day one. Only he seemed to know when Michael was lying. It made it difficult, now. 

“I’m trying to stop,” said Michael truthfully. “It’s just – hard. When it’s something you’ve been taught your entire life. I’m – struggling, a bit.”

It was the first time he’d admitted that, even to himself.

“To adapt to life on the outside?” asked Gavin.

“Yes,” said Michael. “But it’s not just living out here. It’s talking to people; interacting. Everything is different. The way things are out here is nothing like back in Haven, especially rules-wise. I can’t seem to say the right thing. And I feel guilty. All the time.”

He omitted what he felt guilty about; sure, causing fights with merely his presence certainly gave him a sense of remorse, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was putting them all in danger just by staying here. But Geoff had said it was okay...

Gavin nodded slowly, pulling at a fraying piece of Michael’s blanket. “I suppose being with me makes you feel guilty too, huh?”

Michael nodded weakly. 

“But do you want to be?”

Michael was thrown. Gavin had looked up, skewering him with an intense look. “I –“ 

“Do you like talking to me?” Gavin asked, his fingers trailing lightly up Michael’s thigh.

Michael couldn’t deny that. He had talked just a few times, at the breakfast table and around the compound, but every second had left Michael’s heart hammering. “Yes.”

“And you like looking at me?” He moved a little closer to Michael, bringing them now only centimetres apart.

Michael gazed at Gavin’s gorgeous face and nodded vigorously.

“What about –“ his hands trailed up Michael’s chest, stopping to rest on his face, “Touching me?” 

“Yes,” Michael managed, in a somewhat strangled voice. Gavin smiled lightly, the moonlight hitting him in such a way that his face had an ethereal, angelic quality to it. 

“Here’s the thing about being out here, compared to Haven,” Gavin whispered. “We don’t do things for the greater good. We do things because we want to. Life – real life – isn’t about working for a higher power. So tell me this – putting aside everything anyone has every told you to do or be –“ he slowly enunciated every word in his strange accent, “what – do – you – want?”

He couldn’t help the words that tumbled from his lips as he finally, for the first time, stopped thinking about what Haven told told him to do. He didn’t think about how many rules this was breaking, or what Matt and Trevor would say if they found out, or what it supposedly meant for a man to kiss another man. He didn’t care. 

He finally admitted to himself – and to Gavin – what he’d known his entire life, but hadn’t felt safe to say.

“For you to kiss me.”

“Good,” Gavin said, and he leant forward and kissed Michael with more passion than he had ever known. Michael did the same.


	12. Chapter 12

They didn’t have sex, to Michael’s equal parts relief and disappointment. At one point it had looked like they were going that way, but as Gavin’s hand trailed lower down Michael’s body, he gave such a unbridled moan that Gavin stopped. 

“Are you a virgin?” he asked, without preamble. Michael was quiet. Gavin looked momentarily thrown.

“Ever kissed anyone before?”

“Yes!” said Michael heatedly, omitting that it was Barbara, and him and his fellow Soldiers had taken turns just to get the feel of how to do it. And they were 10. But it counted.

“Hm,” said Gavin, and captured his lips again. From that point on, he kept everything they did specifically above the waist – but god, the things he could do with his mouth alone meant there was little difference if he’d been working above or below the waist.

Finally Gavin flopped beside Michael, panting. Michael stared up at the ceiling, trying to catch his breath as well. For a long moment, neither of them spoke. Michael momentarily wondered if Gavin was falling asleep. 

“Well, this was fun,” said Gavin, propping himself up on his elbows and quirking his lips into a smile at Michael.

“Yeah,” said Michael, trying to match Gavin’s casual tone. “Wanna do it again sometime?”

Gavin laughed delightedly. “Count on it,” he said, then bent over Michael, gave him one last smouldering kiss, and disappeared lightly out the door before Michael could say another word.

Unexpectedly, Michael fell asleep immediately after he left, though the spots where Gavin’s lips had been tingled well into the night.

 

* * *

 

Michael woke up much later than he usually would have, but hurried out the door to train nonetheless. Life-changing night or no, he still needed to work out.

He was surprised, however, to find Ryan already running sprints in the early morning sun. Dropping his water bottle, Michael fell into step beside Ryan, and the pair didn’t talk until the circuit was over.

“I thought you’d be forbidden to train,” said Michael, as they settled onto the floor to stretch. Ryan scoffed.

“I’m an adult; I can’t be ‘forbidden’ to do anything,” he replied, but his face softened as pulled his heel closer to him. “I have been allowed to work out with you on the proviso that we stop doing deliberately dangerous stuff.”

Michael nodded slowly, a smile ghosting his lips. Ryan glanced at him quickly. 

“I’m not whipped,” he said, from nowhere. Michael’s smile widened.

“I’m not! Geoff said if I kept stressing Jack out like this, the baby might come too early –“

Michael was fully grinning now. Ryan stopped, and shook his head angrily.

“Whatever. Time to fight, you smug asshole.” 

In spite of what Ryan said about not being whipped, their fight today was significantly less violent than yesterday. It actually wound up being a fighting class, more than anything, with Michael teaching Ryan the manoeuvres he’d used the day before. As it transpired, while Michael had skill in fighting, Ryan only had a berserker rage that allowed him to attack without noticing pain.

But in the same way, as they ran through the moves, Ryan was teaching _him._ Michael moved twice to demonstrate a move and found that he couldn’t, now, because of his arm. Both times he stopped, suddenly emotional, but Ryan carried on smoothly. 

“Like this?” he said, trying the move. Michael nodded slowly. 

“Maybe if you leant like that – no, like that – yeah – does it work now?”

Ryan presented clinically thoughtful ideas on how to block with his amputated arm and utilise it whilst fighting, for which Michael was very grateful. He didn’t know what had happened between just yesterday and today, but Ryan was an entirely different person to Michael.

The swift one-eighty in Ryan’s personality was a little jarring, to say the least, and Michael found himself a little on edge, waiting for it to snap back to the way it was before. But he never did.

Michael did not have long to wonder why Ryan had changed his opinion of him. Trying a high kick on Ryan, but slowly, Michael slipped and fell. Ryan snorted quietly.

“Oh, fuck off,” said Michael heatedly, grumpily brushing his clothes. “As if you could fucking do it.”

Ryan just laughed with even more delight. “There he is!” he said. “Grumpy bear Michael.”

“What?” said Michael, standing with a confused frown.

Ryan fluttered his hand at Michael carelessly. “Just something me and Geoff were talking about yesterday,” he said. Michael still looked blank.

“When you drop your guard and relax, you’re like a snarling, grumpy bear,” Ryan explained, his eyes sparking mischievously. “I noticed it the first time I met you, and then again yesterday. You even curl your lips and show your teeth. It was awesome. The grumpy bear is the Michael I like. That’s the real you, I think.” 

Michael had no response to that, and Ryan dropped it.

As they wrapped up that day, Jack walked over to watch from a tree stump, an egg and bacon sandwich in hand and a sullen expression on her face.

“Look at you both,” Jack grumbled. “You look like fucking UFC fighters. There’s a great idea, isn’t there? Hurt each other now that the zombies can’t. Fan-fucking-tastic.”

Ryan just laughed. “Ah, c’mon, dear,” he said, going over to her. “Don’t be like that. You gave us the okay yesterday.”

She just grumbled wordlessly, but allowed Ryan to kiss her on the forehead. Her expression softened, then, and she turned her gaze to Michael. 

“Just be careful, the pair of you,” she said. “I only signed off on this given you did it safely, okay? So that means no more violent fights for the sake of it.” 

Michael nodded sheepishly as she gave him a stern look. Quickly, he retreated to his room to change clothes before breakfast and the long day of fixing the City’s walls. All the while, he was thinking.

It truly was an astonishing feeling to have someone care about your wellbeing and safety. Jack’s mothering instincts, her clear interest in his welfare, left Michael feeling quite thrown. And while it was lovely and made him feel accepted and a part of this family – he also felt the sickly feeling of being smothered, of being treated like a child. 

He was uncomfortable with it, and in a way it made him miss Haven. There was something about the detachment from his fellow Soldiers and the disregard that the Academics had for them that made him feel freer than he felt now.

 _But that was ridiculous,_ he thought as he crossed the bridge to the kitchen. _Because if I had gone back to Haven, I wouldn’t have been free at all. I would have been imprisoned and dead._

Breakfast for him was a quiet affair. Truth be told, he had almost forgotten about his killing of the Professor and Mike. Or maybe he’d chosen to forget.

Either way, now he had recounted exactly _why_ he couldn’t return to Haven, he found himself reliving it again, waves of guilt crashing over him again.

Maybe he should have returned and faced atonement for his crimes. Maybe he shouldn’t be here now, putting these people in danger like he was. Maybe, maybe, maybe...

“Hey!”

A finger clicking in front of his face pulled him from his thoughts to find Trevor standing in front of him, Matt just behind. The others were leaving the kitchen now, moving to the east side of the wall today for reinforcement. The others were shooting curious glances back at him – Trevor had clearly been trying to get his attention for a while. Michael blushed, but noticed with an odd feeling in his stomach that Gavin was leaving the room without looking back.

“Time to harvest,” said Trevor briskly. Matt rolled his eyes.

“Time for _Michael and I_ to harvest, you mean.”

Trevor shrugged and Michael, sufficiently distracted, joined them.


	13. Chapter 13

“A raid?” Michael repeated, perking up at Ryan’s announcement a week later.

“Yeah,” said Ryan, shovelling down a big mouthful of eggs as he spoke. Around the table, the others perked up in interest. “One more, before Jack goes into labour. That way we won’t have to go out again for a longer period of time after that baby comes.” 

“What are we going after?” asked Jeremy. Michael noticed he had already counted himself among the people going.

“Tinned food, meat; weapons and medical supplies if we can get them. But mainly just food to stockpile.”

Jeremy nodded thoughtfully. “Where to?”

“That town you saw to the east on our last raid. We haven’t been there yet – hopefully neither has the rest of the unwashed masses.”

Jeremy snorted, but Michael saw Lindsay frown. “The east?” she asked. “That has got to be three days away at least. The baby is due in maybe two weeks. Three days there, three days back, maybe five days raiding - what if you miss the birth?”

Now, upon closer inspection, Michael noticed Jack and Geoff did not look happy at all. Their expressions were troubled and maybe even a little hurt as they glanced at Ryan to see how they would react to that.

“It’s necessary,” he said, scraping the last bit of food off his plate and jamming it in his mouth. “When the baby is born I won’t be able to leave for a while, so we need a stockpile of supplies. And I won’t miss the birth,” he added, with such finality that he left no room for argument.

As Ryan stood to take his dish to the sink, Michael blurted out what he had wanted to say since the announcement.

“Who is going?” 

“You, me, Jeremy and Gavin,” said Ryan, without ceremony, though he must have known what a big deal it was to Michael to be included in the raiding party. As he quietly celebrated, the rest interjected.

“Aw, why not us?” said Trevor, without much heart.

“ _I_ wanted to go –“ Meg protested, but Ryan waved them down.

“We need you lot here to protect the base while we’re gone –“

As they argued, Michael looked up and caught Jeremy’s eye, who wiggled his eyebrows at him enthusiastically and grinned. Returning his smile, Michael turned his eyes to Gavin. 

Gavin’s eyes were glazed, and when Michael looked at him, he looked away. Supressing the urge to scream or cry, Michael looked away too. 

It had been like this for the past week now. Gavin would be coldly detached to him during the day, but when night came he was fiery passion, never failing to visit Michael’s room. It had quickly become clear to Michael that what was happening was a secret, but he had to suffer through a few days of emotional whiplash before he realised that was the case.

Why it was a secret, though, Michael wasn’t sure. He had a good feeling that it was because Matt had warned Gavin not to touch Michael, but some deeply insecure part of him wondered if it was because Gavin was ashamed of him.

In truth, Michael was a little afraid of the others knowing about it too. He couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt. Had he been back at Haven, this would be deeply, deeply taboo.

But he couldn’t seem to stop himself, and when Gavin ignored him during the day he found that he was a little relieved, somewhere in the hurt. Though Gavin probably didn’t know it, he was Michael’s medium to work through some very complicated sexuality issues that he hadn’t realised until now that he had been harbouring. 

Outside, an hour later, the raiding team were successfully packed up and ready to go. The rest of the residents of Achievement City waited to wave them off, having been begrudgingly talked into staying. 

“Want anything while I’m out?” asked Jeremy jokingly to Trevor and Matt, who grumbled and slapped at him fondly. Geoff had just turned away from hugging Gavin to say goodbye to Ryan, who was pressing his lips to Jack’s stomach for good measure. Both Geoff and Jack, Michael noticed, still wore the troubled expressions they wore at breakfast.

“You promise?” Jack said, lightly tugging Ryan’s hair to bring him to his feet. “You’ll be back in time?”

But Lindsay and Meg interrupted Michael’s viewing of trio’s goodbye. They had clearly taken it upon themselves to see Michael off, as he stood there and watched the others say goodbye alone. 

“Try and find that music player you were telling me about, the one you had at Haven,” said Lindsay eagerly, and Michael forgot all about Geoff and Jack’s obvious distress in the enthusiastic conversation that followed.

 

* * *

 

“Alright, okay, how about this one. A million dollars but anything you touch with your fingers will always feel like you are touching a squishy piece of wet bread for the rest of your life. Would you do it?”

It had been three days since Michael had left the compound of Achievement City with Ryan, Jeremy and Gavin on a raid, but Michael had found out pretty quickly that Gavin really _shined_ in smaller group settings. The smaller the company, the more talkative he was.

Michael wondered if it was because he hated silences. He had noticed when they were alone together, Gavin chattered non-stop. He could talk forever, about anything and everything. And perhaps most astonishingly, everyone played along with whatever harebrained track his mind carried him off on.

“Hm,” mused Ryan, as they trudged along a desolate road, with just dusty, burnt out cars every few kilometres to keep track of the distance. They were skirting one such car as they spoke. “What about really heavy things? Like an anvil? If I dropped an anvil on my fingers, would it be hard and crush my hand?”

Gavin mused over that for a moment, then said decisively, “Yes, it would hurt, but it would feel real weird cause it wouldn’t feel hard. It would break your hand but it would feel squishy and wet.”

“Wet.” said Jeremy. “So everything would feel wet as well? Even people?”

“Gross, Lil J.”

“That’s what you –“

It was in the middle of this riveting conversation when an infected policeman zombie awoke from its long slumber behind a nearby car and started its assault on the team.

Michael moved without thinking, his body acting on pure instinct. Immediately, he shouldered the nearest person to him behind him – coincidently (or perhaps not), it was Gavin – and drew his gun from his holster with one fluid movement. He heard Gavin squawk indignantly behind him, and saw Jeremy and Ryan raise their bows to return fire, but he took a calming breath and unloaded his gun into the zombie.

One after another, the bullet buried themselves in the zombie’s head, chest; head again. Michael couldn’t recall the last time he had felt this _steady_ – like he knew exactly what he was doing, like this was what he was born to do.

He realised that this was something he had felt like that ages ago, well before he had left on his mission with the Professor, but somehow that feeling had changed. He had lost his purpose at Haven. Now he felt purposeful again, protecting and fighting alongside these men. Beside him, Gavin had wiggled out from behind him and was loosing arrows with a solid _thwip, thwip, thwip._

They were taking short steps back as the zombie advanced, snarling, but slowing down at the barrage of bullets and arrows assaulting it. For a moment, it looked like it would fall – on his other side, Jeremy started to lower his bow, and Michael hesitated too – but the zombie bellowed and spat forth a glob of acid, directly in Jeremy’s direction.

Michael’s body moved for him, the Haven Soldier years of training taking over. As Jeremy raised his hands to shield his face, Michael stepped sideways, pushing Jeremy back with his left hand, and took the brunt of the shot to his right shoulder and jacket sleeve. 

Immediately, the acid started to burn through his clothes, and Michael pushed Jeremy backwards while simultaneously shrugging of his jacket hurriedly. He trusted that Gavin and Ryan would take over the fight to give Jeremy and Michael time to get out of the way – and they did, picking up with another steady stream of arrows that finally finished the zombie off. It fell back with one last scream and lay motionless.

Jeremy helped Michael yank his jacket off, and then quickly his shirt, too, as the acid had began to bite into the fabric there too. For a few moments, everyone was entirely focused on making sure no acid had touched Michael’s skin but finally, satisfied, the others stepped back from Michael. They did not look happy. 

“You did it _again,_ ” said Jeremy, his expression unreadable.

“Huh?” Michael replied eloquently. The sun was starting to set, and he was feeling a little chilly and very exposed, but in spite of that was feeling quite good. That had been his first actual combat with a zombie since his accident. He had done his job – no one was hurt, not even him, which was a plus. 

The others simply looked at each other and back at him with disbelief. Michael was starting to feel a little self-conscious. 

“Anyone got a spare shirt?” he asked, glad for a change in subject.

With the sun setting and no spare clothes on any of the men, they dropped the issue for now and hurried on to the next town, leaving Michael’s faithful, finally beaten jacket disintegrating beside the policeman zombie. After a hurried search of a few buildings, the four settled in a motel, where they were able to barricade themselves into a room and procure a new jumper from a bin for Michael. He had no shirt underneath but it was warm, at least. 

Much of the searching and barricading was punctuated by the other three talking in quick, low whispers, and breaking off when they saw Michael watching them.

Michael knew that it was because he took the acid attack for Jeremy. He could see that they wouldn’t like that – it harked back to the ‘ _don’t put yourself in danger’_ thing they kept trying to push – but he didn’t know how to explain that his body just took over. He had no more control of his actions than a machine.

How different it was from when the bandits had robbed him, a little more than a month ago. Then, he had all but given up on himself. He had rolled over and let them take everything he had. He had basically signed his own death warrant, running into the forest like that knowing full well that he had no supplies to last out there. But something had changed since then, and he knew what.

 Watching the other men as they barricaded the room, he realised that what changed between then and now was that he had something worth fighting for. And that, he realised as he sat down with the Ryan, Jeremy and Gavin to make dinner, was something he had never felt in his whole life.


	14. Chapter 14

“So.”

Michael jumped, looking up quickly. He had agreed to take the first watch, more to escape the deep sighs and pointed looks of the other men to each other more than anything else.

Sitting on a table near the curtained, boarded-up window, he glanced through the cracks every few minutes to see if there was anything worrying nearby. He could faintly hear moaning howls, but they were nowhere close and the men had packaged their food carefully. No zombies would visit them tonight, but it was better to be safe than to be caught with one’s dick in one’s hand, as Geoff regularly said.

The voice was Ryan’s. His arms were folded and he leaned against the wall, frowning at Michael. Michael pulled back the curtain and checked outside. 

“What’s up?” he asked, looking outside but not really seeing.

“You can’t keep throwing yourself in front of others in fights,” Ryan said abruptly. “Geoff talked to you about this.”

“No one was hurt,” Michael muttered, letting the curtain fall back. “Counts as a win for me.”

Ryan growled. “Yes, but what if you _had_ been hurt?” he said, his voice serious and low. Michael felt very much like he wanted to shrug, but restrained himself. “Think about how Jeremy would have felt if that acid had got on your skin when it should have hit him. And you were in pain and it was his fault. Think about how Gavin would have felt if the zombie grabbed you rather than him. Everyone would have to live with that guilt, Michael.”

Michael paused, then retorted quickly, “But what about me? How would I feel if they had gotten hurt but I knew there was something I could have done to stop it?”

“Stop it, yes,” said Ryan. “But not _take_ it instead of the person it was intended for. Shoving Gavin out of the way like that – he was in no danger, it was more condescending than anything else. He can defend himself, we all can. I know that Haven –“ Michael flinched, but Ryan soldiered on – “Haven made you feel like you were the only person who could fight and protect people, and everyone else needed _you_ to look after them, but that’s not how it is now. Do you get that? You need to trust that we can look after ourselves.” 

Michael had no response to that. Ryan leant forward and clapped him on the shoulder.

“Just think about it, okay?” he said, his voice softer now. “I know it’s hard. I kind of looked like you were moving automatically,” Michael nodded quickly at that –“So I get it. Just remember if you can’t protect us we can still protect ourselves, okay?”

Michael nodded again, feeling a little put out and kind-of embarrassed. He hadn’t realised how what he had done would affect the others. Now he almost felt like he owed them an apology, Gavin especially... 

“I’m sorry –“ he started, but Ryan waved him off. 

“Don’t worry about it. Anyway, I have something more important to talk to you about.” 

He leaned in very close, and tapped his fingers to his own neck, then pointed at Michael. “Where’d all the hickies come from?”

 “I – the what?” said Michael, distracted and still preoccupied.

 Ryan grinned shrewdly. “As if you don’t know what hickies are?” Michael shook his head, and Ryan’s grin widened.

“They’re marks,” he said. “That you get on your skin from someone kissing and sucking the skin there.”

 Michael was speechless, desperately trying to think of an excuse. He had seen those little marks Gavin gave him, always in places hidden by clothes, but had barely given them a second thought. Naively, he had thought that most people wouldn’t know how you got them. Boy, was he wrong.

And now the cat was out of the bag and – he felt a swooping sensation of unexpected devastation in his stomach – everyone would know. Gavin would stop coming to his room and it would be this cold aloofness all the time. How could he have been so stupid?

Ryan, however, just laughed at Michael’s expression and clapped him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “I won’t tell Geoff and Jack. They’re always trying to control Gavin, but lord knows the more you try the more he does exactly what he wants.” He nodded at Michael at that point, who blushed the deepest crimson imaginable. 

“But I hope you know what you’re doing,” Ryan added, smile fading slightly. “Gavin has a habit of loving and leaving, if you know what I mean. Or rather, ‘liking’ and leaving. Do you get me?” 

Michael nodded slowly, finding that Ryan’s words left him even more upset than before. He had guessed that this was what Gavin did – Matt’s attempt to police Gavin’s behaviour seemed to prove that – but he had...

He had hoped he might be different.

Ryan patted Michael on the shoulder again, and he heard him faintly say that they could swap watches now. Michael slid off the table and Ryan took his place, waving him off to bed.

He might as well have stayed on watch all night, because though he lay down among the mildewy blankets with a lightly snoring Gavin and a very, very loudly snoring Jeremy, he did not sleep a wink. Thoughts of how to fight now and how much he really did like Gavin chased each other around his brain and he did not sleep for hours and hours.

 

* * *

 

Another three days had passed since their first fight on the road with the policeman zombie, and since then they had fought off another two groups of zombies. Michael felt himself settling into a rhythm with the other men. True to his word, Michael did not step in front of the others in fights, though luckily there had been no reason to so far. They worked well together, protecting each other’s backs, and in spite of all the battles they had not really been in any legitimate danger.

The raid, in the meantime, was going well. They had made it to the town in the east the others had yet to visit, stopping along the way at a few smaller towns and easily stocking up on the items they were looking for. 

They lucked out when they stumbled across an old cabin in the woods on the outskirts of the eastern town. While exploring the house, Jeremy slipped and fell into a concealed underground bunker on their way out and inside they found a cache of canned food, weaponry, medicine and a lot of assorted luxury items, like books and soap.

“Doomsday preppers,” Ryan had said as they searched the bunker, gleefully jamming stuff in their bags. At the other three men’s confused looks, he added, “Before your time, then. Back before the zombies rose, there were people who thought the world was going to end and they made bunkers like this to hide from the apocalypse. Guess these guys didn’t get to theirs in time.” 

It took them nearly a day and a half to sort through everything in the bunker, and they found that there was more useful stuff than what they could carry. They ended up sorting the items into ‘essentials’ and ‘come back for’, and it looked like the raiding party could end right then, and they could return home well earlier than they expected. 

Ryan, however, argued to keep searching. “This is the farthest east we’ve ever been,” he said. “We should at least go check out the town, see what it has and if it’s worth coming back to again. We’ve still got about four or five days.”

So, after some debate, they eventually left the underground bunker, hiding it carefully to return to in the future, and set off for the town.

The town, they found in comparison, was extremely disappointing compared to the bunker. It had clearly been raided many times, and they struggled to find anything worthwhile to take with them. After just a day, Jeremy and Gavin said they should just go home now. Still, though, Ryan insisted that they should stay one more day – then the next day, he begged to explore just a little further.

“C’mon, just those apartment buildings and then we’ll leave.” 

Which was how Michael found himself on the roof of an apartment building, listlessly dangling his feet over the edge while Ryan and Jeremy loudly dismantled an air conditioning unit for its parts. Gavin, meanwhile, was looking through the rooms downstairs. He had not wanted company.

That was how it had been the whole trip. Gavin had been politely distant with him throughout the entirety of their time on the road. If he had any inkling that Ryan (and possibly Jeremy) knew about his and Michael’s relationship (or lack thereof), he gave no indication of it. It had left Michael feeling suddenly very lonely.

It was here, on the ledge of this building, that an unassuming Michael was confronted out of nowhere with his past.

Over the screeching, wailing metal, Michael heard the thudding of footsteps, and he turned his eyes without interest to the source of the noise. Between the buildings an echoing canopy of noise was sounding – marching footsteps. Too regimented to be zombies, so humans, then. And somewhat familiar...

As Michael thought this, the first in the oncoming procession came into view, and Michael nearly threw up then and there. Because from his vantage point some twenty stories above, he still recognised the uniform of the group without a shadow of a doubt in his mind. It was Haven Soldiers.

Michael was on his feet and running to Jeremy and Ryan before the second row of marching soldiers had rounded the corner. The men stopped and looked up, startled, as he approached them. He surely was somewhat startling – he had been quite listless the last couple of days but now he was animated with fear.

“Stop,” he panted, pointing at their wrenches. “Too much noise. Stop.”

“Huh?” 

“There’s –“ Michael didn’t know what to say. How could he explain this? They didn’t know, as he did, that Haven were probably searching for him, Mike and the Professor. They didn’t know that maybe Haven had already found Mike and the Professor’s bodies, and now they were searching for Michael to hand him down his retribution for not protecting the Academics. They didn’t know that they might just kill him on sight, and whoever he was with...

Michael’s thoughts raced without luck for an excuse, but Jeremy beat him to it. He placed a hand on Michael’s shoulder, pulling him so they faced each other. “Breathe slowly, Michael,” he said gently. “Breathe, now. Is this the first time you’ve had a panic attack?”

_It might just be_ , thought Michael, trying to breathe a little slowly then the gasping breathes he’d been pulling before. Eyes darting around, trying to see over the ledge to check if the Haven soldiers had passed, he nodded.

“Okay, that’s fine,” Jeremy said soothingly. “Just breathe slowly –“

“Can we go inside?” Michael choked out, and Jeremy nodded.

“Yeah, let’s go find Gavin – don’t worry, Ryan will grab all that stuff...” 

It wasn’t until later that night, holed up in one of the rooms of the apartment building, that Michael finally started to relax. He had spent the rest of the day listening anxiously for the footsteps thundering up the stairs in search of the noise from the air conditioning unit, but it had never came. 

Instead, he had spent the afternoon with the other men quite worried about him, trying to soothe him to no avail. Even Gavin looked a little concerned, touching his hand lightly and looking into his eyes for the first time in days to ask if he was all right. They had decided to call it a night earlier than expected, to Michael’s relief, locking up in the room hours before the zombies woke up for the night. Eventually, some five hours later, he felt confident in concluding that they had passed through without stopping.

Which left him with some quite complex thoughts. If he had thought that facing zombies on this trip meant he was not a coward like he thought he was, he was sorely mistaken. With the other men to watch his back he felt invincible, but it was very different from when he faced a threat alone. Thinking that the Haven soldiers were searching for him, he had panicked and hid like the coward he was.

Mulling over these thoughts, he barely listened to the conversation of the other men, and his food went largely untouched at dinner that night. However when the voices rose to an angry cadence, Michael suddenly became very aware there was an argument happening around him.

“Are you insane, Ryan?” hissed Gavin, putting down his bowl of beans. “We can’t stay another day! It’ll take us three days to get home, you silly pleb. We’ll be late if we don’t leave today.”

“But what about that ammunition store on the other side of town?” argued Ryan. “We saw it from the roof this morning, and we need more bullets. And there’s probably other houses on the outskirts of town -“

“Ryan!” Gavin interrupted. “We can’t keep staying longer and longer! Our bags are already full enough as it is, and we got more than enough ammo at the bunker!”

“Not 7.62mms for the sniper rifle, though!” Ryan retorted. “And we didn’t get nearly as much bandages as we could use –“

“We got all those spare clothes, we don’t need actual bandages –“

“Well, what about seeds?” Ryan snapped, looking at Jeremy for backup. “Trevor and Matt mentioned they needed more –“

“What’s going on with you, Ryan?” asked Jeremy slowly, looking at Ryan with a calculating expression. “You keep pushing back the date we leave. Do you not want to go home, or something?”

“What? No, of course I want to go home!” said Ryan, but his eyes didn’t meet Jeremy’s. “But this is a supplies mission and we need to come back with the supplies we said we were going for!”

“We never said we were going for seeds,” argued Gavin. “Or ammunition. We got what we came for, now let’s go!”

“We can’t –“

“Did you and Geoff and Jack have an argument?” intercepted Jeremy.

“No, we didn’t!” Ryan’s voice was getting steadily shriller. “This has got nothing to do with them –“

“Well, I think this has everything to do with them,” said Jeremy, his usually calm voice now rising. “Why don’t you want to go home?”

“I _do_ want to go home, but –“ 

“Is it Geoff?” niggled Jeremy.

“No, it’s not –“

“Is it Jack?” 

“NO! It’s not –“ 

“Why don’t you want to go home?” 

“There’s no –“

“Why don’t you want to go home?”

And Ryan snapped.

“Because what if Jack dies in childbirth?” he shouted, and all the other men jumped at the suddenness. He looked quite deranged, a well of emotion exploding from him. “And all I could do was just stand there? There would be nothing I could do! What then? What could I do? I can’t help – I couldn’t help her and I couldn’t comfort Geoff – what could I do!?” 

“ _Ryan,_ ” said Gavin, sounding quite scandalised. “Jack won’t die, are you insane?”

“You don’t know that, you don’t,” he moaned. He curled up on himself like a ball, his knees to his chest and his hands to his head like he was protecting himself from falling objects.

“It used to happen all the time before modern medicine. And now we’re basically in a time before modern medicine, and there’s – nothing – I – can _do –_ “

“What, so your solution is not to be there at all?” demanded Jeremy. 

“I just – couldn’t stand it –“ Ryan whispered, and lapsed into silence. For a long moment, Jeremy, Gavin and Michael just looked at each other, and Michael experienced the odd sensation of being a part of a silent conversation, rather than being the person who the silent conversation was about.

Finally, Michael decided to break the silence. “I think we should go home,” he said, to startled looks from Gavin and Jeremy. “Geoff and Jack need you, Ryan, and you need them too, I think.”

Ryan stirred slightly. Meanwhile, Gavin had fixed Michael with an oddly admiring look, his lips quirked in that infuriatingly thoughtful smile.

“Yeah, you’re right,” said Ryan eventually, his voice muffled in his hands. “Being stupid. Gotta go home.”

Michael couldn’t think of much of a response to that than _yeah, no shit_ so he just clapped Ryan bracingly on the shoulder, as Ryan often did to him. “It’ll be alright,” he said, somewhat lamely, but Ryan seemed to get something from it as he raised his head from his hands, his eyes a little bloodshot.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, and there was another long silence. 

“Well, we head off first thing in the morning for home, then,” said Gavin finally. In Ryan’s absence of leadership, power seemed to divert to him. “I’ll take first watch. Off to bed, everyone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, hope your year has been great so far! Just chucking a note at the end of this chapter because for the first time in a couple of weeks I looked back on the comments section of this fic and realised an insane amount of people have commented that I haven't thanked yet! I saw them all as you sent them and they really mean the world to me. So shoutout to toto93, Hydraslayerz, Lepor9, Riovotaire, Concord_bees and Saturn_the_Almighty! 
> 
> And as always, a huge thank you to everyone who kudos, too. I really appreciate your support. 
> 
> If the scrollbar on the side of my Word doc is anything to go off, we're about halfway through now! Gird your loins for some slowly escalating intensity my dudes!


	15. Chapter 15

Dreams for Michael that night were punctuated with the thundering of boots, marching in unison, a zombie Jack and the Professor. In his dream Michael was bound to the table from the Academic’s hideout, the one he had lost his arm at, and the Professor was telling him how Michael had accidentally turned Jack into a zombie, and he wondered if the baby was one, too. 

_“Let’s find out,”_ he smiled, and his smile was toothless and black, and then Jack was there, standing still like zombies never do, and the Professor lifted a chainsaw to her stomach... 

“Hey – _hey!_ Michael, wake up!”

Heart hammering and a scream in his throat, Michael bolted awake. Beside him, Gavin was crouched, his face casting odd shadows in the candlelight. Still shaken, Michael looked to where Ryan and Jeremy were sleeping but neither of them had stirred.

Gavin pressed a finger to his lips and indicated to the hallway. Michael softly followed Gavin out.

Out in the hall, Gavin quietly closed the door behind Michael and began speaking as he slid down the wall onto the floor, his bow and arrows on the floor beside him. 

“Sorry for waking you,” he said, patting the floor next to him. Michael sat down slowly, still relaxing from his dream. “I was going to wake Jeremy but it looked like you were having a nightmare.” 

Michael nodded slowly. This was the first time Gavin has spoken to him directly since they had left Achievement City, and he was trying to decide whether it was good or bad. 

“What’d you dream about?” said Gavin conversationally, playing with the worn sleeves of Michael’s hoodie. 

“Er,” said Michael, feeling a strong sense of whiplash and not really feeling up to sharing his dream. Gavin didn’t seem to mind when he didn’t respond.

“You know,” he said changing the topic suddenly, “Today was the first times I’ve heard you give your opinion. When you talked to Ryan. It’s like you’re one of us now. Properly.”

Michael said nothing again, feeling more and more bewildered and a little hurt. He was starting to think that talking to Gavin might be leaning towards bad.

“You’re very quiet tonight,” said Gavin finally, fingers trailing Michael’s arm slowly. “I was impressed with how you helped to Ryan. That wasn’t me having a go at you, or anything.” 

“Ryan knows about us,” said Michael abruptly, wanting to say something but dry mouthed and distracted by Gavin’s hand on him.

Gavin’s hand stilled for a fraction of a second, but a beat later and it was moving up to his shoulder like Michael had said nothing. Another beat and Gavin had fluidly thrown his leg over Michael, straddling him. 

“I thought he might,” said Gavin with measured carelessness. “You’d have to be really dumb – or Jeremy - to not know what those marks on your chest are.”

“So you don’t mind?” said Michael, his hands moving to Gavin’s hips automatically. “We’re not going to – stop?” 

“’Course not. Ryan won’t say anything. Unless –“ Gavin’s hands left his shoulders and he folded them behind his back, looking for a moment like an admonished child. Perhaps most startlingly, his very eyes seemed to change. Michael had seen them expressionless, guarded, calculating, sensual, mocking – but he had never seen them open and unprotected, as they were now.

“Unless you want to? Stop, I mean? Do you want to stop?” 

And like so many times before since Michael met the inhabitants of Achievement City, he was presented with a choice and shown the clear exit to a situation. 

He knew from what everyone else had said that Gavin was just using him, both to satisfy his sexual urges and to prove to everyone that they couldn’t tell him what to do. He knew that Gavin meant much more to him than he meant to Gavin. And he knew that if Ryan did tell the others about it, they wouldn’t just be angry at Gavin – they’d be angry at him. 

These things all stacked up. It was an easy choice.

“No,” said Michael, and with a braveness that surprised even him, he dipped his hands round Gavin’s waist and dragged Gavin’s hands to his hips, under his shirt. “I don’t want you to stop.”

“That’s a relief,” Gavin had time to grunt before he and Michael crashed together in a fierce kiss. This time, the kiss was different. It was going somewhere – Gavin’s hands were tugging at his jeans, and he was pushing Michael onto his back in the hallway, and Michael knew this was it. This was going to be their first time together. And his first time ever. 

And luck would have it that neither zombie, foe or friend disturbed them for the rest of the night.


	16. Chapter 16

The hike back to Achievement City the next day was quiet but very brisk. Something seemed to have clicked in Ryan overnight, and he was all-but sprinting to get back. It was all the other three could do but to keep up with him as best they could, and band together to insist on breaks.

Something changed in Gavin overnight, too. On their breaks, he started conversations directly with Michael three whole times (but Michael wasn’t counting). 

“Ryan’s really freaking out, huh?” said Gavin the first time he addressed him, in a low voice. Michael even ignored him for a long moment as he didn’t realise Gavin was talking to him.

“Hey,” Gavin said, poking him in the knee, and Michael jumped and stammered out a reply. Something about the sun being up, and the others so close by, made Michael feel like this was the first time they had ever interacted. Not to mention just _looking_ at Gavin was giving him flashbacks to last night…the way Gavin touched him… 

He was as awkward as the first time they met, but if Gavin noticed he didn’t let on. 

Two days passed, which involved some risky night movement before they could force Ryan to stay inside for the nights, and two short altercations with zombies. The berserker rage Ryan had fought Michael with came out at those times, and on both occasions he very nearly was bitten as he fought them with knives and hand-to-hand combat while the others stood uselessly back, unable to fight with ranged weapons for fear of hitting Ryan. Ryan barely heard their admonishments and Michael found the irony of the reversal of their situations almost palpable.

On these nights Gavin found a way to be awake for Michael’s watches, and Michael was ashamed to say that he was not watching at all while on those patrol. They were lucky, really, that they were never approached, because Michael glanced up maybe once in his two hour patrol, and not once during Gavin’s.

Finally, on the third day, they came upon the familiar woods and gave a yell of appreciation. Ryan was all but jogging now, and the others followed his pace amicably, happy to almost be home. Drawing to the gates, they were unsurprised to find Meg and Trevor waiting atop the walls, looking about for them.

“Thank fuck!” Trevor exclaimed, turning to hurry down the wall and open the door for them as they showered him and Meg with greetings. 

“No time for that,” interrupted Meg urgently, and their smiles vanished, instantly on guard. “You have to hurry, Jack went in to labour yesterday –“

Instantly, Ryan dropped his bag just as Trevor succeeded in getting the door open. He shoved the iron gates aside bodily and disappeared into the house without another word, leaving the others to get as much information as they could from Meg and Trevor.

“How far along is she?” said Jeremy urgently, as Trevor gestured him into the gates impatiently and Meg watched the woods. 

“C’mon, c’mon – she’s been in labour for at least twelve hours now, she can’t be far off now –“ 

“Is Lindsay there?” asked Gavin, yanking up Ryan’s things on the way past.

“Of course she is, who else could do it? And Geoff, too. Matt is sleeping, he took the watch all of last night, but I think he’s going in to help soon.” 

“What can we do?” asked Michael, and was surprised to see everyone’s eyes flick to him with an astonished looks. He blushed and looked down. 

“Nothing, just yet,” said Trevor. “There’s nothing any of us can do right now, we’ve –“ he gestured to Meg and himself, “- been feeling pretty useless. We probably should pack away the supplies.”

“I need to go see Geoff and Jack,” said Gavin. He hurriedly dropped his bag and rushed inside, leaving the others to begin packing away.

Michael moved through the motions of restocking mechanically. He felt completely drained all of a sudden, and wished for nothing more than to lie down and sleep until it was a new day. But he emptied his bag carefully and methodically, and then Gavin’s as well, and when he was done he found himself scaling the wall of Achievement City to join Trevor, Meg and Jeremy as the sun set over the trees.

Throwing his legs over the side, he flopped down listlessly. The others made no comment and seemed equally exhausted. Michael found himself hopelessly wide-awake, and realised now just a fraction of what Ryan must be feeling. He was desperately worried about Jack now that he was truly confronted with the very real possibility of her death. It hadn’t happened at Haven much – they had relatively advanced doctors – but still, it did happen. The risk for Jack was even greater here.

It was a sleepless night for not just Michael, but everyone in Achievement City. Gavin did not return from the room, and somehow that made Michael more anxious, like maybe they needed all the help they could get. But no one came out to fetch them and they all stayed, silent in the brisk night, on the wall of Achievement City. By some small mercy they did not see a zombie all night, though they heard them moving and groaning, somewhere out in the trees.

As glimmers of sunlight peaked over the clouds, there was finally relief from the waiting. Everyone was on edge, jumping at the slightest noises, and the creaking of the door opening behind them made everyone whip around with fierce intensity.

It was Matt, and with just one look at him, the mood lightened and everyone began to stand and smile at one another. Although Matt’s clothes were slightly bloodied and he was clearly exhausted, he was grinning from ear to ear.

“And baby makes 11,” he said happily, and the group atop the roof cheered. Meg seized Michael and hugged him hard, shocking Michael so much he barely had time to hug her back. Laughing, they all climbed off the wall to hug Matt, too, who shared as much news as he could between hugs.

“Jack’s fine – the baby is a little small, but fine, all fingers and toes – Jack slapped Ryan so hard when he came in, right across the face, I had to bite my fist to stop myself laughing –“ 

“Boy or girl?” said Trevor, and Matt just gestured towards the medical room.

“Go find out for yourself,” he said, smiling. “They’re asking for you all to come.” 

As the others hurried forward, Michael almost hung back, looking at the wall. Matt shook his head with exasperation and gave him a shove.

“The wall will be fine, I’ll take watch for a bit. And before you say anything,” he said, raising his voice slightly as Michael opened his mouth to volunteer to take watch him, “Of _course_ that includes you. Go on.”

Michael smiled sheepishly and ran after the others, his heart swelling with happiness.

He caught up to them just as they were filing into the infirmary. Amid shrieks and shouts of congratulations, Michael hung back in the doorway, struck with awe.

Jack was in the infirmary bed, with her husbands on either side of her, and between them Jack held the tiniest human Michael had ever seen. Its hair was an enchanting auburn, not unlike its mother’s, and its eyes were open to reveal a light blue. It blinked up at its parents thoughtfully, hands holding the blanket it was wrapped in loosely. It was calmly unaware that it had the attention and instantaneous love of everyone in the room.

All three parents were beaming from the bed, and though her men could not tear their eyes from their child’s face, Jack was able to. 

“Welcome the newest member of our family,” she said to the room, “Andrea.”

Andrea was passed around like a loaf of bread from person to person as everyone cooed and gushed and cried. Michael leant against the wall beside the door, just drinking in the moment.

Everyone was so happy and he actually felt as though he was a part of it. Hell, he even felt personally connected to this child, like he was responsible for it too. Mulling over that thought, he realised he _was_ responsible for her, as a part of this family. It was an astonishing feeling. That child would rely on him.

“Okay, fine, fine, Michael’s turn,” grumbled Meg, reluctantly turning to Michael and holding Andrea out to him as the others chastised her for ‘hogging’ the baby. For a moment, Michael was at a loss. He had not, of course, held a baby before.

“Uh,” he said, reaching his hands out hesitantly. Luckily, before he dropped Andrea on her head, Gavin swooped in. He reached round Michael and pulled his arm into a cradle position, and Meg deftly slid Andrea into his hand before Michael could chicken out. Luckily, she was small enough that he could hold her comfortably with just one arm.

“Just support her neck with your elbow, and that’s all there is to it,” said Gavin, his shoulder pressed against Michael’s as looked at Andrea lovingly.

“Isn’t my little sister the cutest?” Gavin sighed happily. As if on cue, Andrea gave a tiny, adorable yawn and promptly closed her eyes, immediately asleep.

 Michael didn’t say anything. He felt like Andrea said all that needed to be said. He loved her instantly, as did everyone else in Achievement City. She was their world now.

But watching Gavin playing so tenderly with his little sister’s hand and marvel how tiny her fingers were, Michael realised something else. He loved Gavin, too.

Things were about to get infinitely more complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say? I love babies.
> 
> Hey so massive shout out to SentientMoss, who just left a comment on pretty much all of the chapters of this story. This chapter is 100% for you. Your comments was the most lovely thing to come home to today; it really tied of a great day with a perfect bow. And everyone who has left a kudos too! It means the world to me. Much love. You all keep the fan fiction community alive, and I will thank you infinitely for it.


	17. Chapter 17

Amazingly enough, life continued pretty much as normal with the addition of Andrea to their family. She was a month old before they knew it, then two months old as summer became fall. She was a calm, genial baby that rarely cried and seemed content to just sit and watch the world go by. From the moment she was born no one called her Andrea; she was Andy. 

The biggest change to their lives was in Ryan. If he was ever the leader of their group outside of the confines of Achievement City he sure as hell wasn’t now. Since Andy’s birth he had not left the compound and had made it very clear that he didn’t want to, though he still trained with Michael every morning. Geoff and Jack joked he was a stay-at-home dad now, and he just shrugged and went right back to fawning over his daughter. They all did. 

That did mean some changes for the rest of the team, though. Gavin easily slid into Ryan’s position and began to organise and conduct raids in his absence, alternating raid party members between the rest of the group. Well, almost. He always brought Michael.

Michael didn’t want to stew on what that meant too much, considering the revelation he’d had about his feelings for Gavin and knowing what the others had told him about Gavin’s lukewarm relationships with people. At the back of his mind he quietly thought that he was just a useful, portable fuck buddy for the road and at home, but on nice days he liked to think he was just a good raider.

Regardless, something in their relationship had changed, especially since they had finally had sex, but it was being together so much that was the reason they couldn’t help but get to know each other in intimate ways. Though Gavin always seemed keen to just have sex (and Michael was not complaining, that’s for sure), it wasn’t like they didn’t talk before and after, and on the road too. Just being naked together brought new dynamics to their relationship. 

“What’s that from?” asked Gavin one day, as Michael lay on his back beside him. They were on the roof of an apartment complex as Lindsay and Meg slept in a little hut on the roof some forty feet away. They’d chanced a makeout session on the other side of the rooftop in the light of the moon, and it was throwing sharp shadows on the scars on Michael’s chest.

“Oh – which one?” said Michael, propping himself up on his elbow to look at his chest more closely. He was finally regaining his muscle, and was proud to have a bit more meat on his bones. He ribs didn’t stick out as much now, anyway.

“Which – are you kidding – _that_ one.”

“Oh,” said Michael, smiling in spite of himself at a thick, long scar that rounded his left side and ended just below his belly button. “It’s kind of funny – from Haven – I was being whipped for falling asleep on guard duty, but one of the younger Academics was doing it, and he’d never done it before, so he hit me kind of in the side and got the front of me rather than the back. Everyone was so appalled with how badly he fucked it up that they just stopped. I didn’t fall asleep on guard duty again, though.”

Gavin’s face was inscrutable. “That’s from one whip?”

“Yeah, well, it was made of this special fiber the Academics used, I don’t know what, but it was very effective. You didn’t need to be whipped more than a few times.”

Gavin sighed. “I can’t believe you opened that with _it’s a funny story,_ ” he said, not looking at Michael’s face. Instead, he traced his hands across the scar and up Michael’s chest, stopped at a smaller scar just above his left collarbone. 

“Bullet?”

“Yeah, a misfire in a weaponry class. Or an intentional fire. We never did get to the bottom of it – the Academics didn’t really care – but it was Adam who shot me, and everyone knew he didn’t like me very much.”

Gavin sighed again, still not looking at Michael. “Haven was some place, huh?” he murmured. 

Michael didn’t have much of a response to that, so he just lay back down. 

This kind of pillow talk was something Gavin started doing suddenly from that point on. He asked Michael what he missed from Haven, and when Michael replied listening to music with the other Soldiers, Gavin started up an enthusiastic discussion about artists he knew. Michael found out Gavin had once owned an IPod too.

Gavin also asked about the other Soldiers, and what they were like, and how he was adjusting to life without an arm. He comforted Michael when he woke screaming from nightmares. And sometimes he just asked him how his day was, or about his impressions of the other members of Achievement City.

Tactfully, though – or perhaps because he didn’t care _that much_ – he never asked Michael why he left Haven. Maybe he knew that particular subject was too much, even for how close they were getting.

Gavin’s questioning eventually gave Michael the courage to ask Gavin some questions of his own, and to his relief Gavin didn’t push him away. Michael found out about how Gavin met Geoff, and how Geoff had protected him and was like a dad to him now. And Gavin told Michael how he didn’t remember his real parents now, and how he could barely remember England aside from a snippet of a memory here and there.

One night, on a raid with Jeremy and Matt, Michael asked Gavin something he had been wondering for awhile, since he had first come to the settlement.

“Hey,” Michael said slowly, as he and Gavin lay facing each other. “When I first came here...I asked Jeremy why you left Geoff and Jack, but he said that’s your story to tell...I guess...I was wondering...since he said that...”

“You want me to tell you,” finished Gavin. Michael nodded, watching Gavin’s intently. For a long moment, Gavin said nothing.

“My best friend died when I was seventeen.”

Michael was taken aback, and found he had nothing to say. Gavin began speaking very fast.

“His name was Dan. You know I grew up with Geoff, but we met Dan when I was fourteen and Geoff and I liked him, and he was alone and the same age as me...so he joined our group. And he was with us for three years, and we got very close...” 

Gavin hesitated, then powered on, speaking faster than ever. 

“He was my first real boyfriend. We dated. But a zombie got him one day, and that was that. And then less than a month later Geoff met Jack, and I – I just needed some space, I didn’t need a new person in my life to care about, so I left for a bit to clear my head. Jack didn’t mind. Geoff was sad to see me go, but I think he understood. And I cleared my head, and I came back, and it’s fine now... it’s just... still kind of hard to talk about.”

Michael nodded slowly, overwhelmed. Unconsciously, he pulled Gavin into his chest, murmuring into his hair, “Sorry for asking, I didn’t know...” 

Michael felt Gavin move against his chest, and he realised a moment later that he was shaking. Underneath his fingers on Gavin’s back he could feel the rumble of sobs through Gavin’s chest and Michael flinched with shock. But Gavin kept crying and Michael stroked his back with his fingers, barely believing what was happening.

Gavin fell asleep crying on his chest, and the next day they didn’t mention or talk about it at all. But Michael didn’t forget. It was the first time Gavin had cried in front of him. 

Days later, Michael did the same.

Waking up in his room at Achievement City, Michael knew immediately something was wrong. Though he had been sleeping soundly moments ago, he was now wide-awake and it was clearly because of the excruciating pain radiating from his right arm – or rather, where it used to be.

Watery light was filtering into his room, and Michael crawled to the window, trying to look at his stump and comprehend what was happening. It looked just the same as always, but another blaze of sharp pain shot through it even as he looked at it. He couldn’t help it; he gave a gasping sob of pain aloud, but clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle the noise.

For a space of time Michael sat by the window, waiting for the pain to subside but becoming more and more distressed with every aching wave that shot through it. Finally, without fully deciding to do so, he was on his feet and moving silently to the door, with only the thought _get to Gavin_ rolling through his mind. 

As Michael slipped into Gavin’s room and closed the door behind him, Gavin awoke. “What ‘re you doing here?” Gavin mumbled, rubbing his eyes and smiling slightly, but his smile immediately vanished as Michael fell to his knees on the bed beside him and began to quietly cry.

“What’s wrong?” said Gavin, alarmed, sitting up and pulling Michael into his arms. He was shocked to feel Michael trembling against him. Michael didn’t respond to his touch and only remained taunt against his, crying in his ear.

“My a-arm,” he whispered shakily. “It’s been hurting – it feels wrong – like it’s facing the other way – but I know it’s not really there – I don’t know what to do –“

He was silenced by another stab of pain that choked his words in Gavin’s ear, and he wrapped his left arm around Gavin’s shoulder and buried his face in his neck. His right arm was pushed straight out behind him, as though the further it was away from him the less it would hurt. 

Gavin was shocked. He had never seen Michael so upset and was aware that a month ago, Michael would not have come to him like this, but it was very clear something in their relationship had changed. Though that thought crossed his mind, he pushed it aside impatiently and turned to the matter at hand. Quietly, without jostling Michael too much, Gavin shimmied his hands between the two of them and gently took the stump of Michael’s arm.

Michael cringed at the touch but didn’t stop him. “Which way does it feel like it’s facing?” said Gavin. “Maybe I can massage it out.”

“Backwards – backwards -” Michael panted, hugging himself to Gavin tighter and effectively blocking a lot of his field of view. For a moment, Gavin allowed Michael to catch his breath, then slowly he began rotating the arm around to between his hands and massaging it down. Michael whimpered, eyes tightly closed, and Gavin stopped.

“No – no – it feels like it’s working,” said Michael. “Just hurts – still –" 

Gavin hesitated but steeled himself and kept going. For a long few minutes they sat like that, legs hooked over each other, chest to chest, Michael holding to Gavin while Gavin held his arm and massaged it down and out. Gavin was just beginning to think that his idea wasn’t working, after all, when Michael gave a sudden sigh of relief and slumped forward on Gavin, finally at ease. 

Michael said nothing to indicate it was over, but Gavin knew. He slipped his arms around Michael and pulled him down on to the bed with him and Michael’s legs, boneless, pushed out behind him. Gavin pulled Michael against his chest and pressed reassuring kisses to his neck, all the while monitoring the quivering of Michael’s body as it slowly began to cease.

“I’m sorry,” whispered Michael finally, his mouth somewhere behind Gavin’s ear. Gavin could feel his face, wet and hot with tears, pressed somewhere near the back of his head. He made a move to pull away, but Gavin held him closer.

“Stay,” he said. “It’s fine. That was scary. For me, too." 

Michael nodded slowly, and then suddenly he was crying again. “I don’t know what’s happening –“

“Shush, shush, it’s fine,” said Gavin. “We can talk to Jack tomorrow about it. It’s fine, she’ll know what it is.”

“What if – I’m –“ 

The thought had occurred to Gavin as well, but he merely shushed him again, and cradled him till he fell asleep. But while Michael slept exhaustedly against his chest, Gavin sat up all night wondering, furious, kicking himself. 

Because he knew now that their relationship _had_ changed, and it meant some grave consequences for Gavin. He could not escape the terrifying thought racing around his mind, brought on by Michael’s sudden unexplained pain – 

_Was Michael becoming a zombie? Could he stand to lose someone else?_

* * *

“It sounds like phantom limb pain,” said Jack sympathetically, rocking Andy in her arms. Blankly, Michael stared at her, and she patted his arm, guiding him to a seat at the dining table, where Gavin was already seated and nonchalantly pretending not to listen.

“It’s something that happens to amputees,” Jack responded to Michael’s blank look. “Where it feels like the amputated limb is still there, and because it _feels_ like it is still there but you can’t see it, the limb can get caught in some painful positions. How did you deal with it?”

“I just kind of – rotated it,” Michael said helplessly, trying not to glance at Gavin. “Eventually it felt like it was the right way.”

Jack nodded absentmindedly, passing a grizzling Andy to Gavin. “You should have come to me,” she said, a little crossly. “But you did the right thing. Come to me next time, definitely.”

Michael nodded, trying not to blush. “I thought –“ he said hesitantly, then soldiered on. “I thought I was turning. Into a zombie, I mean.”

Jack tutted understandingly. “You’re not turning,” she said gently. Beside her, Gavin buried his head in Andy’s wispy hair and cuddled her close to his chest. Michael slid into the chair opposite Gavin and was surprised when Gavin looked up and caught his eye to share a relieved glance.

That night Gavin came to Michael’s room, as always. As Gavin slipped into Michael’s bed, Michael grinned and pulled at the hem of Gavin’s shirt. But Gavin just gave a little half-smile and shook his head, lying down against Michael’s chest with his head tucked firmly underneath Michael’s chin.

It was the first night they slept together, but didn’t _sleep_ together.

Things were changing in their relationship, certainly. Michael was even daydreaming that Gavin might actually have feelings for him. But just two days something happened that would ruin everything.


	18. Chapter 18

Michael woke up late, alone in his room. This was not surprising to him; Gavin rarely slept in his room, apart from the night before last. He dressed slowly and lazily in sweatpants and a loose wife beater, and headed outside yawning. They didn’t have much to do today – harvesting was over - so he was in no hurry.

But as he walked to the kitchen, something made him stop in his tracks. There was no one on top of wall, and the compound was quite silent. Trepidation mounting, he carefully scaled the wall, all the while listening for a sound that indicated other people were here. It wasn’t too wild to think no one was on top of the wall – it happened sometimes, when there was a group meeting, or someone had to go to the bathroom – but Michael felt uneasy anyway.

On top of the wall, he circled the compound, listening hard. It had nearly been a full minute and he was seriously beginning to contemplate searching Achievement City for people and getting some weaponry when he heard the light sound of Trevor’s voice coming through the trees towards him. 

He gave a shaky, relieved sigh and sat down on the wall, waiting for Trevor and whoever he was with to come back. He was berating himself internally for freaking out – it was early, of course no one was up yet – when Trevor and Matt came through the trees. They saw him and smiled, yelling up to him in greeting.

“You guys scared me,” he called with a grin. “What were you doing out there?”

“We saw a zombie go past with a backpack on, we wanted to see if there was anything good in it,” Trevor replied, beginning to unlatch the gate. “It was a bust, though, we couldn’t find it –“

Trevor stopped talking abruptly. Michael knew why. Through the trees they could hear shuffles and moans, and before they had any chance to react a zombie shot through the trees towards Trevor and Matt.

Matt deftly side-stepped it while notching an arrow, and shot it easily before it could turn around. But Trevor fumbled with his bow and accidentally dropped it behind him, and three zombies were emerging from the trees –

Without thinking Michael leapt of the wall and hit the ground running, sliding between Trevor and the zombie coming towards him just in time to punch it as hard as he could in the face.

He could hear Matt shouting and more arrows flying, and he could feel Trevor backing up behind him, but it was all background noise. The zombie in front of him barely faltered at his punch, twisting its head back and coming towards him with its hands outstretched. Michael leant back, found his center of balance and kicked up and out with all his might, catching the zombie under the chin as he had once done to Ryan.

But unlike humans, zombies could not be knocked out. Though the zombie reeled back, its hands moved on their own. They seized his foot as he pulled it back. With his foot firmly in the zombie’s hands and its head coming back again, mouth open to bite Michael’s leg, Michael did the only thing he had left to do. With all his strength he leapt and kicked with his other foot, kicking the zombie in the side of the head and falling to the ground with a crash as the zombie did the same. 

He landed and rolled to the left of the zombie, who was already sitting up and crawling towards Michael. It was snarling now, and its hands seized his legs again, but he rabbit-punched it repeatedly in the face, striking its mouth away from him. Michael managed to get his feet between them, holding it off with his legs too.

He could hear new screaming now, different screaming. Subconsciously he could tell it was Gavin, and could hear his name being called over and over – “ _Michael! Michael, move!”_ – so with one last colossal effort he pushed out with his legs, shoving the zombie away from him as he scrambled backwards and tried to stand. The zombie fell back but immediately regained direction, and leapt towards him –

And caught an arrow deep in the eye, then another in the neck, then a third in the temple. It gurgled, fell to its side, and another arrow hit it, and another. Finally, it stopped. Everyone was silent, listening. There was no more sound – the zombies were gone.

“I can’t deal with this anymore.”

Michael started, looking over in shock. Gavin stood by the door, which had been wrenched open, and behind him Michael could see Jeremy, and Ryan and Meg running from the far house. Trevor and Matt were panting, but seemed frozen with tenseness.

If they were frozen, then Gavin was glacial. His hands, holding his bow and arrow, were loose by his sides, and his face was utterly expressionless. He seemed to have completely shut down, but his mouth was still moving, saying things Michael never wanted to hear. 

“I’m done with caring about you. I’m done. You will never change, and I’m sick of thinking you will. I’m done with you. I’m done.”

And, as everyone watched, Gavin turned without another word and stalked back to the house, and Michael finally understood what the others had been telling him. He’d never really believed it, but he knew now. Michael was nothing to Gavin. Nothing at all.

 

* * *

 

“No, you will fucking not.”

Michael sighed and tried again.

“Jack, I want to leave.”

“And I said I’m not letting you.”

Michael flopped down on the wall beside Jack. She was on watch and had chosen to take Andy with her, who had been fusing at night recently.

It was early morning and Michael had finally gathered the courage, a week after the incident, to make his decision. He couldn’t stay here.

Gavin had ignored him with careful precision all week. He had a gift for making his eyes glaze over the spot where Michael was, and only responding to sections of conversation that didn’t involve something Michael said. And every time it happened, Michael felt it like the time Adam shot him, but so, so much worse. 

“So you’ve been dating for a while, huh.”

“No, Jack,” he muttered, not looking at her as she bounced Andy gently on her knee. “We’ve been _hooking up_ for a while. We were never dating.” 

“Hm.” 

Jack plopped Andy into Michael’s lap. He caught her with practised ease. It was crazy to think that less than three months ago he’d never even held a child, let alone knowing how to rock one to sleep. Now she cuddled into the cradle he made with his one arm, and he couldn’t help but think he had once held her easily with just his hand and his elbow. Now he lifted his knee to support her butt with his leg. She was getting so big, and the more he watched her grow, the harder it was to leave.

“Jack –“

“Listen,” she interrupted, scooting closer to him and patting his knee. “If you desperately want to leave, I won’t stop you. I know this must be – hard for you. He’s... anyway, I know it’s difficult for you to be around him, but I just want to remind you that he’s not the only person here. We’re all here and... and we’ll miss you, _I’ll_ miss you, if you leave. And I’m here. For you to talk to, anytime. Just – think about it a little longer, okay?”

Michael looked at Jack, and her eyes were shining with earnest energy, practically radiating motherly affection.

“Okay,” he mumbled, blushing. “I will.”

She hugged him lightly, taking Andy from his arms as she pulled back. “Good,” she said. “Breakfast time, now.”

Michael followed Jack to the kitchen, where Geoff and Ryan were already cooking. He quietly joined them to help, cutting bread and toasting slices over the fire. Before long the rest of Achievement City had arrived, and they settled down for breakfast.

Gatherings like this had been a little tense for Michael lately, since it was the only time he was ever in a room with Gavin. Gavin ignored him expertly, and Michael wondered if the others could feel the tension the way he could. If they did, they didn’t show it. This morning, they were all talking animatedly about the last wall left to upgrade, a job that had taken several months.

“Ah, I can’t wait to stop hauling stones,” said Meg happily. “And making cement.” 

“Soon,” Ryan agreed. “Just wondering though, do we have wire for the blocks?” 

“I was thinking the same,” said Gavin thoughtfully. “I don’t think we will. I was actually thinking I’d go to the town and pick some more up. It’ll be good to have, even if we don’t need it.”

Geoff hummed, feeding Andy in his lap. “Yeah, that’d be good. There are a few other things that might be worth picking up too.”

“Who’re you taking?” asked Jeremy.

Michael noticed Gavin tense slightly, his eyes flicking ever so slightly in Michael’s direction, but when he spoke he was looking at Jeremy and his voice was completely emotionless.

“I was thinking you, Matt and Trevor.” 

A hush passed through the group, but Lindsay, ever the peacemaker, tried to conceal it quickly.

“Well, there’s some, um, medical supplies I want, too,” she said, eyes darting around. The others were watching Michael ever so slightly out of the corner of their eyes. Michael was stock still, fighting against a wave of competing emotions. Devastation. Hurt. Expendable. 

Anger won out.

“Fuck you,” he said, cutting Lindsay off. She flinched, but knew it wasn’t directed at her. Michael was glaring fiercely at Gavin, who still refused to look at him. Michael cracked.

“You have some kind of _fucking_ nerve,” Michael snarled, slowly rising from his chair. “ _You_ used _me._ I was fine; I was perfectly fine just being here. I would have never have acted on how I felt for you, and _you fucking knew that._ But this is all just a fucking game to you, isn’t it?” 

Michael could feel his eyes welling up with tears, but he couldn’t stop. Gavin was turning slightly towards him, but still, _still_ wouldn’t look him in the eye.

“I know what you and Matt talked about when I first got here; I heard it,” Michael said, breathing fast, still glaring at Gavin. He saw Matt jump out of the corner of his eye, but his eyes were on Gavin, unashamed, _willing him_ to look at him.

_Care. Please care. Please. Don’t shut me out like this._

“And Ryan warned me too. That you like the chase, you think it’s fun to fuck people that you shouldn’t. Because no one can tell you what to do, right? And that gives you a pass to be able to treat people like toys, and I’m just the shitty, dirty toy of yesterday now?”

Tears were dripping down his cheeks now.

“I’m just a game to you, and you can just decide to stop fucking me _so easily._ Must be _fucking_ nice. It was never just fucking for me though, and you knew that, didn’t you? You‘re a psychopath.Thank you, _really, thank you,_ for making me love you and _fucking off_ when you got bored.”

At this point Gavin had angled his whole body to Michael but was refusing to catch his eye up until Michael said he loved him. At this point his eyes flicked upwards, and Michael couldn’t tell if they were shocked or angry or upset. He was beyond caring.

“You really are the biggest asshole it’s ever been my misfortune to meet, and I used to live with people who used me as human shield,” Michael said finally, his voice little more than a whisper as his throat tightened from the tears. “I’m probably better off there. Fuck you. _Fuck you_.” 

Michael had stood up at some point in his rant and now, with his chair thrown back against the wall, he turned to Jack. 

“I thought about it,” he said, as skilful at not catching her eye as Gavin was at not catching his. “I won’t be staying.”

And he stormed out of the room without a backwards glance, though Gavin’s face when Michael told him he loved him was still burned in the back of his retinas.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like angst cause it's only intensifying from here!!!!!  
> It's getting real! But we're far from finished. Thanks to new commenter cat (how the fuck did you scope up that username?!) and to all my consistently regular commenters too!


	19. Chapter 19

The fact that Michael could fit the contents of his room into the pockets of his jacket didn’t instil him with much pleasure about the time he had spent at Achievement City. He was as forgettable here as he was to Haven, really. As he thought that, though, he could almost hear Jack and Lindsay in his head, responding to that thought: _We just haven’t got around to decorating your room yet – Geoff will make you a bed frame, and we can get some decorations - we'll do it, we swear – don’t leave -_

He shook his head, already practically sprinting to the door. He couldn’t stay here, not another minute – not as some desperate, embarrassing fuck buddy that wasn’t worth anything to _him -_

He was nearly at the gates before he was intercepted.

“Please, please don’t go.” 

It was Jack. She was holding Andy with a stricken expression on her face. In the distance, Michael could hear yelling, and he knew that it was the others yelling at Gavin. For a moment he felt bad that Gavin was in trouble because of him, but he quickly reminded himself that he shouldn’t feel bad for what Gavin had done to _him._

Michael drew a shaky breath. “I - I  _can’t_ stay here, Jack,” he whispered. “It - hurts too m-much.” 

“I - please, just wait, don’t go just yet,” said Jack, tears beginning to roll down her cheeks. Michael had never seen her cry before. “We can work this out. I – I can pack you something to eat, if you still want to go. Don’t go just yet. Please. I can -”

Michael stepped forward, and Jack stopped talking as Michael gently leant down and placed a kiss on Andy’s downy hair. Then he pulled Jack in, hugging her tightly for just a moment before releasing her quickly and stepping back.

“You’re a great mom, Jack,” he said quietly, not trusting himself to speak louder. “Thank you so much for taking me in. You’ve changed my life. I’ll never forget you, or the others. Tell them I’m sorry.”

“Michael -”

“To have you all as my family, even for just a bit – that was more than I ever deserved. Goodbye, Jack.”

And he opened the gates, slipped out of them, deftly closed them behind him and was running before she could say another word. 

With the wind whipping through his hair, he decided he could barely hear the crying and screaming he was leaving behind.

 

* * *

 

There was a full beat of silence as Michael left the kitchen. Inevitably, Geoff broke it.

“You’ve really done it this time, Gav,” he sighed, and the kitchen exploded into chaos.

“I fucking _told_ you,” hissed Matt, uncharacteristically angry. Beside him, Trevor was shaking his head, his eyes skewering Gavin with an exceptionally sharp look. “I told you not to –“ 

“What is wrong with you?” Ryan cut in, his fists clenched on the table. “Are you ten or a fucking adult? Why do you always do things when people tell you not to? You’re psychotic –“

“Hey,” Geoff cut in. “That’s not –“

“Well, someone has to say it to him, Geoff, you clearly never have –“ 

“You don’t have to call him psychotic, that’s a bit far –“

“He’s just playing with people, Geoff! He doesn’t care who he hurts –“

In the midst of this argument, Jack stood up, pulling Andy from Geoff’s arms, and left the room. Her husbands barely noticed her go. 

Gavin, meanwhile, seemed utterly transfixed by a deep rivet in the wood of the table, and did not react to what everyone was saying. The only indication that he was hearing what everyone was saying was a flinch that travelled through his shoulders when Ryan and Matt spoke.

“It’s not _like that_ , Ryan –“ Geoff shouted. 

“It is! You have no idea _how many people_ he fucked with before we came back here, before I met you and Jack! And I was fine with it then, because it wasn’t like this; it wasn’t a long-term thing. But this went too far, he’s playing with people’s affections now, he doesn’t even care that Michael actually loved him -“

“I loved him too, though,” Gavin said, so softly everyone barely heard it, but the room became intensely silent the moment he spoke, and his words carried. “I love him, I mean.” 

Everyone stared at him, the silence dragging, but if he had not spoken aloud one would have thought he had forgotten that anyone else was in room. He could not tear his eyes away from the spot where Michael had stood.

“Then go and _get him,_ ” said Lindsay after a few heartbeats of stillness, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

Finally, finally, Gavin wrenched his eyes away, looking to Lindsay with a tormented expression. 

“I _can’t,”_ he whispered. Nobody spoke, only staring at Gavin with eyes prompting him to explain why, and he sighed and tried again.

“He doesn’t care about living, for me or anyone else,” he said hoarsely. “He’s still so brainwashed by that place, and I don’t think he’ll ever stop. We’ve begged him over and over again to stop putting himself in danger, and he does it anyway. He won’t change. And I can’t…” 

He swallowed with difficulty, his voice catching in his throat.

“…I can’t bear to lose someone I… love…not like that. There isn’t enough room in my heart. I can’t do it.”

“Get over yourself.”

Shocked, everyone’s eyes shot up to see Jack, Andy clutched to her chest with a face bright with tears. 

“He’s left,” she said, her voice wobbly. “All because you think they best way to not love someone is pretend they never existed at all. Grow up. We’ve all lost someone, and life goes on anyway. It’s a fucking apocalypse. People are going to die. But if you keep them close, at least we’ll have them for all the days we have together. I want Michael as a part of our family, and you do too. 

“So go out and bring him back.”

One heartbeat. Two.

And Gavin was up on his feet and out the door.

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, just thought I'd add another chapter because I realised it took me over a week to upload the last chapter...! And I promised you all a new chapter every 4 days, so my apologies, and here's a 'I'm sorry' chapter. Thank you to all my regular commenters, this one's for you all.

Eventually Michael slowed from a run to a jog, and finally to a walk. He refused to think about how if it hadn’t been for Ryan, he wouldn’t be in the shape to run like this.

He refused to think how if it hadn’t been for Meg, Trevor and Matt always taking him out and around the compound, he wouldn’t know his way around these woods. 

He refused to think of Jack’s crying, and how it was likely they might come after him. He refused to think about how that made him feel – to have people who would come after him out of love, not hatred.

He refused to think of how difficult life on the road was going to be, or how he would need to find food and a place for the night, or how he would need to hide his arm again or face possible persecution from strangers for zombiism.

He refused to think of Gavin’s face when Michael said he loved him.

Michael walked on, his mind completely blank and screamingly full all at once. There were so many things not to think about and so little else he did care to think about.

He walked on and on until he came upon the very road he’d ran off of, six months ago, when he’d been running from the bandits.

It was funny to think, retrospectively, that his journey from this road to Achievement City that first time had taken him four days because he’d been lost and sick. Today, it took him just five hours to leave the woods, and the people who changed his life. 

He paused in the centre of the road, glancing back and forth. No people scurried from the bushes today, though if they had Michael would have been in better shape to take them on; his gun was nestled comfortably in his left pocket and his knife in his right, bumping against the Professor’s book.

But he was alone on the road, alone with his decision. To the right, he would be returning south, to Haven. To the left was the path he never took, to the north.

It wasn’t much of a choice. He was never returning to Haven, and it wasn’t because he was afraid of receiving punishment for the deaths of the Professor and Mike.

It was because he would never go back to a place where he was nothing but a shield. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that your whole childhood had been a brainwashing scheme by a conglomerate of people who only wanted to protect themselves, but knowing that was the case lifted a weight off of Michael’s shoulders. In spite of his childhood, he was his own man at the end of the day, and he could make his own choices. 

But he couldn’t stay with Gavin, because he realised he made Michael feel like he was still at Haven. Gavin used him just like Haven did, and his actions in the last week made up Michael’s mind for him.

Gavin notwithstanding, the other members of Achievement City had told him he was worth more than Haven thought he was, and by that logic he was worth more than Gavin thought he was.

He wouldn’t go from one Haven to another version just like it. He’d find a place where he belonged, though it hurt to leave Achievement City behind. So he turned, resolutely, to the north, took a deep breath, and carried on.

 

* * *

 

Gavin strode through the trees, his eyes locked on the ground but his ears straining for any sound besides his own steady footsteps. 

He had left Achievement City a few hours ago, stopping by his room only to pick up some weapons and supplies, and had run out the door in pursuit of Michael just fifteen minutes after Michael himself had left. But Gavin was slowed down by the time it took him to track Michael by the trail he left in the woods, and he knew Michael had at least a half-hour head start on him. 

Gavin was not deterred. He was replaying what Jack said in his head, over and over, wondering how he could have been so stupid… 

He couldn’t go on without Michael. He couldn’t lose him because of what an idiot he was. He was going to get him back and tell him he loved him.

Suddenly, Gavin noticed a thinning in the trees, and in just a few minutes he came upon a road. Pausing in the road with a sinking heart, Gavin looked from left to right, filled with indecisiveness.

Rather than decide, he crossed the road and checked the other side for tracks, but after a short amount of time he was forced to conclude Michael had not crossed the road. He had followed it.

Which left Gavin with the question – did Michael head north or south?

Gavin knew, based on what Meg had said about Haven, that it was south. To the right. Slowly, Gavin looked down the road to the right, as though expecting to see Michael’s retreating form. The road was empty.

Did he really expect Michael to return to Haven, after everything he’d been through? After everything Gavin had seen him do? The times he had thrown himself in front of zombies for the others…as though he were nothing more than that human shield he’d said he was…

But other memories tackled themselves to the forefront of Gavin’s mind.

Michael, the first day Gavin had met him, cowered in the forest as the other pointed their guns at him. And right beside it, Michael just two weeks ago, laughing and arguing at the kitchen table with Lindsay and Ryan about who had to clean up after dinner. He could barely believe the change.

Other memories of Michael fought for his attention: Michael sitting on the wall finishing his watch, looking out at the rising sun and smiling when he thought no one was watching him.

Michael holding Andy, hugging her at tightly as he could by pulling her close with his arm and tucking his legs against his chest to hold her a little closer.

Michael on his back in his bed, looking up at Gavin with his eyes like _that._

Michael was not the same person he was when he’d just left Haven. He was so much more. He would not have gone south.

Gavin turned left, walking briskly to where he knew Michael must be.


	21. Chapter 21

The sun was just dusting the tops of trees to Michael’s right when he came upon a small town. Judging by it’s many broken windows and blown-out walls, the town had clearly been pillaged within an inch of its life. Michael thought he remembered Ryan mentioning this town once before, but couldn’t remember what he’d said about it. He’d just have to chance finding an empty room to bunker down for the night. Right now, at least, it looked pretty deserted.

He spoke too soon. As he turned down a side street, he immediately encountered two zombies, just a few metres before him. They turned, snarling, and began to walk towards him.

Michael reached for his gun, but stopped and pulled his knife instead. It wouldn’t do well to waste his ammunition now, on two zombies he could easily take care of with hand-to-hand combat. Knife in hand, Michael glanced around himself quickly and then shrugged off his jacket. He didn’t like how his loose sleeve could be used against him. 

Gritting his teeth and ignoring the feeling of emptiness behind him without the others watching his back, he focused himself on the fight.

Luckily, the fight was over quickly. Sidestepping one zombie, he darted in and stabbed the other in the face and, as it reeled back, Michael was able to concentrate on the other without fear of attack from the first. A few quick jabs later and the two zombies lay in the dusty street, quite dead.

Michael listened intently for a second, glancing around again. Satisfied nothing else was coming, he bent over the bodies, rifling through their pockets but only finding a few casino tokens. As he took the tokens over to his jacket, which was still on the floor, he heard the tell-tale sign of footsteps that made him fall back into his defensive stance, his knife held aloft.

A middle-aged man, his hair beginning to grey, shuffled into view before him, a few metres away. Though it was very clear he was not a zombie by the lack of rotting skin and missing limbs, Michael did not lower his knife. He would not be robbed again.

The man stopped at the mouth of the street, raising his hands easily and without much fear. He must have been about forty, with shoulder-length hair and a lined face. He was clearly nomadic, based on the heavy backpack he carried and his worn hiking boots. He smiled genially.

“Hey, now,” he said. “No need for that. Good work with those zombies – you must fight often.”

Michael didn’t respond, and he did not lower his knife. 

The man sighed and took a step forward. Michael raised the knife, tightening his grip on the handle. The man stopped again. 

“Hey now,” he said again. “Look, I’m just a trader – I just wanted to ask you what they had on them, and if it was anything worth trading?”

“It was just some casino coins,” Michael bit out. “Nothing you’d want, I’m sure.” 

The man smiled, and Michael noticed how yellow his teeth were. “On the contrary,” he said. “May I come closer?” 

Finally, Michael shrugged, turning to his jacket and dropping his knife on the jacket in order to pick up the coins. The man had dropped his hands, and was taking a few steps forward. “I don’t want anything you’re selling,” Michael said. “You can just have them –“

But Michael did not have a chance to give the man the coins, as he noticed the man reach for his pocket quickly out of the corner of his eye. Dropping the coins and acting on instinct, Michael quickly pulled his own gun from the pocket of his jacket.

He was not a moment too soon. He spun with his gun, clicking off the safety just as the man drew his own gun and pointed it at Michael.

The man may have had the upper hand, as Michael was still crouched on the floor, but he seemed genuinely thrown by how quickly Michael moved. He smiled again, though, but Michael could now see how sinister it was.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Michael asked, through gritted teeth.

“Well,” the man drawled. “I was actually watching your fight from that building there –“ he nodded his head to the eight-story building on the left, “And normally I wouldn’t have come out, but you caught my eye. I mean, how often do you see an amputee out and about these days? I ask you. And after I only _just_ got passed on that juicy tip about the amputee every good bandit is looking for…”

Michael’s heart sank. He was a bandit. And…

“What tip?” he whispered.

“Supposedly the Haven settlement will pay a princely sum for the live capture of a twenty-year-old man with an amputated right arm. When I heard about that bounty request, I thought there was no way someone with one arm would still be alive out here, in these wastelands. But then here you are –“

“It’s not me –“

“Not much of a liar, are you? Is that why Haven wants you? Doesn’t matter to me, son. You’re coming with me –" 

“He is not.”

Michael and the bandit both whipped their heads up, and Michael’s breath caught in his throat.

Gavin stood behind Michael in the street, his bow drawn and an arrow notched. In spite of himself and even in this moment of crisis, Michael couldn’t help but notice how radiant he looked. His chin was high, his back straight and his face was full of righteous anger.

The man shifted uncomfortably, but tried to recover.

“Are you trying to pick up the bounty too?” he asked. “We can bring him in together – split it –“

“No. Turn around, get the fuck out of this town and forget you saw him here.”

“Hang on –“

Gavin drew his bow back even further, the arrow held back from being launched by the very tips of his fingers.

“I will not ask twice,” he growled.

The man seemed to realise the battle was not one he’d win. With one last glance at Michael, he stowed his gun back in his pocket and turned down the alley. He watched Gavin the whole time as he retreated, eventually picking up into a run as he turned the corner and disappeared.

Gavin eased back on his bow and turned to Michael. Michael looked down, refusing to catch his eye as he quickly pulled his jacket on and slid his gun back into his pocket. As he stood, Gavin spoke up. 

“Michael –“ he started, but Michael cut him off.

“The sun – it’s about to set. And that man could come back. We should find somewhere to sleep for the night." 

“Oh – yeah, right,” Gavin said, momentarily distracted. “Well, uh…we don’t often stay in this town because it’s usually full of bandits –“ (Michael cursed himself, remembering now what Ryan had said about the town) – “but there is a building a few streets across that we could stay in. It’s hard to get into, so not many people tend to stay there.”

“Okay, let’s go,” said Michael, still not looking at Gavin. Gavin nodded and carried on down the street, Michael in tow.

Gavin seemed to have realised that Michael did not want to talk, so the next half an hour was blessedly silent aside from instructions into the building. Gavin and Michael weaved barbed wire, navigated a maze of seemingly random locked and unlocked doors and scaled a broken elevator shaft as the sun disappeared behind the faraway trees. The latter task left Michael’s heart hammering as Gavin climbed alongside him and kept a supportive hand on his back, but he denied thinking about that just yet.  

As expected, the building was entirely empty. Michael and Gavin found a room at the end of the hallway with an attachment to a broken fire escape that led a few good stories down and would serve as an escape route, if need be. Michael and Gavin then spent a further twenty minutes shutting, locking, barricading and fortifying the door until, finally, there was nothing left to do but talk.

Michael turned slowly away from the door to where Gavin had stepped back. Gavin was looking at him hungrily. Just seeing Gavin look at him like that sent flashes of pain somewhere behind Michael’s eyes. He closed his eyes and turned away from Gavin, walking to sit on the couch for something to do.

“Michael,” Gavin started softly. Michael couldn’t help but think of that first day they’d met, and the way Gavin had repeated his name in his infuriating accent – _Micco –_

“Why’d you follow me?” Michael said abruptly. “Did Jack send you after me?”

“Well, yes,” said Gavin distractedly, hesitantly taking a seat beside Michael on the couch, though Michael looked intently at his fingers, twisting them as though doing so had a point.

“B-but -” Gavin added quickly, seeing the way Michael’s shoulders slumped and his expression shut down. “I wanted to come after you, too.”

“And why’s that?” said Michael, finally turning to look at Gavin, his expression as blank as Gavin’s could be whenever he was deciding to ignore Michael. “You got what you wanted from me.”

“No, I didn’t,” said Gavin hotly. He didn’t seem angry, exactly, just passionate, but still Michael couldn’t help but flinch a tiny bit.

“So you’re here to torture me some more, then?” Michael whispered.

“No, I –“ 

“Do you get what you do to me?” asked Michael, his face still so flat as he searched Gavin for answers. “You have _ruined_ me. You can do whatever you want with me, you can _tell_ me to do anything. I’ll do it.” 

The words were tumbling out his mouth, and in a way he was glad Gavin had come to find him, to get his fuck buddy back, because he had to say this.

“You made me exactly what Haven made me. A puppet. I do exactly what you tell me to do.”

He could feel tears beginning to stream down his cheeks. Gavin was staring at him, breathless and still, his eyes wide. 

“I don’t _want_ to feel like your worshipper,” Michael whispered. “I wanted to be your equal. Your partner. And you just wanted a convenient fuck.”

“ _No,_ ” Gavin finally interjected. “That’s not what I wanted – I never wanted for you to feel like that. I – Michael, I –“

He rubbed his eyes, hard, and Michael could hear him muttering softly. Perhaps his words were to Michael or to himself, but he said, “I didn’t want to tell you this – like this –“

“Please,” Michael croaked finally. “Just be honest with me. Just say it so I can move on.”

Gavin looked up, his face red and patchy from the strength of his hands. He took a tentative shuffle forward, and Michael didn’t stop him. Their knees touching, Gavin caught his eye determinedly, his jaw set hard, willing him to believe him.

“Ok,” Gavin said. He took a deep breath. “Ok. Michael… Michael, I’m a shitty person. Just a generally shitty fucking person. I have done awful things to good people. I have fucked loads of people just for the sake… for the sake of forgetting Dan.”

With those words tumbling out his mouth, Gavin became more rushed. It was as though these were things he had never said and now he was saying them, he couldn’t stop.

“I’ve have been chasing meaningless relationships for years now, and it’s always worked well to keep me content because I knew I wouldn’t be upset if they died, and I’d never have to feel the way I did about Dan again.”

Michael felt the tears streaming down his cheeks as he listened, frozen, to what Gavin was saying. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he heard the echoes of a conversation he’d had nearly four months ago, with Geoff….

_The less people you care about, the less likely you’ll have to deal with heartbreak. God knows I passed that charming little trait on to Gavin…_

“You were, when it began, another – another one of those relationships for me, a meaningless one,” said Gavin, momentarily closing his eyes as though wincing at the very words. “I thought you weren’t staying for long, so it’d be fine. I thought it wouldn’t matter, and it would just be a fun, secret hook-up.” 

“And I’ll be honest. I could tell that you liked me, maybe more than I liked you… but I decided to pretend that you were only looking to hook up with someone too, to explore your sexuality, so it was fine. But it wasn’t fine. I _was_ using you, and that wasn’t right.”

“But –“ Gavin never looked away from Michael, but his hands seemed to be fighting each other, as though one hand wanted desperately to reach out and touch Michael but the other knew better to wait.

“It didn’t end up being like that, just a hook-up. The more I spent time with you, the more I watched you around Achievement City, interacting with the others, coming out of your shell like you did when you were alone with me… I started to really like you.”

“Michael, I know you won’t believe this is true, but you love more openly and honestly than anyone I have ever met. And it makes everyone you meet do the same in turn. You became a loved member of our family quicker than anyone has before, maybe including Andy.” 

Michael almost cracked a smile at that and Gavin, encouraged, hurried on. 

“It was something to watch. I couldn’t tear my eyes away. And I wanted to, believe me. And I got so frightened thinking I was going to fall in love with you like Dan, and then I’d lose you like I lost him. And the way – the way you dive to protect people, without a second thought, well… it made me crazy.”

Michael blushed without meaning to.

“I was terrified every time you did it, but neither me nor Ryan nor any of the others could convince you to stop. And I begged them to talk to you, to reason with you. But you would fall into autopilot and do it, and I’d be there, choking on this terror that I couldn’t escape… because no matter how I tried to ignore you during the day, and just keep our interactions to emotionless hook ups at night, I couldn’t help but feel more and more like I couldn’t live without you.”

“And then last week, you fought that zombie hand-to-hand. I lost it. You were seconds away from death, and if I hadn’t been there I would have lost you. I thought it would be best to go cold turkey from you, to escape that terror…”

“But…I kept replaying that scene in my head, over and over, of you fighting that zombie… because it reminded me so much of watching Dan being tore apart again; it was so similar. But this time I could do something to stop it, and I did, but I found myself thinking…”

 Gavin’s voice was getting choked, and tears were beginning to pour down his cheeks, matching Michael’s perfectly.

“I thought, _if I’d saved Dan like this, I would never have met Michael._ And when that occurred to me, I felt this horrible feeling of loss.”

Gavin’s hand freed itself from the other and he reached out, grabbing Michael by the shirt, pulling him closer, willing him to hear what he was saying. Michael reached out himself and grabbed Gavin’s wrists where they held him; on his hip and collar, but did not push him away. Their faces were inches apart.

“I don’t love Dan anymore. I don’t want to go back and save Dan. I would watch him die a hundred times again if it meant saving your life. It’s horrible, but it’s true. I’m a horrible person, but I want you. I love _you_ , Michael.”

Time seemed to slow to a crawl as Michael processed everything Gavin had said. In fairness, there had been a lot. Gavin had just about exploded with every confession he’d had up his sleeve in the past four months, and it took Michael a moment to take it all in.

All in all, though, the concluding point was simple: Gavin loved him. So much, in fact, that he was terrified to lose him, and had spent the past four months struggling to come to terms with those feelings. But he had, now.

 Well, that made two of them.

Things got quite simple from there. 

Michael had clearly been thinking a moment too long, though, because Gavin shifted with embarrassment, a swept his eyes down, loosening his grip on Michael’s collar.

“It’s fine if–“ he started, but Michael yanked him by his wrists forward and pulled Gavin on top of him into a hard, crashing kiss that left them both breathless.

Finally, breaking apart, Michael panted out, “I love you, too. Don’t – please don’t ever leave me like that again. I won’t –“

“I know, I know,” Gavin said, straddling Michael and burying his head into his shoulder. “I’m so sorry – I was an idiot – it’s a bad way - I’m working on it – I love you, so much –“

Michael laughed, gently pulling Gavin by the hair to look in his eyes. “ _I love you_ is going to lose it’s meaning if we keep saying it over and over. But –“

He frowned, then soldiered on, knowing he had to say it what he wanted to say or the thought would sit on his chest forever.

“Gavin, I _do_ love you,” he said seriously. “Which is why I want to try this, being with you. But if you ever feel in the future like you don’t want to be with me, I just want you to tell me upfront. I don’t want apologies or justifications, or you running after me like this; I want you to tell me. I can’t go through what just happened again. I’m – I’m worth more than that. Promise me that.” 

Gavin nodded vigorously. “I will,” he said. “But I won’t. Have to tell you that, I mean. You’re stuck with me now.”

The mood lightened and Michael laughed. He bent in to kiss Gavin and Gavin eagerly complied. Around them the building creaked quietly with the promise of an oncoming storm. Michael was very grateful they had found a quiet, dry place to stay for the night without the threat of being bothered – for more than one reason.

Gavin ground his hips into Michael’s and Michael groaned into his mouth, bucking his hips up into Gavin’s. His hands were still in Gavin’s hair, and he pulled experimentally, pleased to elicit a soft moan from him.

“Does –“ Michael could barely finish his sentence, mesmerised as he was by Gavin’s hips – “Does this place have a bed?”

“Mm, it does – I saw when you were barricading the door.”

“Good.”

Michael pressed Gavin against him, his hands firmly on Gavin’s ass, and stood. Getting the memo, Gavin wrapped his legs round Michael’s waist and began sucking Michael’s neck, hard, as Michael carried him to the other room.

The room was darkening, but the moon outside was nearly full and so the room was lit with a light glow. Michael lowered Gavin onto the sagging bed, dropping him for the last few inches so he landed with an ‘ _oof’._

“Hey – “ Gavin grumbled, but Michael crawled on top of him, silencing him with a kiss. As the kiss deepened, Gavin rolled them over so he was on top, and Michael submitted to him. Gavin’s hands were everywhere – _everywhere_ – and Michael could do little more than hold Gavin’s hips and try not to bruise them with how hard he was holding. Clearly pleased with the effect he was having on Michael, Gavin pulled off Michael’s shirt and began trailing kisses down his body, working from the neck and slowly moving down…

The moon rose and fell around them, the storm battering the building, but inside that room time did not seem to touch the two men. Entirely focussed as they were on each other, it was as though they were the only two people who had ever existed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One drama down!! But how many more to come? 😏


	22. Chapter 22

 It was a surreal experience for Michael to wake up not alone. With the bright light of the rising sun momentarily blinding him, he threw up a hand to protect his eyes and accidentally upset the man sleeping against his chest.

Gavin groaned and snuggled deeper against Michael’s chest. Automatically, Michael dropped his hand and threaded it into Gavin’s hair, scratching like he knew he liked. 

Michael was reeling. Last night had been – well, it had been the best night of his life, bar none. He and Gavin had had sex before, certainly, but nothing like that. Something had changed, and suddenly every touch was more electric, every kiss was like fire… it was as though knowing that Gavin loved him made it mean more, and they couldn’t tear themselves away from each other. The night had gone on and on and on, neither of them wanting it to end.

Gavin seemed to be thinking along the same lines as Michael. “Somehow, I’m not looking forward to walking today,” he mumbled against Michael’s chest, but Michael could hear the smile in his voice.

“You and me both,” he said, stretching out his legs and feeling all the aches in his body at once. He wanted nothing more than to just lay here and cuddle, but he knew they couldn’t. Sighing, he sat up. 

Gavin groaned and sat up too, wiggling out of bed and picking up his jeans off the floor. Michael watched him as he pulled them on, marvelling. He was struck by the wish, out of nowhere, to talk to his old Haven Soldiers friends, Elyse and Barbara, and gossip about how hot his boyfriend was. It was something the girls had done when they were kids, though it was all make-believe. Still, he wondered what they would say, and how they would think of him if they saw him now….

Gavin threw his jeans to him, breaking him from his train of thought.

“C’mon,” he said. “I brought some jerky and biscuits. Let’s have breakfast and go home, yeah?”

Smiling, Michael got dressed and followed him, thoughts of Haven quite forgotten.

 

* * *

  

They had no problems leaving the city, aside from another small zombie encounter that was quickly neutralised. Michael was revelling in this small amount of time they had alone together and so he walked slowly, wanting to pull out the moment. Gavin held his hand and kept the pace, wandering along as though they were exploring of meadow of flowers romantically rather than entering a dangerous forest that was likely filled with zombies.

Gavin kept up a steady stream of conversation, everything from ‘would you rather’ to stories of his explorations with Ryan, Jeremy, Matt and Trevor. Michael mainly listened, interjecting with questions from time to time.

“Michael?” Gavin asked suddenly, when they were less than an hour from home. 

“Mm?” Michael responded, thinking dreamily for the millionth about the way Gavin said his name (“ _Micco?”)_  

“Can I ask you…what that raider wanted from you?”

Michael stiffened. Gavin carried on, though he was aware of Michael’s discomfort.

“You don’t have to answer…but he said something about Haven looking for you, didn’t he? Why are Haven looking for you?”

Michael stopped and Gavin did too, yanked back by Michael’s hand. Now he stood in front of Michael, waiting patiently.

Michael bit his lip, indecisive. In truth, he was frightened to tell the others now, especially since it had been so long. It was well past time he should have told them why he had left Haven, but they’d never asked again. And there really wasn’t a great way to open that conservation – _Hey guys, just wanted to let you know that I was responsible for the deaths of two high-ranking members of Haven –_

Still, Michael knew that how difficult it would be to bring up wasn’t the reason why he hadn’t said anything. He hadn’t said anything because he knew they would ask him to leave. The first thing Geoff said to him kept repeating in his head, every time he wanted to tell them - 

_If you start to turn, then you better hope you lose sensation when you become a zombie because I am going to kill you in the most painful way I can imagine for endangering my family and my unborn child. Understand?_

 Of course, at the time Geoff had said that, he’d been afraid he was secretly turning into a zombie, but the intention for the threat was still clear. He would face Geoff’s wrath – and the rest of the Achievement City’s, for the matter – if he endangered the family. Little did they know he endangered them every day, just by sleeping under the safe roof as them.

And yet he could not make himself leave. He’d had so many opportunities, and he’d even had an opportunity to do so, not twelve hours ago, but he still came back. He felt so horribly selfish, so cowardly, but he didn’t want to leave. And he couldn’t tell Gavin the whole story, or he’d have to. 

“I committed a crime,” Michael said quietly, looking down.

“Okay,” said Gavin, stroking the back of Michael’s hand with his thumb, and looking down too. “A crime by Haven’s standards, or by everyone’s standards?”

Michael stopped to consider that. Everyone’s standards were not to expect people to thrown themselves in front of other people or die trying; however, they had died because of his negligence. And there were a lot of people who would argue that manslaughter was murder, no matter how you spun it.

“I – it – by everyone’s standards, I guess,” whispered Michael. 

“Okay,” said Gavin again, softly. “Will – do you think they’ll kill you if they find you?”

_Yes._

“I don’t know,” said Michael. He was starting to tremble and he knew Gavin could feel it, because he took a step closer to him and pulled him in to his chest. 

“Well, they won’t find you here,” said Gavin fiercely. “Hardly anyone knows we’re out here in the woods. And it’s been – what, six months? – since you left. They’ll give up soon. The others don’t need to know – to worry about it.”

“Y-yeah,” Michael said into Gavin’s chest, knowing most of that wasn’t true.

“Do you want to talk about it, at all? What – happened? The crime?”

“I’m not ready just yet,” Michael mumbled, hating himself. “I – I’ll tell you the whole story, soon. And I’ll tell the others too.” 

“Okay,” said Gavin. “I don’t mind. Tell me when you’re ready.”

“I will,” Michael lied, tears streaming down his cheeks. “I will.”

And guilt settled on his chest like a kick in the stomach that could never fade.


	23. Chapter 23

“Michael’s back! They’re both back!”

Trevor’s shout echoed across Achievement City as Gavin and Michael emerged from the trees. Michael blushed as he heard shouts and whoops from within, but Gavin squeezed his hand encouragingly.

“Hear that? They’re not mad at you for leaving, just glad you’re back.”

Michael blushed harder than ever, wondering why he was surprised that Gavin knew why he’d been nervous. He _had_ been worried they’d be mad at him for leaving.

Gavin, meanwhile, had let go of his hand and was unlatching the gate. As he pulled it open and turned back to Michael, Trevor and Jeremy shoved out of the door (whacking Gavin in the shoulder with the door) and seized Michael, pulling him inside with shouts of laughter. 

“I’m so glad you’re back,” said Trevor fervently, patting him on the shoulder happily. Jeremy, meanwhile, grabbed him and lifted him off his feet for a tight hug.

“Don’t you leave again,” he grumbled. “We have enough drama queens in this group.”

He dropped Michael, who could not possibly go any more scarlet than he was, and nodded. Throughout their exchange, doors had been opening across Achievement City and the others were spilling out, shouts of welcome and excitement on their lips. Gavin was latching the gate behind him, grumbling about no one was happy that he was also home.

Ryan reached Michael first, surprising him with a hard hug. He’d been expecting, at most, a nod. What he whispered in his ear, though, surprised him even more.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t do more,” he said. “To warn you about Gavin – and – “

“Ryan, it’s fine,” Michael muttered back, patting his back gingerly. Clearly, he’d been beating himself up about not sharing what he knew about Gavin and Michael’s relationship.

“You make me sound like a rabid dog,” Gavin griped, having successfully latched the gate.

Ryan released Michael, eyeing him with a disdainful look. “Well, if the shoe fits –“

“Michael!”

Geoff – Andy in a cloth sling across his chest, seized Michael – then Meg, Lindsay and Matt hugged joined in. He found himself in the centre of a suffocating group hug, though it wasn’t unwelcome. He was released only to be pulled moments later into a long hug from Jack, who seemed unwilling to let him go.

“Jack –“ he mumbled against her chest, but she interrupted him.

“Don’t ever – _never again_ – Gavin’s not the only person here that cares about you, okay? Don’t leave like that again.”

“Okay,” whispered Michael. “Sorry, Mo – Jack.”

Ignoring that Michael had obviously nearly called her 'Mom', Jack released Michael and wiped her eyes.

“Okay!” she said, clapping her hands together briskly. “Let’s have lunch – we’ll have it outside – Trevor, the wall will be fine for an hour or so –“ 

Smiling and laughing, the group moved to the kitchen to get lunch, chattering. Lindsay immediately pulled Michael into a conversation about some ideas she had to do up his room, which prompted Geoff to begin a long, lamenting speech about the lack of interior design in Achievement City. 

Though everyone participated in the conversation, one person was noticeably quiet: Gavin. Michael kept shooting him glances, confused. It wasn’t until they threw down some rugs on the grass and started eating that Gavin slid next to him as everyone else were engaged in other conversations.

“They’re all mad at me on your behalf, because you don’t seem mad at me,” Gavin murmured with a light grin on his face, his mouth angled to Michael’s and his voice barely more than a whisper. “I’m just going to try not to be too annoying for a couple of days; it’ll blow over.” 

Michael gave a startled laugh, relishing in the idea that people could be mad _for_ him. “Do you think you’ll be able to manage it, though?” he asked seriously. “Not being annoying?”

Gavin made a noise that somewhat resembled a squawk and shoved him. “Michael boi! You –“

As Michael and Gavin snorted and shoved each other, Geoff surveyed them critically. Leaning back on one elbow, he sipped a jar of beer.

“So this is a definite thing now?” he asked, indicating and their clasped hands with one finger and taking another sip while still pointing. On his either side, Jack turned away from a conversation with Trevor, and Ryan looked up from Andy, who was on her back giggling at the sky in the crook of his legs. In fact, most of the circle fell silent (though Lindsay tactfully carried on her conversation with Meg quietly).

“Uh – “ Michael began, looking at Gavin hesitantly. Gavin did not hesitate at all.

“Yep,” he said, smiling easily. Michael watched him from beneath his lashes. He was completely relaxed, meeting Geoff’s stern gaze easily. Geoff harrumphed.

“Well, I think it’s about time we stopped talking about Michael and your relationship as though he isn’t even here,” he said, and skewered Michael with his look now. There was a long pause and Geoff seemed to consider what he wanted to say. 

“Gavin – well, he will always be like a son to me. He’s my son,” he said unexpectedly. At this point, even Lindsay had given up on pretending not to listen.

“But I won’t stand by again and allow him to manipulate people like he has you,” he said. “Not again. If he ever –“ he now looked at Gavin –“If you _ever_ do something like that again, I will not support you in it. Michael, you have to know that sort of behaviour isn’t right. You’re a part of our family now, Michael, and we – we need to look out for each other equally. That’s all I wanted to say.”

Geoff’s face lost its seriousness and, without waiting for a response, he turned to Ryan and started playing with Andy, tickling her tummy till she squealed. Slowly, the others looked away and began talking again. Gavin leaned back on his elbows, looking uncannily like his foster father across the circle. Michael leaned on his side beside him.

“Are you okay?” asked Michael quietly. Gavin seemed to suddenly land back in his body from a million miles away, and he smiled and focused on Michael.

“Oh, I’m fine,” he said. “There – there’s just been a lot of speeches made because of me, lately, hasn’t there?” He gave a pained smile. “Everyone doesn’t seem to expect much of me unless it’s bad, huh. Well, if the shoe fits…like Ryan said…”

Michael didn’t really know what to say. It would feel odd to defend Gavin to himself, especially since he didn’t really know what he would do.

“Well, I’ll just have to prove them wrong, won’t I?” said Gavin, after a moment’s silence, a genuine smile now on his face.

Michael smiled shyly back. 

“I’d like that.”

 

* * *

 

 

Fall faded into winter in no time, and prompted the group to go into full hibernation mode. Though winter meant a lot of hard work from every member of the group, it also invited an extension of the group’s closeness.

The last ditch efforts of fall involved the mass-stockpile of food, a task they’d already been working on all summer. While Gavin, Meg, Trevor and Michael returned to the bunker they’d found on the raid with Ryan all those months ago, the rest of Achievement City finished the last dregs of the harvest and hunted. They dried meats into jerky and salted big barrels of the stuff, guaranteeing at least a few months of meat in the tough winter months.

Meanwhile, they finally finished fortifying the walls Achievement City, to Jack’s relief and excitement. It had been a long-term dream of hers, and moreover it meant less wall-watches for everyone. The walls could stand against 100 zombies for hours on end, and would mean that only a cursory check before bed and midnight would need to be done. According to Gavin, it beat the hell out of sitting in the freezing rain for hours on end, as they had done last few winters.

So they settled in for a lazy winter, bringing the luxury items and extra food from the bunker to keep the days interesting. A large, previously empty room on the ground floor beneath the kitchen finally fulfilled its intended purpose as a lounge room as Ryan built couches and comfortable chairs with the wood, cotton, cloth and pillows the others had brought back. 

They spent many long nights in this room, crowded around a fire and playing cards. To Michael’s delight, Gavin had found a small music player in the bunker and, with careful rigging from Geoff, was able to charge it via solar power. They played music and talked some horrible weathered nights away together, the strains of the music flooding out the frightening weather. It almost reminded Michael of his days back in Haven – but better. A thousand times better.

There were times that they could not hide from the weather in their lounge, though. Three tense days were spent sandbagging the south walls of the city as the nearby river swelled closer and closer to their walls. To top it off, a horde passed close by on the third day too, forcing them to retreat from their flood efforts. Yet when all hope seemed lost and the floodwaters lapped the edge of the city walls, the skies cleared and saved them.

Michael would always remember that feeling of looking up to the sun with everyone and laughing. And how the water glinted off Gavin’s hair like a halo.

Things between he and Gavin were – he could barely dare to believe it – perfect. Gavin was determined to prove his love for Michael, regardless of how many times Michael reassured him that he was not in doubt. He was attentive, talkative and _annoying._

That wasn’t to say that Michael was frustrated by him; quite the contrary. He liked this relationship they were developing so much more than the one they had had previously –Gavin could annoy him; he wasn’t finding himself worshipping the ground Gavin stood on. Michael wasn’t Gavin’s sidekick. He was his partner.

Gavin seemed to like it a lot more too. They spent long days talking about anything and everything, hunting and raiding over the long winter months. They moved into Gavin’s room together and began renovating, giving it a bit more of _them_ rather than _him and I._ They painted and added artwork. They made a bed frame and used it _well._ They spent long nights exploring each other, discovering their likes and dislikes. Gavin didn’t like his knees being touched; he was too tickly. Michael went weak when Gavin pulled his hair. And they still spent time apart, not all of their time going to each other, and it was safe and healthy. Michael had never been so happy in his life. 

And as the months flew by, Michael felt the guilt in his chest ease. He started to chastise himself for not telling Gavin everything when he had the chance. He wondered if the others truly would kick him out if they found out that Haven were looking for him, and found that he really didn’t think so. The residents of Achievement City were his family and he almost completely sure they would do no such thing. He’d always felt like there was a ticking clock counting down his time at Achievement City, but now he almost felt like he couldn’t hear the ticking anymore. This was his home.

Still, every time Michael went to say something, the words died in his throat. It was funny, at least, that of all things _this_ was what he still remained a coward about. 

Winter faded to spring before they knew it. Suddenly the days were beginning with birds calling and the vegetable patch was reviving, little sprouts poking from the sodden earth. Michael steeled himself to talk to his family, though he felt confident the danger had passed. Gavin was right – they’d give up soon, and they didn’t even know where to find him out in this forest, anyway.

It was then, in that heartbeat of time when Michael felt finally safe, that his past came rushing up to meet him like a wave breaking on a shoreline. All hell broke loose in the exceptionally special way that it only ever did for Michael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it folks. The Cure: Endgame, directed by the Russo Brothers. Thank you to my regular commenters and everyone who drops me a kudos. Only a few chapters left ❤︎


	24. Chapter 24

Sitting outside on a rug in the weak sun, Jack closed her eyes and lay back. To her left, Ryan leaned against Geoff as the pair watched Andy play with some rough-hewn blocks they’d made her. Meg, Lindsay, Trevor and Jeremy were kicking a ball between them in a facsimile of a soccer match, though they didn’t know it was. They’d been too young to remember soccer, so they thought they’d invented this game and Jack, Geoff and Ryan didn’t have the heart to tell them it already existed. They called it Kicky-doo, and Matt was refereeing enthusiastically.

Michael and Gavin were the only ones working today, as they went on the short walk to the river to refill some water canteens. It hardly felt like work when it meant private time, and Jack had no doubt they had volunteered to do the job for that exact reason. 

Of course, they’d never risk hooking up where zombies could get them, but Jack knew that they had come to a point in their relationship where private time didn’t always mean sex. Jack could barely believe now that Gavin was the same sex-crazed, emotionless boy she’d met all those years ago. 

Jack felt a hand lightly pulling through her hair and she opened her eyes, smiling. Ryan grinned back, and she scooted closer to him, resting her head on his knees and closing her eyes again as he continued to stroke her hair. 

Things were pretty good. Jack would later think she might have jinxed them by thinking that.

She was just drifting off when a thunderous _bang_ tore her from sleepiness. She shot into a sitting position, eyes seeking the heavy iron front door. Ryan slipped out from underneath her, already on his feet.

Another crashing bang, and the door shuddered. The others were deathly still in their shock, the ball lying forgotten at their feet. Ryan hurried to pick up Andy, pulling her close to his chest and taking a few steps back.

Jack jumped to her feet as Geoff did the same. Her mind was whirling – there was no moaning or screaming, it could not be zombies – and was that the engine of a car she could hear? –

“Go get weapons –“ she started, yelling to Jeremy, who nodded and turned to run to the supplies shed when the door gave a last, almighty screech and folded in on itself. An armoured car barrelled over it and straight into Achievement City, coming to an aggressive stop just a few metres from where Geoff, Jack and Ryan stood.

The back doors of the car opened and out spilled armed men and women. They already had their weapons drawn and pointed them, in turn, to each member of Achievement City. Still more soldiers filed in through the ruined gates of Achievement City, and when the chaos was over, there stood nearly twenty armed guards, some aiming, some guarding the front gates, and two standing beside the passenger and drivers’ side doors of the vehicle, waiting for its occupants to exit.

Everyone in Achievement City had raised their hands and were now shuffling together, as instructed by the guards’ waving guns. Jack’s heart was hammering, but she still stepped out in front of the others, effectively shielding Ryan and Andy with her body. She kept her arms held above her but held her chin high, making it clear that she was the leader of this place. The soldiers’ eyes raked over her, then looked to one another. 

A creak of the car door opening broke the silence, and Jack hated that she jumped a little. Still, her eyes followed the men who exited the vehicle, trying to pinpoint what was happening. This could be an elaborate act of banditry. Jack felt sickness creeping up in her throat as she thought about how little supplies they had left to offer if this _was_ a raid. And what these bandits would do to them if they had nothing of value to give.

But the moment the first man stepped out of the vehicle, she knew instantaneously what he was, and where he was from. He wore a crisp, white coat and was bespectacled, and the disdain with which he considered the solider opening his door gave him away. She nearly slapped herself when the thought occurred to her. They were Soldiers, not guards. And the bespectacled man was an Academic.

They were from Haven.

Another Soldier followed the Academic out of the car, the only thing distinguishing from his fellow Soldiers being a the badge on his chest showing three swords. Finally, a forty-something man in a long overcoat stepped out of the car, pushing his hair from his eyes. He stood in stark contrast to the clean, crisp uniforms of the others. His eyes regarded the camp, sweeping over each of the occupants hungrily. He clearly didn’t like what he saw.

Strolling across the yard, the three stopped in front of Jack. Their eyes regarded her frankly, and Jack heard the others shift uncomfortably behind her. She knew Ryan was furious from his breathing, but he had little choice with Andy in his arms.

The Academic opened his mouth, but was interrupted before he could speak by the long-haired man.

“He’s not here.”

The Academic closed his eyes for a second, a look of rage creased his eyebrows momentarily. He clearly was not the sort to be interrupted often. Still, when his eyes opened he spoke smoothly and without a hint of malice.

“Interesting,” he said, then turned to two Soldiers standing beside him. 

“Search the rooms. Be on your guard.”

The pair nodded and moved to the houses, their guns cocked and eyes watchful.

For a few moments, it appeared as though they would have to wait in silence for the Soldiers to return. But Jack knew what they were looking for, and they would not find it in the house. She had to get them to leave before Michael came back.

“What do you want?” she asked, breaking the silence with a clueless look. “Are you bandits?”

The Academic turned back to her, looking her up and down again. She saw his eyes rove to Ryan and Andy behind her, then to the others. When he looked back to her, his face had changed, and he had a kindly, fatherly look in his eyes.

“We are searching for a man who was once a member of our settlement, Haven,” he said gently. “We have no quarrel with your people or your young family. In fact, we would rather not escalate anything here – god knows this world needs as many children as it can get. Please, lower your hands. This isn’t a stand-up.” 

He gave a chuckle, and Jack smiled tentatively, though it did not reach her eyes. Behind her, the others lowered their hands as she did the same. Inside, she was seething. 

“I don’t know what man you’re talking about,” she said. “We don’t have anyone who lives here who was from a settlement.”

“She’s lying,” came the high-pitched voice of the long-haired man. He looked visibly nervous, wringing his hands and looking up to the house. “He’s in there, I know it. I saw him in the city north of here with one of the men who lives here.”

“And where is that man?” asked the Academic, rounding on the man. “Do you seem him among these people?”

“No,” admitted the man begrudgingly. “But they went into the woods when they left the town, and there is no other group in these woods, I know it.”

“Maybe the men you are thinking of passed through the woods?” said Jack benignly, feigning innocence. “I can’t think of a member of our group that fits your description.” 

“She’s _lying,_ I know he came here, the amputated man _– “_

“Enough.” The Academic held up his hand, silencing the man. He rounded slowly on Jack, her spine prickling at the look in his eyes. Deadly.

“I will only ask this once more, so think carefully of your answer and what it will mean for your group if you lie. We seek a twenty-year-old man whose right arm is amputated above the elbow. Does he live here?”

Later, Jack wondered how she would have responded if Gavin and Michael hadn’t come back at that exact moment and saved her from answering. She wondered if they would have shot them all on sight had she lied and said no, or if they would have believed her and left. She wondered how much different their lives would have been if she’d just given Michael up. But the others would never know what she would have done, and in a way she was grateful for that. 

Regardless of what it meant for her, though, Michael and Gavin’s reappearance set into motion a catalyst on events that reshaped their whole future. It was hard to decide how much more they might have lost if the circumstances were a little different. 

Jack opened her mouth to respond, not really knowing what she was going to say, when laughter echoed through the trees. Everyone froze, listening. Valiantly, Trevor began to cough to mask the sound, but it was unmistakable.

Urgently, the Academic beckoned to the two Soldiers guarding the door, silently indicated that they move back away from the doors and to the side. They did so, and the Academic turned back to Jack.

“Anyone who speaks will be shot,” he said softly. Jack tightened her jaw and looked right ahead.

The voices got closer, and suddenly they could make out conversation.

“That’s the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard,” she heard Michael say fondly. To her left, she saw some of the Soldiers shift uncomfortably and exchange glances. They seemed – worried. Or upset? It was impossible to tell, because the moment passed as quickly as it begun.

Gavin gave an indignant squawk in response, and Michael laughed.

“Well, you would say that,” he said huffily, “Since you’re a jebby little jeb-pot –“

“No one knows what that means – hey, the gates are open.”

“Why –“

Gavin and Michael emerged through the gates, holding hands but looking confused. Then Gavin saw Jack and the others, guns pointed at them; the Soldiers saw Michael and drew a sharp intake of breath, and Michael saw the members of Haven.

Michael froze. Gavin pulled his hand from Michael’s with lighting-fast swiftness and pulled his rifle from across his back, but the two Soldiers on either side of the door stepped out and levelled their guns against Michael and Gavin’s temples. For a heartbeat, nothing happened. Gavin’s eyes flicked from person to person, knowing his odds were beat but obviously unwilling to drop his gun. Finally, Michael spoke.

“Gavin, go stand with the others,” he said quietly. Gavin flicked his eyes to Michael and was horrified to see his face was completely blank. He raised his hand above his head and looked at the ground as the Soldier next to him came behind him, the gun now in the small of Michael’s back.

“Michael –“

“Please.”

Numbly, Gavin lowered his gun and dropped it; the Soldier quickly picked it up and directed him to the others at gunpoint. He shuffled to his place beside Geoff and Trevor, his eyes never leaving Michael. But Michael would not look up; he just looked at the ground intently.

Everyone was breathlessly silent as the second Soldier moved behind Michael and nudged him forward with his gun in the small of his back. Michael did as directed, never looking at anyone; not the Soldiers or any of the members of Achievement City.

Meanwhile, the Academic had turned away from Jack with an ecstatically hungry look on his face. He was appraising Michael and seemed to like what he saw; he smiled like a shark. Jack felt a tremble of fear, but not for herself – for Michael.

The Soldier stopped Michael in front of the Academic. Jack saw Michael frown slightly, looking at the Academic’s feet, then he slowly began to raise his eyes. As he did, his expression changed from blankness to confusion to shock. His eyes finally settled on the Academic’s face.

“Pro- _professor?_ I thought – you were -”

The Academic smiled, relishing in Michael’s shock. He cleared his throat and drew himself up, ignoring Michael. 

“Michael Jones, Solider 153,” he said, his voice that boomed across Achievement City, “You are accused of the murder by negligence of Academic Mike Walters, the _gross endangerment_ of myself, Head Academic Professor Rolf Hardy, and the theft of precious resources and equipment? Do you plead guilty?”

All air seemed to suck out of the space around Achievement City as its members collectively drew a shocked breath. The Soldiers, too, were holding their breaths, looking at Michael with their guns loose in their hands.

Michael himself stood stock still, coming to several realisations at once. The first was a reliving thought that came to him so casually that it didn’t feel worthy of the months and months of worrying and guilt he’d experienced because of it. 

He obviously had not killed the Professor. And it seemed very unlikely that he had killed Mike, since the Professor was not dead. He nearly sobbed with relief.

The second thought was decidedly more sobering. Something was happening at Haven, something sinister. It didn’t make sense for Haven to pursue someone so relentlessly over the course of many months, especially if they weren’t sure if that person was a zombie or not. The Professor wanted him, for some reason, though Michael felt sure it wasn’t good. 

The last thought he had banished all fear of what they wanted from him.

If he did not go with them, or if he resisted, they would likely kill all the residents of Achievement City. And then they would take him anyway. Looking at the way the Professor was smiling now, Michael knew that was true. 

They would kill Gavin. 

Michael raised his chin high and spoke clearly.

“I do plead guilty.”

The Professor’s grin got wider. He spoke loudly to the Soldiers, cutting off the gasps that circled the city.

“Take him.”

Michael heard Gavin scream his name, but it was cut off. He could see that Geoff and Trevor had grabbed his arms, holding him tightly in place. Michael was grateful for that – he didn’t want the Professor to have any more of a reason to punish Achievement City.

Michael turned around to the Soldier behind him and gave a start. It was James Willems. A quick glance around and he could see Bruce, Adam, Joel, Lawrence, Barbara, Elyse…the Professor had requested all his old workmates to bring him back. It was horribly cruel, but not surprising. 

Numbly, he offered his hand in surrender to James, his mind reeling. James gave him a pained, lip-curled smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“They’ve made you soft here, haven’t they? You know that’s not how we do things.”

Michael flinched, but a second later he dropped his hand and bowed his head. Gavin was frozen, his eyes locked on Michael.

Head down, Michael chanced one last glance at Gavin. Gavin caught his eye for just a second and was horrified to see that he didn’t look frightened or upset. He had a sad, resigned smile on his face. 

A second later, James brought the butt of his gun crashing down on the back of Michael’s head, and Michael’s eyes shuttered closed like a candle petering out.

Gavin screamed again, struggling against Geoff and Trevor’s restraining arms. Geoff seemed to have realised there was nothing they could do to stop Gavin at this point, so he yanked Gavin back by his arms, pulling him back towards the house. Trevor got the picture and pulled him back too, and finally Jeremy joined them, shoving him by the chest as he screamed at the Haven Soldiers. The Professor watched them disinterestedly, but did not stop them.

“I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you if you touch him again! Stop! _Stop!_ MICHAEL! _”_

His screams went unnoticed, though the Haven visitors looked at him with disgust. The Soldiers methodically moved forward, working quickly to bind Michael’s arm and legs and to gag him. Gavin’s last glance of Michael was him being lifted by the back of his shirt like a trussed turkey, unconscious and with blood dripping from his face, as he carried to the car and tossed in the back.

Geoff pulled him back with one last colossal heave through the open door of the lounge room and Trevor tackled him to the floor as he made one last ditch attempt to return outside. With Trevor sitting on his chest and squashing one of his arms underneath him, Geoff used his body to hold down his other arm and to put a hand over his mouth, effectively silencing his screams. Jeremy threw himself onto Gavin’s kicking legs, and just like that Gavin couldn’t fight back. He wouldn’t be able to stop this. He couldn’t stop them taking Michael.

Gavin’s screams subsided into sobs, heaving through his chest and rocking Trevor. Trevor looked stricken, turning to Geoff for support. He was horrified to see Geoff was crying too.

“You have to stop,” he whispered to Gavin, tears rolling down his face. “They think Michael murdered someone. If they – if they think we were harbouring him and we knew what he did, they’ll kill us too.” 

Gavin sobbed harder than ever. The four of them could do nothing as they heard Jack talking smoothly to the Haven people outside. 

“I’m so sorry, we had no idea he was from Haven. I really didn’t think he was the amputee you were looking for,” they heard Jack say, and she truly did sound earnest and sweet.

“Hm,” growled another voice – probably the Professor. “Well. Be warned that Haven does not take kindly to the harbouring of fugitives usually.”

“Yes,” Jack replied, though her voice had a coolness to it now. Geoff could only imagine she was biting her tongue from saying something about Haven having no place governing outside its walls. “I understand.”

Slowly, the voices faded, though Gavin’s sobbing did not. Haven left Achievement City as quickly and clinically as they had come, leaving only a mess of footprints but taking much more.

As the other occupants of Achievement City entered the longue, looking at one another wordlessly, the three men released Gavin. Slowly he pulled himself into a sitting position, his face a mess of tears and dirt. He seemed unable to do much other than to stare at the door.

Standing with one hand on Ryan, who was holding Andy with a shell-shocked look on his face; Jack was the first to speak up. Her eyes sought Gavin’s.

“What the fuck just happened?”


	25. Chapter 25

Tears were still tracking down Gavin’s face. “Why did you stop me?” he whispered hoarsely. “We could have _stopped_ them, and now – now –“ 

“They would have taken us all,” said Ryan roughly, putting Andy on the couch and folding his arms. Andy, unbelievably, had promptly fallen asleep when Ryan had picked her up outside, and continued to sleep through the whole endeavour. Even now, she snoozed on the couch with a half-smile on her face. Gavin envied her. 

Gavin swiped the tears from his face angrily, standing on shaking legs. “Fine, it doesn’t matter,” he said. “Because we’re going after him. Right?” 

He glared at Jack, daring her to defy him. 

“Of course,” Jack whispered. “Of course, Gavin, but –“

“Did he do it?”

Geoff cut in and Gavin’s eyes shot up, furiously. Geoff took no notice. He was looking at Andy, his fingers playing with the fraying of his black jeans. Ryan noticed and took his hand, looking at him. 

“Does it matter?” Gavin asked unevenly.

“Yes, it does,” Geoff said, finally catching Gavin’s eye steadily. “We need to know what we’re getting into here, Gavin. We didn’t even know he was wanted by Haven –“ 

“He’s still family,” Jack argued. “We’re going after him.” 

Gavin heard some of the others murmur in agreement to this, and felt slightly heartened.

“I’m not arguing _against_ bringing him back, but think of _your_ family, Jack!” Geoff said exasperatedly, gesturing to Andy. “We just need to know what _happened_ before we rush into this fight with no information!”

“Every second we talk he gets further away –“ Gavin interjected. 

“We know where Haven is. We know we’re they’re headed. We will have the element of surprise. What did he _do,_ Gavin?!” 

“I – don’t – know!” shouted Gavin, wrapping his arms around himself. “I don’t – “

No one spoke, breaths held. Gavin took a breath himself, eyes closed.

“Before winter,” he finally said. “When Michael ran away – when I found him, a man was threatening him, holding him up. He was saying there was a bounty on Michael’s head for him to be brought back alive to Haven. I got there in time, and I scared the man away…” 

Gavin opened his eyes, full of regret and guilt. 

“The man with the long hair… who was with the Academics… that was the man who threatened Michael. I guess he followed us and saw us go into the woods… he must have gone and got the Haven Soldiers, and brought them back here for the reward…”

“But why did they want him?” pressed Jeremy, now. He looked guiltily at Gavin, but everyone looked at Gavin expectantly, not willing to let this go. Gavin looked up at the ceiling, avoiding catching anyone’s eye.

“He just said he committed a crime,” Gavin said in a rush. “But he didn’t think they would kill him if they found him –“

Gavin paused, realising Michael may have lied to him in that moment. The glances the others exchanged around the room confirmed they thought the same.

“He said he wasn’t ready to talk about it,” said Gavin, softer now. “So I didn’t ask…” 

There was a long silence around the room. Meg broke it by flopping down on the couch and pulling Andy onto her lap, cuddling her close. Trevor slid down the wall to a seated position, and Ryan pulled Geoff into his chest and sighed. 

They all waited for Jack to make her decision.

Gavin watched her pleadingly. Once upon a time Gavin would rather have died than subject his pride to this kind of beating, but he was a different man now. He didn’t care what he had to do to get his Michael back. He would do it.

Jack glanced around the room at the others. The boys – Matt, Jeremy, Trevor – looked guilty and sad. There was a gap between them and Gavin; Michael usually stood in that space. It was funny how, after just a few short months, they looked wrong without him.

Meg and Lindsay were with Andy, who had just woken up. Andy was grinning and making noises, nonsensical ones, and Meg was indulging her with the usual “yeah? Oh, really?” But her smile was tight and faraway, and she kept glancing back to Jack, waiting.

She caught Ryan’s eye last. He looked at her, then looked around, at the couches and the pillows and all the other silly little things that filled this room. Then he looked back to her, a question in his eyes. 

She knew what he meant. If they left – went to Haven, fought for Michael’s freedom – they could never come back. Haven knew where they lived and they would not give up until they had Michael. They would be living on the road again until they could set up a new base, and everything they had done here would begin again. Years and years of hard work… gone. 

But was this more important than a human life? A friend, a member of their family… one of their true loves?

“Pack everything you want to keep,” said Jack, her voice far away. “We leave in an hour.” 

Gavin took off running out the door and the others filed past, looking relieved, and she knew she’d made the right decision.

But Geoff and Ryan fell back and waited for her, looking at her expectantly. Geoff pulled her into a hug and she was gone, crying for their home and the guilt she felt and everything they couldn’t take with them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to give a shout out to new commenter, AlyTyler! Every time I post and get that email notification that someone commented, I'm smiling for the rest of the day. The guys who comment over and over, too - you guys are the best. And lastly, everyone who drops a kudos - thank you so much, too. ❤︎


	26. Chapter 26

It was dank, cold and dark in the room Michael woke up in. Water dripped not only from the many cracks in the ceilings and walls, but also from disused taps and showerheads that lined the walls. Long ago, this room had been a locker room, for students to get changed in before going outside to participate in sports. Now it was Haven’s prison. Michael was its only occupant.

Waking up had been surreal. His head was spinning and he was disorientated, reaching out for Gavin in his sleep before he remembered where he was. He couldn’t move his arms and he opened his eyes with bile in his throat. Blinking in the low light, waiting for his eyes to adjust, he discovered the thick rope that wrapped around his middle, tying his stump to his side and his hand up behind his back. No amount of wiggling would shift the rope.

He waited for his inevitable visitors, too dazed to work out what had happened. Dried blood cracked on his face as he moved, and he felt the familiar trickle of fresh blood down his face when he pushed himself too far. Eventually, he just sat with his back angled against the wall and his knees to his chest, trying not to put too much pressure on his aching arms.

He thought of nothing.

Michael had no idea how much time had passed when he finally heard the door to the locker rooms open. Dully, he watched the door open, and saw two guards on either side of the door – Soldiers he didn’t recognise. He felt an unexpected swell of pity for them, but not as much pity as he felt for himself when he saw who they’d let in.

Anthony Walters. Brother of Mike Walters, who Michael had allegedly killed. And the Commander’s other prized son.

Behind Anthony came six Academics, clad in lab coats and looking at Michael with frank curiosity. Michael tried not to squirm or look away, but it was difficult when you were being regarded like a particularly interesting insect. 

Anthony came to a stop before Michael, his boots slapping together dutifully. Behind him, the Academics ranged out in v-formation, some taking out notepads and beginning to scribble.

“Michael Jones,” drawled Anthony, and Michael gave a start, not expecting Anthony to know his name. His flinch didn’t go amiss.

“Yes, I know your name,” said Anthony, his dark eyes glinting. “As if I could ever forget the name of the man who killed my younger brother? Our dear mother would never let me forget, at least.” 

Michael swallowed but said nothing, eyes flicking to the Academics on either side of Anthony. He felt that same feeling he’d felt when he’d seen the Professor alive – something was happening, something sinister.

Anthony continued on, unabated.

“I can’t wait for my mother to get a hold of you,” he said, with relish. “When she heard what you’d done – to have Professor Hardy and Mike work so hard to save your life, and then you just stole their supplies and left them to make it back on their own… well, there’s been a lot of Soldiers who have come back without their charges, but I think you’re the first Soldier to do that.”

Michael was reeling, his mind trying to envision what Anthony was saying. The Professor and Mike had been alive when he’d left. He thought they had gone onto the roof to kill each other, but it wasn’t the case. They’d been alive. He’d left them to die.

“Mom really cracked down on the training of the other Soldiers after that. Or, rather, I did.”

Michael’s eyes stray to the badge on Anthony’s chest, three swords held aloft. He was still the General of the Soldiers, then. It was a role his mother had given him because he didn’t have the required IQ to be an Academic, but too valued by the Commander to be dispensable. She couldn’t bear to have him lay down his life for the Academics like all the other Soldiers did, so he led the Soldiers instead, safe in the throne-room with his mother. 

And Michael saw again, in his mind’s eye, the looks his fellow Soldiers had given him when they found him in Achievement City. Anger, betrayal, hurt. They had suffered a lot because of him. If he could fit any more guilt into his body, he would.

“We’ve been searching for you,” he carried on. “For nearly a year, but Mother wouldn’t give up, and nor would the Professor. He said he knew you were out there and you had to pay for what you did. And to think we’d find you in that hovel of a place, playing house with a _man_. You really couldn’t have sunk any lower. They didn’t even come after you, that’s the best part! They rolled over and let us take you like you were nothing. Nothing to them, and nothing to us. Some life you’ve led, huh?”

Michael felt his face flush, his cheeks hot and his eyes stinging. He blinked hard, trying not to show that his words had hit him as hard as they did. Finally, he opened his mouth, his voice coming out in a raspy croak.

“Big words,” he said. “From a man who was too stupid to be an Academic, but too privileged to be a Soldier. You don’t belong to either group. You’re in your own subgroup of stupid all by yourself.”

Anthony went red now, his jaw tightening to expose the sharp bones of his cheeks. Michael doubted many people had ever spoken to him like that, least of all a Soldier. Behind him, the Academics exchanged barely-concealed glances, surprised amusement on their faces.

“If it were up to me we’d hang you right now,” said Anthony, carrying on as though Michael had not spoken. The redness to the tips of his ears gave him away, though. “But Professor Hardy wants to run some tests before they do. He has been quite obsessed with finding you. And considering what you put him through, having to make it back to the base alone – well, I’m sure the tests won’t be gentle. I hope so, at least.” 

Michael went cold as Anthony stepped back and clicked his fingers. The door cracked open promptly to reveal a pair of Soldiers waiting to enter.

From there, it became quite clinical. Michael didn’t struggle as they seized him by his forearms and pulled him to his feet, dragging him out of the room. The Academics followed, talking in low voices and scribbling madly away.

Anthony walked in front, head high, like he were the grim reaper leading Michael to the afterlife. Maybe he was.

 

* * *

 

After a few days’ of marching, the trees and asphalt blurred together into a solid mix of greens and blacks. For most of the members of Achievement City, the effect was mind numbing. For Gavin, it had been like that since they set off. He hadn’t seen a thing. He could only think of Michael’s face, his resigned eyes, seconds before they’d taken him. 

It was lucky the others were there, or he’d have gotten lost more time than he could count. He couldn’t concentrate.

Meg led the group confidently, Ryan by her side. Meg had been to Haven before, when she was a trader, and Ryan kept the group safe from bandits. The others trailed behind, carrying their things and weapons and Andy. Everyone was watchful and tense, but Andy looked around at the new world in wonder, having never left Achievement City before. Gavin envied her all over again.

“How much further, Meg?” Gavin called, and the group audibly supressed groans.

“Still two days away, as I told you half an hour ago, Gavin,” replied Meg wearily. Gavin hated that Michael would have been at Haven alone for three days before they could make it there, because of the speed of Haven’s vehicles that gave them a head start. 

Gavin opened his mouth to say something again, but Meg cut him off without looking at him, knowing he was going to say something else.

“We’re going as fast as we can,” she said. “Think of something else for a bit, for god’s sake. Get out of your head.” 

Gavin bit his lip and looked at his feet. They were striding out before him, long, loping steps. He could barely feel how tired he was. How tired they all must be. He just wanted to sleep, Michael in his arms, but there was still so much to do. They didn’t have a plan for what to do when they got to Haven, though he could practically hear the wheels turning in Jack’s head frantically. They needed a master sweep to take down this Professor.

He straightened suddenly, the thought reminding him of what he’d found while clearing out his and Michael’s room. In all his nervousness for Michael, he’d nearly forgotten the worn little diary he’d found wrapped in Michael’s old jacket. Quickly, he’d flipped through it, trying to decide if it was worth bringing. Immediately, a few key phrases jumped out at him – “ _cure…zombie bite…amputation…previous failures…Michael…kill…”_

The book was definitely something important, particularly because Gavin knew Michael could barely read or write. He stuffed it in his bag to take with him, resolving to read it later. 

Now, Gavin pulled his bag round to his front and began to rife through it whilst still walking. Jack watched him with interest behind him, wondering what could have caused his sudden animation. Gavin hadn’t really been an active resident in his body for the last two days, to say the least.

Gavin finally got his hands on the book and he pulled it out enthusiastically, spilling some of his and Michael’s clothes out onto the road. He took no notice as he opened the diary to a well-worn page and began to read, oblivious to the calls of the others that he’d dropped his things.

Jack jogged up beside Gavin, his clothes in her hands. Before she could say anything, however, he gasped, stopped dead in his tracks, and Matt ran into him. 

“Oh – sorry –“ Gavin said distractedly, looking all around him with a bit of a wild expression on his face. Finally, his eyes settled on Jack before him. He looked a little surprised to see her there, considering he’d thought she was behind him not moments ago.

“What is that, Gavin?” asked Jack. By this point everyone had stopped, watching them.

“You need to read this, Jack.”


	27. Chapter 27

It was an odd sensation. He felt as though he were floating, but the world kept slightly tipping, this way and that. Not enough to knock him over, but he felt the rolling all the same, as though he were a little marble in a handheld maze game. That was what it felt like to be in this pure white room, laying on his back and strapped to the table just like when they had amputated his arm. He felt weightlessly numb.

Academics filed in and out of the room, bringing equipment and low voices with them. They looked at him with open curiosity and whispered behind their hands, but so far no one touched him aside from to strap him to this table. Michael paid them no notice, though they were entirely focused on him. He stared at the ceiling, listless. There was nothing to get worked up over, after all. He couldn’t change his situation.

A beat passed and something about the energy of the room changed. The Academics seemed more excited and tense. In spite of himself, Michael lifted his head ever so slightly to see what had happened.

His breath caught in his throat. Professor Hardy was beside him, examining some notes on a clipboard. He looked over Michael to an Academic on his other side, casually requesting the preparation of several needles, ignoring Michael completely. 

He was right there. And Michael couldn’t stop himself from blurting out the thing that had been nestled at the back of his mind since had been captured and spoken to Anthony. Why had he been pursued for so long? How did they know he was alive still? How had the searched for him for a whole year, wasting Soldier resources, when they had no indication that he lived? Why?

“What was this all for?”

Professor Hardy looked up slowly, as though just seeing him. The look he gave Michael sent an involuntary shiver down his back in its parasitic sneer.

“ _What was all this for_?” repeated Hardy. He shook his head, amused. “How stupid a question. Suits you well.”

He looked up from Michael and glanced around the room. “Out,” he said, lazily, carelessly. For a moment that Academics didn’t register what he said, but then he gave an irritable sigh and they hurried for the door, the last one closing it behind them.

A moment passed after they left in silence. Hardy slowly turned to look at Michael, but now, instead of amused or predatory, he looked positively disturbed.

In one swift move, he seized Michael by the hair, pulled his head off the bench and slammed it down again. Michael gasped without meaning to, shocked by the violence more than the pain. It so rarely came from Academics outside of sanctioned whippings. 

Hardy did not let go of his hair. He smacked Michael’s head into the metal once more, the sound ringing out in the room. He leaned close to Michael’s face, his eyes roaming his features almost hungrily.

“I can’t _believe,_ ” he hissed. “That _you’re the cure._ Someone as stupid as _you_ is the cure.” 

Michael stopped breathing as Hardy’s words passed over him like silk.

_Hardy had been pursing him all these months because he thought he was the cure._

Hardy lifted Michael’s head again, hitting it on the table almost absentmindedly. Michael’s ears where ringing, but he listened carefully to Hardy. Hardy wasn’t looking at Michael anymore – he was looking off into the distance, and seemed to have forgotten Michael was there, consumed in his own thoughts as he was. 

“No one has ever survived amputation before, so why you?” said Hardy slowly. “Zombiism passes through the blood too quickly, it can’t be stopped. And yet we’d heard stories that it might, people out in the wasteland who’d magically survived a bite….” 

“So we set up this silly assignment saying we wanted to observe the patterns of zombies, to see if there was any herd mentality that suggested they could be transformed back,” Hardy continued. “But really it was to see if amputation worked. This was our third assignment and they kept giving us less and less Soldiers to take with us, which perhaps was fair, seeing as we rarely brought more than one back with us. I thought perhaps the Commander suspected something, but if she did she never said.”

Hardy sighed, his fingers still in Michael’s hair. Michael hated the intimacy of it, how it reminded him of Gavin’s fingers threaded lovingly in his hair. He wished Hardy would let go, but he was frozen, listening to Hardy’s story.

“We lost the first boy – Shane? – without being able to track the effects – such a waste of a subject – and then you got bitten, and it was perfect; we amputated immediately. And for the first time – we’d lost ten subjects and nothing, but this time – It worked. Three whole days later and nothing. You were unconscious, but alive, and not a zombie.” 

And now Hardy now looked at Michael, and Michael realised that Hardy was absolutely deranged. He was beside himself, almost frothing at the mouth with wanting. He had been consumed by his search for the cure. He would have done anything 

He _had_ done anything.

“Maybe I got a little ahead of myself then,” said Hardy excitedly, “But who wouldn’t? And Mike was so willing, such an eager boy, a bit like his brother, really, not a huge amount of brains, not like me, but a lot of heart…and he volunteered to take some of your blood, to see if he would become immune like you…but it turned out there was still zombie venom in your veins, it just wasn’t affecting you.”

“But it affected Mike, and he began to turn, and I had to kill him, another pity, but it was what had to be done in the name of science. He would have understood.” 

Michael realised his mouth was wide open in horror and he closed it quickly, the Professor’s words spinning through his head. He suddenly understood the words he’d been reading in the Professor’s diary for months, the words he had come to attribute to something that had been his fault.

_"Blood...did-dident...work...on...Mike....to...roof...kill...it’s...over..."_

The blood didn’t work on Mike. The Professor took him to the roof to kill him. The experiment was over.

Hardy continued on, oblivious to the effect he was having on his audience. 

“But then I came downstairs and you were gone,” said Hardy with a sigh, and Michael knew he was drawing to the end of his narrative. “And so was my journal, my precious notes, and weapons and clothes too…I knew you’d left and you weren’t a zombie, but you leaving meant the secret to the cure had left too. We had to find you for the sake of humanity…

“But I couldn’t tell the Commander what had happened to discover that you were the cure, so I had the arrest warrant put out for you blaming you for Mike’s death and the endangerment of my life, and it was perfect, in the end, that Mike had died, because nothing motivated the Commander to find you more than the retribution she sought for his death.”

“And since it is clear you survived the amputation –“ Hardy glanced at Michael’s arm, bound tightly to his chest by thick straps – “now they’ve allowed me to run some tests on you, as anticipated, before your execution. I will have my cure, and the evidence of what I had to do to save the human race will die with you.”

For a moment Hardy straightened, finally letting going of Michael’s hair, and clasped his hands behind his back. It was as though he were imagining a ray of light hitting just him, symbolic of his achievement. 

And then the moment passed, and without another word Hardy returned to the door and knocked on it, and the Academics returned, looking puzzled but refined.

Michael just stared at him, horrified.

“You’re psychotic,” was all he could manage. Hardy concealed a smile. 

“Gag him,” said Hardy silkily to an Academic by his side. “This is going to hurt and we don’t really have enough anaesthetic to be wasting on Soldiers.”

 

* * *

 

 

Michael curled on his side, trying to get comfortable with his arm still bound behind him. His whole body ached, his forearms, hips and the back of his head bleeding freely. After painfully taking copious amounts of his blood and bone marrow, the Academics hadn’t seen any point in bandaging his wounds as he was soon to hang anyway. Now, with his injuries stinging sharply and the cold seeping in from underneath the floor, Michael just wanted to sleep until this was all over. 

As he was finally beginning to drift off, though, he started when he perceived a commotion coming from the other side of his door. Struggling, he pulled himself into a sitting position, leaning against the wall wearily.

The voices were arguing lowly, one cajoling while the other two seemed hesitant. After what felt like an age, the door cracked open and a figure slipped inside, closing the door gently behind him.

“James.”

“Michael,” said James, turning around and wincing rudely at the sight of him. “You look like shit.”

Michael said nothing, glaring at James expectantly. James huffed.

“Oh, you’re going to glare at _me_? After everything you put us through?”

Michael felt guilt bubble in his chest, but refused to let it show. It would do nothing for him now to show remorse, and he didn’t feel bad for leaving anyway.

James scowled. “Unbelievable,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Unbelievable. They started doing public whippings for the littlest offences when you left, did you know that? Bruce got whipped for not bowing low enough to the Commander when she passed. You don’t even care, do you? Too busy hooking up with that pretty boy, huh? Was it worth it, to hurt your friends like this when those people you were staying with haven’t come after you?” 

“Fuck you, James,” asked Michael through gritted teeth. “Did you just come in here to torture me? I’m getting enough of that from the Academics, so don’t worry about going out of your way to do it too.”

James was quiet for a moment, taken aback. Then, unexpectedly, he smiled. 

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you lose your temper,” he said. “Even before you left.” 

Michael kept his jaw set and his expression guarded.

James sighed, his smile fading. Slowly, surprising Michael again, he sat down. 

“Look, I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I shouldn’t have said that shit about the people you were living with and – your boyfriend. It’s just…”

James rubbed his face, and when he took his hands away he looked lost and stressed.

“I just – I wanted to know – what life is like out there,” he said finally, looking at Michael a little pleadingly. 

Michael’s guarded expression fell. He searched James’ face for indication of a set-up, but he saw none. Just open tenseness.

“You’re not supposed to be here, are you?” 

“No,” muttered James, looking down. 

“What’s going on, James?” 

James hesitated. Michael rolled his eyes, indicating to the room with a nod.

“There’s hardly anyone I could tell,” he said dryly. James chuckled weakly.

“I’ve-been-dating-Elyse-secretly,” he said in a rush, looking at Michael anxiously to see how he would react. Michael raised his eyebrows in shock, suddenly understanding his nervousness all at once.

At Haven, the Commander and lead Academics chose partners for everyone, and it was clear that James and Elyse had not been chosen for each other. They would be punished – badly – if they were found out.

“Oh,” said Michael tactfully.

“Yeah,” mumbled James. He looked up, his eyes seeking Michael’s. They looked urgent, frantic. “I guess I just came in here to ask you – I was wondering – what’s life like on the outside? If we were to leave? Is it as barbaric as they say?” 

Michael looked at James, searching to find himself from a year ago. He couldn’t remember feeling the terror James felt now, the worry about the fictitious outside world they’d been fed, but he knew that he must have felt that way too. He felt a pang of pity for James for never having experienced what he had, the multitudes the world had to offer outside of these four walls.

“They’re not,” said Michael softly. “They’re not barbaric at all.”

James let go of the breath he’d been holding, slumping with the weight of the knowledge that his life wasn’t what he thought it was. Michael couldn’t help the moment of tenderness that came next.

“Get out of Haven, James,” he said. “Take Elyse. Jump the wall and run. Keep running till you know they won’t find you. My time out of here was like waking up. Get out of here. Wake up and live.”

James stared at Michael as he glanced into the corner of the room, blinking hard. 

“But look where you are now.” 

Michael laughed in spite of himself, forgetting how blunt James could be. It brought back almost-fond memories.

“I’d do this a million times again for the feeling of being out there, even if only for a little bit.”

James nodded slowly. Finally, he looked at Michael, guilt clouding his face. 

“Michael –“

“Don’t worry about me,” said Michael quickly, already knowing what James was going to say. “It’s too late for me. Just get out of here while you still can.” 

James chewed the inside of his cheek, and Michael shot him a cheeky grin. “You know, tomorrow would be a great time for you to run,” he said with false breeziness. “I heard there’s an execution in the courtyard at 11… nobody will want to miss it.”

But when James slipped out, Michael’s smile and hope went with him.

 

* * *

 

Completely still, Elyse stood in the northern guard tower and gazed out over the sparse woods that surrounded Haven. The only indication that she was not a statue was her head turning slowly to the left and then to the right every minute or so, surveying Haven’s double fence system without really seeing it.

Haven used to be a high school in the early 2000s, and so it had the reinforcements of a prison before Haven even settled there for good. Since settlement, they’d made a few key enforcements – behind the tall, barbed wire fences now stood a second, taller concrete wall as a backup. 

Between the two fences stood four guard towers on each corner of the school, which were accessible by four short bridges from the concrete wall. A Soldier manned each of the guard towers 24/7, and on the days surrounding the full moon the guard was doubled to walk along the wall, too. The Academics had found the zombies more aggressive and persistent on the full moon, though they didn’t know why. It became just another fact of Soldier life – the Academics cursed them with useless knowledge, and then they had to deal with it.

Elyse was so consumed with her thoughts that she didn’t hear someone slip up the steps to the concrete wall and steal into her tower until they were right behind her. She very nearly screamed, too, until she realised it was a very worked-up James.

“James!” she whispered. “What are you doing here?! You don’t have watch tonight – “

“I needed to see you,” said James urgently, also keeping his voice as low as possible.

“James –“ said Elyse, half-admiringly and half-terrified. “They’ll notice you’re gone – they’ll find out about us –“ 

“No, that’s not what I meant,” James said, but he moved closer to her regardless, and she slid into his arms with a question on her face.

“We need to get out of here,” said James. “Tomorrow.”

Elyse jerked back with shock, then froze. James froze too, and both of their eyes focussed on the trees out on the other side of the fence. They’d both heard it. Movement. 

But if it was a zombie, it had only been passing through, because though they both listened breathlessly for a few minutes, they heard no other sound. Eventually, Elyse took a deep breath and turned back to James.

“You want to leave Haven?” she clarified. James nodded, looking at her pleadingly, trying to convey his heart in just a few words.

“Elyse – I don’t want anyone else. I don’t want who the Academics will assign me. And I don’t want to see you with some other guy. I want you, and I can’t have you here. So I want to leave, and I want you to come with me.”

“But – the outside isn’t safe –“

“We’re Soldiers, Elyse. We can protect ourselves. We can protect each other.” 

“The others – Bruce, Adam, Lawrence, Barbara –“

“I’ve tried to talk to them,” said James gently. “I didn’t tell them about us, but I asked if they would ever think about leaving… they’re not going, Elyse.”

Elyse nodded slowly, blinking hard. “Okay,” she said, her voice crackly. “Okay. I’ll go with you.” 

A smile broke across James’ face, and he pulled Elyse into his arms again. “Really?!”

“Oh course,” said Elyse, smacking him lightly. “What you said… I feel the same. I can’t imagine being with anyone else. I want you.”

For a few moments, James held Elyse against his chest, wondering how he could have gotten so lucky. Their perfect future was within his grasp.

“So why tomorrow?” said Elyse, muffled against his chest. “Why not now?”

“I need to go steal some supplies,” said James. “Guns, food. I’ll do that tonight. Then – you have wall watch for the east tower from 10am onwards, right? – I’ve taken Rob’s wall watch for the south tower at the same time. Michael is being executed tomorrow at 11, so it’ll be the perfect time to run –" 

James’ head whipped up, as did Elyse’s. There was no mistaking the strangled gasp that came from the trees. There was someone out there. 

Rustling followed the gasp, and the sound moved away, out into the woods. 

“That was human,” said Elyse slowly. “There’s no way that was a zombie.”

James stared out into the woods, the wheels slowly turning in his head.

“I think I know who it is. We need to go check it out.”

“James, no, it’s too dangerous,” said Elyse urgently. “I can’t leave my post –“

“No-one will check this tower for the next couple of hours. Trust me.”

Elyse paused, then reached over the side of the tower and lowered the rope ladder down over the other side of the fence. Elyse went first as James used her rifle to cover her, then dropped the rifle down to her so she could do the same to him. At the bottom of the ladder James drew his knife, then nodded to Elyse. She looked at him searchingly, then quickly leant in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. 

Heart hammering as it always did when he was with Elyse; James strode into the woods feeling braver than he had a moment before. 

They had walked less than 200 metres, moving stealthily and holding their weapons before them, when it happened. The loading of a shotgun echoed in the small clearing of trees James and Elyse had walked into, and the dark shapes that had previously appeared to be brush and shrubs seemed to morph impossibly into people. In total, 9 people slinked from the bushes, all holding weapons of some kind (apart from one, who held a sleeping child).

James found a gun placed against his head by the big, sandy-haired man who he’d seen holding the aforementioned child at the camp they had found Michael. He tried not looked scared. He wasn’t _surprised_ ; this was exactly who he expected to be here. He was a little worried, though, that they’d shoot first and ask questions later. They seemed like the type.

Elyse lowered her gun to the ground and held her hands up as two men standing around her gestured for her to do so. She looked unsurprised as well but glanced at James repeatedly, clearly waiting for him to unveil whatever plan he had confidently sounded like he had.

 Before he could talk, though, the big one clenched his jaw and looked back at the others emerging from the bushes. 

“Damnit, Gavin,” he hissed. “ _Damn_ it. You just couldn’t be quiet for five seconds, could you? Now what?!” 

The one he was speaking to was ashen-faced, but as the big one spoke to him, he seemed to return to his body. He strode up to James, nearly shoving the big one aside.

“ _Tomorrow?_ ” he said in a high-pitched, horrified voice. “You’re executing him _tomorrow?_ ”

James realised that this Gavin was who he’d heard gasp in the bushes. He also recognised him, close-up, as the person Michael had been holding hands with when he came into the camp. His partner, then.

Gavin seemed to take James’ silence as confirmation and he turned away, a shaking hand over his mouth. The big one threatening James grumbled, looking with indecision to a woman behind him, who had placed a bracing hand on Gavin’s shoulder. James recognised her as the apparent leader of the place Michael had been staying; the one who had spoken to Professor Hardy so coolly and without an ounce of fear. 

“We’ll work it out,” she said soothingly. “We’ll work out what to do…” 

“Never mind _that_ for a second,” said the big one. “What are we supposed to do with these two? It’ll be suspicious if they don’t come back, but we can’t let them tell them we’re out here! Damn it –“ 

“They’re planning on leaving, though,” said another one of the women, one with glasses and red hair. “You heard them just as well as I did. They don’t want to be a part of Haven.”

James finally found his voice as the curious men and women of Michael’s found family turned to him thoughtfully.

“You heard right,” he said hesitantly. “We were planning on leaving.”

“Yeah, we heard you,” spat Gavin, striding up to James once more to get in his face. “You were going to use Michael’s execution as a distraction so you could get some alone time with your girlfriend. And you think _we’re_ feral –“

James blinked slowly. “Michael was my friend too,” he said, his voice lower than he thought it would be. “He was _our_ friend. But – I can’t go against them. The whole of Haven, I mean. I’m just one person. And he – he was the one who suggested I use his execution to take Elyse and run. He said – leaving Haven was like waking up for the first time. He said he wanted us to experience that. I wanted to save him - but...” 

Gavin’s face coloured from shock to anger in a few precious seconds and he raised a hand to his face again, but this time it was clenched in a fist.

“Un – be – liveable,” he all-but snarled. “He’s doing it _again.”_

The big one sighed too, rolling his eyes to the trees above him. “Classic Michael,” he muttered.

“Are you breaking him out?” Elyse blurted out. All the people in Achievement City turned to Elyse, James included. She blushed, and even in this time of crisis James found it so endearingly cute. She was embarrassed to be the centre of attention. 

“It’s just – he was – _is_ – our friend, too. Since we were kids. I – I don’t want to leave if we can do something to save him.”

She looked at James pleadingly. James chewed his cheek.

“I don’t want to leave him here either, Elyse,” whispered James. “I – I just don’t know what to do.”

The woman who clearly led this group finally stepped forward, her face set.

“Luckily, we do,” she said authoritatively. She pointed to Elyse and James. “And now we have our way in. With this and the Professor’s book, we might really have a chance. Let them go. We have some planning to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ho boy. I'm so sorry guys. Honestly, it feels like only two or three days have passed, and then I check the last upload date and it's been over two weeks. And I promised I would upload every three or four days, I think. I'm sorry - I've uploaded a double-long chapter to hopefully make up for it. 
> 
> I would also just like to thank two new commenters - ApolloisSilent and Doctor Winchester Holmes! It's so incredibly day-brightening to see new people are reading this story and enjoying it. And especially hyping me up too!


	28. Chapter 28

Three hundred eyes followed Michael coolly as he was shuffled out onto the football pitch. Academics and Soldiers sat in the bleachers, neatly separated with the Academics up front and the Soldiers and Workers at the back.

They looked out towards two short wooden stages. On the first dais sat the Commander in an antique, regal chair. Standing on either side of her was her son, Anthony, and Professor Hardy. On the second platform that theirs faced, at a slight angle, was a stand with a noose attached. 

They didn’t waste bullets on traitors. 

Michael made no effort to walk quickly, in spite of the Soldiers shoving him impatiently. He ached all over from the Academics’ experiments, followed by a long and violent visit from several Soldiers to his cell last night after James. They’d made it clear that they blamed him for the intensity in conditions for Soldiers, as well as general loathing directed towards him because of his leaving Haven. 

Because of this, he was bruised all over and had a few broken fingers here, a shattered rib or two there. Not to mention the deep bone-tiredness he felt from the blood loss and bone marrow biopsies, and the thick, heavy ropes that bound his upper arms and his hand to his body. 

Still, it didn’t really matter how much it hurt, he found himself thinking. It simply was a factor to hinder his walking speed.

The crowd in the bleachers shouted and jeered, but their words fell on deaf ears. Michael was a million miles away. He was thinking of happier times at his home in Achievement City, where the crowd’s voices could not reach him.

Across Haven, a dozen unseen eyes followed him too, their hearts in their throats. Under the unemployed bleachers on the opposite side of the football field, Gavin’s eyes followed Michael’s ascent onto the dais. Only Trevor and Matt’s steadying hands held him in his place. 

Seeing Michael look so beaten – both physically and mentally, it seemed – was almost more than he could bear. But Trevor hurriedly whispered in his ear, reminding him of the plan, and he stayed still, even as Michael ascended the dais and allowed a Soldier slip a noose round his neck. Gavin felt a horrible lump in his throat just looking at Michael. His face was so _blank._

As Michael took the stage, the sounds in the stands cut off as quickly as a switch being flicked. The heads of the crowd turned in unison to the Commander’s dais, waiting for her to speak. Gavin felt a shiver run up his back at the eeriness of it and he began to jiggle his leg subconsciously, eyes flicking about. _Where were Elyse and James? Did they back out of the plan?_

The Commander stood slowly, leisurely. Imperiously, she looked to her left and right, to Professor Hardy and her son. Turning back with a private smile, her eyes slid over Michael without looking at him, and she turned her back on him in favour of looking to the crowd. Michael did not react.

“The pillars of our society, that which sets us apart from the undignified savages on the outside,” she began, her voice emanating a distinct twang that neither of her sons had, “Is that of the Soldiers, Workers, and most importantly Academics system. We hold this system in place at Haven for the goal of eventually finding a cure, and every day the smartest minds in the world that are convened here get one step closer to realising this goal.”

She nodded impressively to the Academics in the bleachers, her voice beginning to spike with a passionate crescendo.

“But with tough consequences on the outside for failure, we must apply tough consequences on the inside for ourselves, lest we find our security measures too lax when it is too late. For this reason, we impose the death penalty on Soldiers who do not successfully protect their Academic charges, and it is for this reason that Solider 153, Michael Jones, stands before you today, having plead guilty to the death of his charge, Mike Walters.” 

She jaw was set in a hard line as she pointed back at Michael, still without looking at him. She jabbed her finger at him to accentuate each point she made.

“However, this is not his only crime. After witnessing the death of _my son_ , he then ran from battle and left Head Academic Rolf Hardy to fend for himself in the wasteland. His actions could have cost our civilisation the loss of years of knowledge towards the cure had Professor Hardy been unable to make the journey home safely on his own.”

Finally, she turned slowly to Michael, her lip curled with hatred. Michael had been making a concentrated effort not to listen but with her eyes sweeping him like that, he couldn’t help but hear what she said next, or the shiver that ran involuntarily up his spine.

“But perhaps his greatest crime,” she said, her voice low but carrying in the stillness of the day, “Could be brought down to one word: cowardice. To fail to protect his charges shows a lack of training and commitment to one’s role, but worst of all, perhaps, is to run in fear from that which exists outside the wall.” 

She turned back to the crowd, seemingly satisfied with the verbal slap she had delivered Michael. Michael seemed to slump slightly, his neck pressed hard against the currently loose rope wrapped around his neck. He seemed to be having trouble finding the energy to hold his body up. Gavin looked frantically back at Trevor and Matt and found they, too, were looking around anxiously. The speech was coming to an end, but where were James and Elyse? 

_There._

From behind the bleachers, four Soldiers emerged, the two leading clearly James and Elyse. The two behind kept their heads down and hats drawn low over their foreheads. They walked purposefully to the dais the Commander stood on as she finished addressing the crowd.

“Such cowardice I do not see anywhere among your ranks,” she began, but paused as Elyse and the other two Soldiers hung back as James quickly ascended the dais. He bowed to the Commander and then to Professor Hardy before approaching Anthony Walters and whispering something urgently in his ear. Anthony listened, his eyebrows rising steadily.

“It seems there is a situation on the wall,” he said lowly to his mother, though the crowd had fallen so silent that his voice carried easily. “Potential intruders.”

“As expected. Deal with it now,” she said, a dismissive wave of her hand. Anthony nodded, though he glanced over to Michael with an almost longing look, before he snapped his fingers to James to lead him to the commotion he spoke of. 

The Commander waited a moment for her son to descend the dais, passing in front of the crowd as Elyse and James led him and the two other Soldiers flanked him. The crowd, for the first time, had lost their rapt attention of the Commander, and were whispering urgently among themselves.

“I will not allow Michael Jones to live and plant the seeds of such cowardice within your ranks,” she boomed, her eyes skewering the crowd. “You are strong, the chosen men and women who will protect the brains that will see us retake this earth once more. Michael Jones is not.” 

“Mother, stop.”

The Commander lifted an eyebrow, turning to regard the carrying voice of her son across the football pitch, but the reprimand for her interruption died in her throat.

Anthony stood some 60 feet from her, standing stock-still with his hands raised above his head. In a perfect square around him, the four Soldiers that accompanied him now had their respective guns levelled with his head.

One stepped forward, lowering their gun and removing their hat to reveal bright, red hair. 

“That’s quite enough from you, I think,” said Jack coolly.

The crowd seemed frozen in shock. The Commander lifted her hands to her mouth. Beside her, Professor Hardy stood.

“ _You,_ ” he snarled.

On the stand, Michael struggled to raise his head, barely daring to believe that he had heard Jack’s voice. “ _Jack,_ ” he croaked weakly, his legs trembling beneath him. “Jack –“

“I’ll cut to the chase,” said Jack smoothly, her voice carrying easily. “We will be taking Michael Jones from you. You will not pursue us. If any member of my team is harmed as we exit, we will kill your son.”

The Commander lowered her hands slowly, her face set in hard, angry lines. “Four of you,” she said, her voice coming out in short, angry breaths. “Four of you, and you think you can take the might of Haven? My Soldiers will take you out before you can even _think –“_

“Yes, I’m sure you can,” interrupted Jack, still seeming entirely unperturbed. “But not before one of us kills your son on the way down. Believe me when I say that if we go down, we will be taking him with us. And if I understand correctly, you don’t have many more children do be gambling with, do you?”

The Commander was white with fury, the red of her clenched knuckles the only colour left in her body. She stood on the balls of her feet, speechless with anger. The people in the stands had their heads turned uncertainly to the Commander, waiting to hear what to do. 

“You can’t threaten us –“ she began, but Jack interrupted easily.

“Can’t I?” she said sharply, then looked to the wall. She pointed, and everyone’s heads turned obediently to follow her finger.

“She’s pointing now,” said Lindsay to Geoff, her eye trained on Jack through the scope of her gun. 

“Shit, so fast?”

Geoff hastily turned back from the unconscious guard he was tightly binding to the guard-post. From where they stood atop the walls of Haven, they could just see the other three guards they had stealthily taken out, bound and gagged to their respective posts. Geoff dived in his pocket and produced a small mirror, which he slowly turned to the light, easing it back and forth to the rising sun.

Atop the wall beside the eastern guard tower, a pinprick light began to flash, deliberately and with purpose. A gasp rippled through the crowd.

“I’m sure you remember that I wasn’t alone when you came for Michael,” said Jack. “My family – _Michael’s_ family – is out there, in and around Haven right now. Two of our members are atop your wall, and if anything happens to us, they will signal to the rest of our members, who have set up a bomb to blow up your front door and let the zombies in. And there will be more zombies than you can handle, because _another_ two of our members are currently on mini-bikes, leading a nice-sized horde around Haven, just waiting for us to give the word.” 

Shock seemed to have iced over the crowd, Michael included. While Jack let the crowd simmer for a moment, Meg had removed her Soldier hat and let her purple hair fall around her face. She was looking anxiously from James and Elyse to Jack to Michael, and she seemed to be repeatedly stopping herself from running over to Michael to let him down.

“I will kill everyone here if I have to,” said Jack, her voice hard. “But one way or another, Michael Jones is leaving here alive. What will it be, Commander?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I'm correct, there are just four chapters left after this one....! As always, I have to dedicate this chapter to two of my new commentors - TheDothrookie and Celexa! Thank you both, your comments were so lovely and meant a lot to me. I know the end of this story has been a long time coming and boy howdy I wrote A LOT, so thank you to everyone who kept their patience and stuck around, as well as the crazy amount of people who binged this all in one go!!! Love you all, and everyone dropping kudos too.


	29. Chapter 29

A laugh burst out unnaturally in the silence, and Jack raised an eyebrow coolly. The laugh came from the Commander herself, but it sounded forced out, like she had bitten the laugh from a sound she wasn’t expecting.

“You won’t do it,” said the Commander, her voice high, its twang sharper than ever. “You’re a mother, like me. There are children here. You will not put the children of Haven at risk –“

Jack laughed, now. “Please,” she said. “I am no poor Haven woman brainwashed to think children and child rearing is all there is to life. I don’t care about the people who live here; I care about my family, one of who currently stands with your rope around his neck. I will kill everyone in here to get him back, just as you throw Soldier after Soldier in front of you to protect yourself and your son.”

“Because that’s how it works here, isn’t it?” Jack finally looked up to the people in the bleachers, her eyes glazing over the Academics at the front to settle on the Soldiers and Workers at the back. “Outside of these walls people protect each other, but here in Haven you protect yourselves with the bodies of children raised to not know any better. And _we_ are supposed to be the savage ones. No, I do not care for your people. I care for my own. Now return him to me.”

The Commander tensed as the crowd began to rumble with Jack’s words, glancing at one another uneasily. 

“No,” the Commander hissed suddenly. “You can’t do this – you’re surrounded –“

Jack scoffed, her eyes narrowing angrily. “Not for long,” she said. “Not when your people hear what I have to say.”

Jack leisurely held her hand up behind her, and Meg, who had been riffling covertly through her pockets while Jack was speaking, produced a small bound tome and placed it in Jack’s hand.

“Does anyone know,” said Jack loudly, addressing the crowd and holding the book high for everyone to see, “What this is?”

The crowd, already murmuring, picked up in tempo.

“You.” Jack pointed her gun casually and an Academic in the front row, who was whispering furiously to everyone within five feet of him. He hushed as Jack pointed. “Tell the crowd.”

“That’s Professor Hardy’s notebook,” the man said hesitantly. “I – it’s been a while since a last since it, but I recognise the binding.” 

“Well then –“

“Stop!”

Everyone’s heads whipped from Jack to the podium as the Professor himself shouted out, like a bunch of people adamantly watching a tennis match. 

“Just what do you think you’re doing?” Professor Hardy was breathing fast, his eyes flicking about. He turned to the Commander. “This has gone on quite long enough – give the order – do _something_ –“

With an audible clicking noise, James released the safety from his pistol, his eyes coolly regarding the Professor. A beat later, Elyse and Meg followed suit, all of their guns trained on Anthony. A beat after that and Jack raised her gun to the Professor and did the same. The Professor swallowed hard and spoke no more.

“You again.” Her pistol swung over to the man in the crowd again, who gave a little ‘ _eep!_ ’. “Can you read?" 

“Y-yes?”

“Well, front and centre then, good man.” 

The man was waved to his feet by Jack’s gesturing gun, and he walked to the centre of the field, nervously smoothing his white coat.

“Take this. I want you to read from that page that’s dog-eared – yes, from there. That paragraph.”

The man scanned the book, his eyes widening as he read. “This isn’t –“ he began, turning to Jack.

“You tell me. Is that not your Professor’s handwriting? Is this not his notes journal?”

The unlucky Academic flicked through the notebook quickly, sweat gathering steadily on his brow. “It is,” he murmured, and his eyes finally flicked to the Professor uncertainly.

Jack tapped her gun firmly against the book, making the Academic jump. “Then read it,” she said. “Out loud.”

“Kevin, I forbid you –“ began the Professor from the stage, taking a step down the dais.

A shot rang out, and for a moment the world was chaos and screams. But as the panic died down and the Professor cowered, Jack lowered her smoking gun from the sky.

“Not – another – word,” she hissed. “You. _Read it.”_

The man – Kevin – began immediately, no doubt spurred on by the smoking gun just below his chin.

“Third of August. This trip's first attempt to have one of the Soldiers bitten was a miserable failure. The boy was taken body and all. Unable to salvage any part of the body for our experiments. Mike and I will try again tomorrow with the other Soldier. 

“Fourth of August. Much greater success today. Mike was able to push the second Soldier – conveniently called Michael, much easier to remember – in front of zombie, and Soldier only had his arm bitten. We were able to return to the base in just five minutes. Tourniquet applied at this point. Soldier injected with painkillers, but could not wait till they kicked in to begin amputation, so began amputation immediately after. Boy struggled and screamed for a while and made the amputation a very uneven job. He passed out a minute or so later. It has now been five hours since the amputation and Soldier is miraculously stable. Previous experiments have seen the Soldiers become zombies well before this point. I had nearly given up hope, but this Soldier clings to life adamantly. Mike and I still have maintained a steady gun trained on him, but – I almost have reason to hope.

“Fifth of August.” 

As Kevin read on, the words in the diary seemed to be having a discernable effect on Professor Hardy. He was breathing hard and looking around quickly. There didn’t appear to be an escape route. All around, Academics, Soldiers and Workers alike were looking at him with disbelieving looks on their faces, steadily becoming hostile. 

“It has been more than ten hours now, and the Soldier lives on, no sign of zombiism at all. It is time for the test – we need to see if the zombie virus is still in his blood, or if he has negated it. I casually suggested it to Mike and he agreed immediately, such as the good scientific mind he is. We will inject some of the Soldier’s blood into him now. If this has worked – and he is not a zombie – then Mike will not be turned. If not – well.”

Kevin held the book closer to his face, eyes squinting to read the slightly more scrabbled handwriting the end of the page.

“The last entry,” he said, almost as though he was enjoying the drama. “Reads, ‘the blood didn’t work on Mike. I’m taking him to the roof to kill him. He’s turning. It over. The experiment was a dismal failure. How the Soldier seems fine is beyond me. Mike is succumbing to zombiism as I write. I must go.’”

When Kevin finished, the crowd broke like a dam. There were shouts from the Academics and Soldiers alike, but a few voices shattered through the din. 

“It’s barbaric –“

“Hang the Professor!”

“Does this mean Michael Jones is the cure?” 

The crowd silenced suddenly as a woman in her late forties stood, her sharp voice carrying. She pointed at Michael, who was blinking rapidly on the hangman’s stage, seemingly trying his best to stay conscious.

Professor Hardy, who had been cowering to this point, stood straight. “Yes,” he said, encouraged by the direction the crowd’s questioning was going and stoutly ignoring the frozen Commander to his left. “I believe he is. In the interest of – ah – _confidentiality_ , regarding the way I obtained the results, I covertly took blood and bone marrow from Jones, which can potentially be used to replicate his immunity to the disease. He certainly has not succumbed in the year since his amputation –“

“Will injection with his blood require amputation also?” shouted another Academic. 

“I shouldn’t think so,” replied the Professor, rubbing his face thoughtfully. “We will need to be very careful with the ratio – I was potentially a little heavy-handed with Mike in my excitement –“

A shrill voice bit through the Professor’s words, putting a stop to his scientific musings.

“Why is the argument still about Michael?” shouted a blonde Soldier at the back suddenly. “Why are we not talking about what the Professor did? To Sean, and Michael, and Mike - and god knows who else?” 

The Academics at the back turned to look at the woman who had spoken, their eyes already full of disdain for speaking out of turn. Looking back, though, revealed that the Soldiers at the back weren’t nearly as bright-eyed and excited as the Academics at the idea of a cure. They looked angry and horrified. 

“He used Soldiers like guinea pigs,” the woman said again, shaking. “And – and you’re _rewarding_ him for it? Is this how you want to find the cure? Is –“

“Shut up,” hissed a male Academic. “It is not your place to speak –“

“It’s never our place to speak!” shrieked another Soldier suddenly, his cheeks coming up in red patches. “We are quiet and we follow commands and we fight for everyone at Haven, but we never – we’re not _sacrifices_ – “

“This is not about _you,_ this is about the cure –“ 

“It is about us! It’s about us as long as Michael Jones stands up there for a crime he didn’t commit – _Professor Hardy_ murdered Mike, not Michael! – “

“That silly boy could be our last chance of survival –“

As the crowd turned on each other, shouting indiscriminately, Jack smiled. Over on the dais, the Commander caught her eye, still shell-shocked. She took in Jack’s expression and her face began to twist in fury. Jack shrugged easily and lifted a hand to the sky, her middle finger pointed upwards. 

“That’s the signal!” called Lindsay to Geoff, on the wall of Haven. Geoff nodded and turned his mirror again, this time to angle the light on the other side of the wall. 

A moment passed, and then a second. The Commander was still looking at Jack.

“This _chaos –_ “ began the Commander, her voice barely heard. “It’s not going to –“

Then a truly fierce explosion rocked the compound, and if the arguing had been chaos before, then utter pandemonium broke out now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enormous shout out to two new commenters, Nonbinaryvamp and Andrew Michael Baier! Thanks for your words. I'll be honest, I had every chapter bar the last two done when I started posting this story, and it's taken me this whole time to finish those last two chapters. But reading everyone's comments really encourages me to keep going. I can't wait to post the final chapter. Hopefully not as disappointing as GoT. That might be my biggest fear. But GoT was like the pinnacle of disappointing so I couldn't top that, could I? Anyway, I'm rambling. Thanks for your Kudos, too!


	30. Chapter 30

It was almost comical, Michael thought, how someone who barely knew him at all could drill down to his deepest insecurities with just a glance. He was resolved when he came out to die. He was in pain, certainly, but he wasn’t totally broken. He had made his peace with what was about to happen, and he was determined to think of happier things instead, to spend his last moments mentally in Achievement City.

But the Commander’s voice was so loud, so sharp and inescapable. And when she’d said it – _cowardice_ – he’d felt the word deep in his heart, and something in him just _broke._ He lost his will. Of course, he’d already lost his will to _fight_ or to _hope_ , but this felt more intrinsic. He lost his will to resist – the pain of everything he’d experienced so far or what he was about to experience now. Physically, psychologically. He lost his will.

And then, just as he was about to be put out of his misery, Jack was there. Meg was with her, and James and Elyse were helping. They were threatening Anthony, and the Commander, and the Professor, and everyone in Haven, really.

Michael thought he might have spoken aloud at that point, though he wasn’t sure what he said. A warning to Jack, maybe, or an anxious plea for her to come get him. Or perhaps it was neither, or a little bit of both.

 _Get out of here,_ part of him screamed. _Save me before I break,_ howled another. 

Michael lost track of what was happening for a while, focussing simply on staying awake and upright. Several times a dark rim around his vision threatened to overtake, but he fought it back desperately.

At some point, the noise around him began to build and build. Snatches of shouts broke through, but he couldn’t make sense of them.

But just as his legs threatened to fail him, a noise so loud overtook everything else, and for a moment the world was white by the strength of that sound. When his other senses returned to him, he found he had stumbled backwards in his shock and slipped to his knees. In other words, he had somehow managed to begin hanging himself.

He began to gather the strength to stand again – he was very aware of his own gasping breath, but the sheer volume of blood and bone marrow the Academics had taken left him quite numb and incredibly weak – when suddenly, two hands seized his sides and dragged him to his feet. Blinking up, the world was _purple purple purple_ and sound returned like a wave crashing, and he could hear himself gasping.

“Meg – Meg –“

“I’ve got you,” wheezed Meg, her purple hair blowing around her face like a tornado as she struggled to hold him and wrestle the tight noose from his neck. “Michael – oh –“

Michael tried his best to help, but his legs were like jelly and he could no sooner put his weight on them than he could give someone a high-ten. Instead, his eyes flicked about, trying to make sense of the disorder before him. 

Soldiers, Workers and Academics alike were scattering in all directions. He watched as some Soldiers sped to the wall, shouting to one another. Meanwhile, the Workers and Academics seemed to be seeking cover, their eyes dancing madly about in terror as they dove for cover. For some bewildering reason, though, several Academics and Soldiers weren’t running at all. They remained in the bleachers, still shouting at one another, seemingly oblivious to the smoke-filled turmoil around them.

“What –“ Michael tried, as Meg’s fingers scrabbled at his neck.

“There’s not really any zombies coming in,” she said hastily, misunderstanding him. “Ryan and Jeremy just blew the doors for the distraction and mayhem so we can escape – oh, Michael, we have to _go_ – “

“ _Michael_!”

Michael felt Gavin well before he saw him. As if his mind were on a five-second lag, he saw Gavin running in slow motion across the pitch – dodging and weaving expertly between the fleeing Workers and Academics, Trevor and Matt in breathless pursuit. Gavin leapt onto the platform and seized Michael bodily around the waist, easily taking his weight from Meg.

Then he was _there,_ and they were face to face. Gavin simply looked into his eyes, and Michael into Gavin’s, and Gavin’s eyes welled up with tears and he pulled Michael into a hug. Michael tried to return the hug as best he could with his arms still tied behind his back; closing his eyes, he sunk into Gavin’s arms and broke just a little bit more as he realised what had truly been torturing him these last couple of days. 

“I didn’t think you’d come.”

Michael felt Gavin’s breath stutter against his chest. Then, renewed, it broke into sobs.

“I’ll always come,” Gavin cried in his ear. “Always, always –“

With a final tug that pulled Michael’s breath from his throat, Meg succeeded in yanking the noose from Michael’s neck. The rope essentially pushed Gavin’s face from his, and in the moment of separation Trevor and Matt swooped in.

“So glad you’re alive –“ said Trevor hurriedly, as Matt gave him a heavy pat on the shoulder and moved behind him with a knife. “We have to get out of here, though –“

Matt made quick work of Michael’s bonds, sawing through them with nervous intensity. Gavin still had not released Michael, and for that he was grateful, because he still didn’t quite have the energy to stand. Trevor and Meg stood side-by-side, their eyes focused on the bedlam before them.

“Oh – fuck –“ Michael heard Meg say. “Should we help…?" 

“No, she’s winning. Remember the plan. She’ll get out,” said Trevor quickly, turning back to Michael and Gavin. “Are we good to go?”

“Done,” Matt said, looping the last rope from around Michael’s torso. 

“Good,” said Gavin, sounding relieved. He had spent the last few moments just staring at Michael hungrily, reminding Michael very acutely of his first month in Achievement City. “Can you walk?” 

“Er –“

“I got ‘im,” said Trevor, slinging his gun over his shoulder and wrapping his arm around Michael’s waist. Gavin pulled his hand over his shoulder, lacing their fingers together at his shoulder. Just then, a gunshot rang out, echoing across the field infinitely, and the screaming renewed.

“What was that?!” gasped Matt, as Trevor and Gavin began to help Michael down the steps of the dais more promptly than before.

“That Haven girl – Elyse? – she shot the Commander’s son,” said Meg, sounding shocked and amused. “In –“

“Ok, no time,” interrupted Gavin. “C’mon, c’mon –“

The five began to make their way across Haven, Meg and Matt flanking with their guns drawn. Though a few members of Haven clocked them leaving, they seemed to think better than stopping them. The Academics took their guns into stock and kept running; the Soldiers looked at Michael, their faces troubled, and moved on. In this way they made their way slowly through the destroyed Haven gates and out the front. 

Outside, a few Soldiers ran the perimeter of the fence. Even as they hobbled out, though, two Soldiers shoved past them and ran straight out, disappearing into the trees without another word.

“Are – people escaping?” asked Michael slowly. The others looked to him, equally stunned.

“Some speech Jack gave,” said Meg. Everyone nodded fervently, then they began to turn to the right of the wall, seemingly all very clear on where it was they were going. 

Just then, a sharp scream torn from the woods. Without missing a beat, Meg and Matt cocked their weapons, and Trevor released Michael to Gavin’s arms to draw his weapons too. Gavin, one-handed, drew a pistol from his hip. The scream continued, unbroken, all the while. Then, as suddenly as it started, it cut off. 

Trevor began pushing Michael and Gavin in the direction they were heading, his back to them. “Let’s move,” he said. “Quickly –“

A zombie exploded from the trees, cutting him off. Meg and Matt gunned it down hastily, but a second followed it, and a third, and a fourth. Meg, Matt and Trevor fanned out with practised ease, putting themselves between the zombies and their friends. Gavin pulled Michael between Meg and Matt and took several shots with the others; for a moment there was only gunfire and howls.

“Go ahead!” shouted Meg, her eyes never leaving the zombies as more appeared from the trees. A few bore the tell-tale signs of a recent meal, blood and gore down their fronts.

 “We can’t –“ shouted Gavin back.

“You and Michael are going slowly, we’ll catch up in a second! We just need to get out of here!” 

Gavin opened his mouth, then seemed to think better of it. Hoisting Michael’s arm more securely over his shoulder and holstering his weapon loosely, they began to hobble off. It was strange for Michael, he thought sluggishly, that he could turn his back on a horde of zombies and not be worried of their teeth in his neck a second after he turned away. Yet knowing that Trevor, Matt and Meg were holding them off was enough for him.

Clearly, it was enough for Gavin too. “You better be at the meeting spot in ten minutes!” he shouted back to them. The zombies’ howls were louder than ever, but the others were holding them back easily.

Gavin took Michael and, skirting along the wall, they disappeared into the forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take a shot for every time I used the word chaos or a synonym of it in these last couple of chapters


	31. Chapter 31

Michael half-expected the zombies to turn and pursue them into the forest, but they seemed more than preoccupied by the others. Gavin helped him walk with fierce determination, his eyes trained tightly on the woods around them and his gun cocked in his spare hand. Michael didn’t dare say a word, intense as his concentration was. 

Five minutes later, they broke into a clearing. The clearing was butted against a rocky bluff that extended some 50 feet above, and a thin river trickled alongside the farthest end of the rock face before petering off into the woods. It was now that Michael realised how much Gavin was truly struggling as he breathed a sigh of relief, helped Michael over to the wall and eased him down. Gavin flopped down beside him, their backs to the wall.

Gavin took a moment to close his eyes, but his relaxation was short-lived. His eyes flew open again a second later and he looked around the clearing worriedly before turning to Michael.

“First ones here,” said Gavin, his voice full of false confidence. “I – well, I thought Jeremy and Ryan and Andy would definitely be here, but – anyway.”

He knelt beside Michael, holstering his gun. Fluidly he pulled his bag off his back and carefully laid his bow and quiver beside him. From his pack he withdrew several bandages and a canteen of water, which he offered to Michael. Michael drank from it gratefully.

“You came.” Michael lowered the water bottle, watching Gavin equally as greedily. He couldn’t get enough of his face. “How?”

“I thought you were about to ask me _why,_ ” Gavin wet some of the bandages with some water from the bottle, and began dabbing the blood from Michael’s face. He gave a pleased but rueful smile. “How, though… well, your friends James and Elyse let us in last night. Me and Trevor and Matt have been hiding under the bleachers since late last night – Meg and Jack were hiding in a storage closet until James and Elyse let them out to lure the Commander’s son away – Lindsay and Geoff had the hardest job, I think; they only had an hour between changes in the Soldiers on wall-watch to sneak up there, knock them all out and set up the signal, but Geoff was ecstatic, he loves doing stealthy things like that – and Jeremy and Ryan kept Andy safe outside the wall so they could set up the explosives…”

“Which is why I thought they would be here by now, because all they had to do was blow the doors and go.” Gavin’s hands had stilled by now on Michael’s cheek as he looked around, anxiously attempting to will the others to come from the trees.

Michael quashed the feelings of guilt threatening to overcome him – _what if someone was hurt rescuing me, what if we lose a member of the group, what will I do –_ and leant his head into Gavin’s frozen hand, kissing the palm gently. Gavin sighed, turning his eyes back to Michael. Michael watched as Gavin’s eyes began to well with tears, splashing over and tracking down his face. Michael pulled Gavin to his chest, burying his head in the crook of Gavin’s shoulder.

Gavin’s hands gripped Michael’s shirt repeatedly, his grip loosing and tightening as though it would pull Michael closer to him. For a moment, they just held each other.

“I don’t know what to do,” whispered Gavin finally, pulling away from Michael slowly. Michael raised his head from Gavin’s shoulder, as at much of a loss as his boyfriend. “Should we –“

 _Crack._ Gavin’s face was right in front of his, and then it wasn’t. Michael blinked, his mind three seconds behind his vision. Gavin was on the ground, eyes rolled back in his head and blood seeping already through his sandy hair, and there was – 

_The Professor._

Professor Hardy stood before him, hunched over and breathing heavily. In his hand he held a jagged pipe, frightening similar to the poles that had once held the daises in their elevated positions. Michael could only watch in horror as the Professor snarled barbarically, looking utterly deranged, and fell on top of Michael. 

Michael pushed back as the Professor used his weight to hold him down, his hands grappling Michael’s shirt and arm in a frightening similar way to what Gavin had just done. There was no love behind his grip, though – or was there?

Michael fought weakly against the Professor’s hands for a moment, worried he was trying to bludgeon him with the pole too, but slowed as he found Hardy was not necessarily attacking him.

Michael finally heard the deranged mutterings the Professor was making, and his breath caught in his throat. Hardy was grasping at his arm, pulling his shirt aside, his fingers clawing at the fresh incisions on his body that the Academics themselves had made just yesterday. His fingers pulled the cuts in the crook of Michael’s elbow open and the blood began to well up, and Hardy’s mutterings got quicker and more indecipherable. 

“P-professor!” Michael gasped, trying to pull his arm back. “Wha – “ 

The Professor’s eyes widened, looking to Michael as though he had just seen him. A bolt of anger passed through his eyes and suddenly his hand caught Michael across the face, sending him sprawling to his side. 

The Professor fell on him once more, pulling him to a sitting position by the front of his shirt and Michael saw stars. “Don’t _speak,_ ” he hissed. “You will be returning with me – you are the future, _our_ future, _my future_ ; I will not let you go, you will not go _, you are mine –“_

As he spoke, faster and faster, he began to shake Michael. His fists slammed against Michael’s chest with each shake, leaving him coughing and gasping. Michael reached out desperately, his hand finding the one thing of value he could reach – the Professor’s face. Michael clawed at his cheek, trying to gouge his eye and force him to release him.

But the Professor snarled and slammed down on top of Michael, straddling him easily and using his knee to hold Michael’s arm down. The other knee he pressed into Michael’s chest, crushing his diaphragm and winding him instantly. Slowly, as Michael began to splutter, his hands slipped forward, releasing Michael’s shirt, and pressing to his throat.

Madness was in the Professor’s eyes as his hands wrapped around Michael’s neck, forcing down with the whole weight of his body. Immediately the rest of the air was punched out of Michael’s lungs, and he could hear this awful gasping noise he himself was making, but he was powerless to stop the Professor. His knees were against the Professor’s stomach and he tried to push out frantically, but the Professor was a dead weight atop him. 

It had become exceedingly clear that the Professor had come to bring him back to Haven or kill him, and had let whatever insanity blooming in his brain make the final decision of the two.

Even as the Professor pressed the life out of him, Michael could tell he wasn’t even sure at that moment which one he wanted to do more. His eyes flicked with sadistic pleasure to Michael’s terrified eyes, but every now and then there was a flicker of fear and horror at his own hands…

And then the look would disappear, and his fingers choked the life from Michael harder than ever.

Michael’s vision was blackening, his hand scrabbling loosely on the ground. His heartbeat was deafening in his ears as he tried desperately to find a solution, but nothing was around; no rock to brain the Professor with, no ally running from the trees, no revival of Gavin, who lay frighteningly still by the river… 

Then, as if on cue, Michael watched a zombie stumble from the trees in the direction Hardy had emerged. 

Michael could feel his heart slowing, the oxygen starvation to his brain setting in. In his final moments of panic and terror, he mustered every ounce of strength he had and drove his legs up into Hardy’s stomach. Hardy had relaxed slightly, seeing Michael powerless in the throes of death before him, that Michael's knees caught him off guard. He was sent flying off Michael and backwards.

And the zombie, just a few feet away now, seized the Professor and pulled his head to his mouth. The Professor screamed as the zombie bit his cheek and ear, struggling and flailing.

But even as the zombie crushed his skull in his hands, Professor Hardy never took his mad eyes off Michael.

Michael, gasping for breath, threw himself back towards Gavin’s body as the zombie fell onto the Professor’s. Dizzy and disorientated, Michael fumbled around Gavin’s waist, refusing to look at his face until the danger had passed. He found Gavin’s gun – _the pistol… did he pack it knowing it was the only one Michael could use?_ – and checked the chamber. One bullet. Still wheezing, tears and blood running down his face, Michael levelled the gun and sighted the feasting zombie.

The thunderous bang of a gunshot filled the clearing. The zombie’s hands moved a few seconds more, but without its head it fell forward, coming to a crumpled heap atop the Professor’s decapitated body. Michael gave a sobbing cry, falling atop Gavin’s chest and sucking in air with everything he had. He windpipe felt utterly mangled, but it was nothing compared to the terror he felt for Gavin.

Slowly, he raised his eyes to Gavin’s face.

Blood caked the left side of Gavin’s face, but it was slowing to a gluggish trickle now, pooling under his head. His eyes were ever so slightly open, showing the whites to the sky. Trembling, Michael dropped the gun and raised his hand to place under Gavin’s nose.

Nothing. Michael felt the tears dripping down his cheeks harder than ever, but refused to withdraw his hand, refused to believe Gavin was… was – 

The lightest exhale of breath ghosted over Michael’s fingers.

Michael’s breath caught in his own throat with the force of the relieved sob that tore from his lungs. Lightly, he slapped Gavin’s cheek. Still, Gavin did not stir.

Suddenly, a noise behind Michael stilled his hand. He turned quickly to see, with a sinking heart, another zombie emerging from the trees. It shuffled slowly, pausing to deliberate between the fresh meat of Professor Hardy or Michael and Gavin.

Michael, meanwhile, was jittery with terror. He grabbed the gun again, though he already knew it was empty. A quick roll of the chamber confirmed that. The zombie, its tattered clothes swaying in the light breeze, turned its eyes from the Professor with a decisive look at Michael and Gavin. It seemed to be sniffing the air hungrily and it began to shuffle quickly towards them, Michael and Gavin’s blood apparently thick in the air. 

Michael’s fluttering hands subdued on Gavin’s chest. There were no options left. He didn’t have the weapons to defend; he didn’t have the strength to fight. He laid his body on Gavin’s chest and closed his eyes tightly. He was confident that the others would be able to escape with the Professor dead and he was hopeful that the zombie would take him before Gavin. If Gavin were awake, he’d chastise him for doing this, but the last couple of days had been so long. If this was how it was going to be, then so be it.

The funny thing was that after everything that had happened, he didn’t feel like a coward for doing this. Haven considered cowardice to be running from a battle; the residents of Achievement City thought taking one’s lot in life lying down was cowardice.

Michael didn’t feel like either were cowardice. In that moment, protecting Gavin with his body, he decided that he didn’t care what either group thought. He felt no fear in this moment. He’d already hit rock bottom. There was nothing left to be afraid of. 

He was not Soldier Michael or Gavin’s Michael, he was just Michael.

Michael listened to Gavin’s heartbeat, thudding comfortingly on, and ignored the sounds shuffling ever closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to my two newest commenters, Keelerpeeler and Queerfeministfeline! Kudos to the pair of you - only a couple of chapter left, you don't have to wait for long to hear how this ends! In fact... only two chapters left. Hope you all have enjoyed it so far, and thank you for your kind words and encouragement! Same to everyone who has dropped a kudos.


	32. Chapter 32

With Gavin’s heartbeat in his ear, Michael could almost pretend they were asleep in their room, the sun just rising, the heat from its rays warming his back. 

As someone becoming very skilled at pretending to be somewhere he wasn’t, he could almost have convinced himself he was – if the zombie hadn’t given such a horrible, gurgling howl just a few meters from him.

But just as the howl broke him out of his reverie, a deafening boom echoed through the clearing for a second time. Michael pressed his face into Gavin’s chest firmer, barely daring to look up. Having just made peace with death again, he almost didn’t want to believe he’d been saved again.

In spite of himself, he looked up.

Lindsay was standing were the zombie had just been, her gun aloft and the creature itself now in pieces at her feet. Her eyes were wide and she was motionless looking at the gore and blood across the clearing, not to mention the unmoving bodies of her friends.

As Michael stirred, though, she gave a choked cry and sprinted across the clearing to him. Just behind her, Michael watched Jeremy explode from the darkened trees. A moment later, Ryan emerged too, jogging in the way someone carrying something that ought not be jostled does; Geoff was just behind him, his eyes darting from Andy slung across Ryan’s back to the trees around them.

That was the last thing Michael saw before Lindsay’s form enveloped him. She was quivering and released him quickly, her eyes wordlessly roaming his battered face before looking to Gavin. Michael gestured helplessly to him; she took his meaning and began to administer first aid to Gavin rather than Michael as the others ran up.

“ _Michael –_ “ gasped Jeremy. “Oh my god, I thought we were nearly too late – you’re a _mess,_ what the fuck happened?! _Gavin_ –“

He dropped to his knees, pulling Michael into a hasty hug. Michael could now see Ryan behind him, his gun pointed into the trees. He looked very much like he wanted to come over, but had designated himself watch-duty by necessity. Geoff was pulling Andy from his back carefully – she was crying and calling for her dads desperately. Michael could only imagine she’d had quite a scarring day for a toddler. 

“Michael.”

Michael looked back to see Jeremy looking at him with alarmed concern. “Are you with me? What happened?” 

Michael knew he looked a mess. His neck felt like the bloodiest open wound he’d ever had – he had been both hung and strangled today, after all. He felt a new cut that was dribbling blood down his cheek from the Professor’s strike. On top of that, he felt every injury the Soldiers’ beatings had given him re-open, as well as the experiments of the Academics and James’ pistol whip all the way back at Achievement City.

More than anything, though, he was just emotionally exhausted. All he wanted was for Gavin to wake up and tell him that he was okay.

“The Professor…” Michael tried, his voice sounding a million miles away and as weak and hoarse as a chain smoker. “Attacked us… hit Gavin with a pipe… tried to strangle me… I kicked him into a zombie…” 

He rattled off the story to Jeremy, his voice fading and coming in patches the whole time. All the while, he was watching Lindsay bind Gavin’s head and try to wake him. As Michael watched, his voice petering out, Lindsay’s gentle slaps to Gavin’s cheek began to work. He stirred ever so slightly, and finally his eyes blinked open.

Michael crawled wordlessly back to Gavin’s side and seized his hand. “What happened?” Gavin mumbled, raising his other hand to his head. 

“The Professor –“ Michael tried to say, but his voice had officially given up on him. At this point Geoff came over, relief on his face, and knelt beside Gavin too. Andy was squirming in his arms, complaining quietly now, and Gavin placed his hand in hers automatically. With his other hand, and considerably more effort, he reached for Michael’s hand. Michael seized it. 

As Jeremy began to explain gently to Gavin what had happened and Lindsay helped him slowly to a sitting position, Ryan audibly cocked his gun. As they all stiffened and Ryan gazed intently into the trees, six figures staggered from the brush.

Ryan dropped his gun instantly, relief and worry clouding his face. Jack led the group, supported slightly by Meg. They were followed by Elyse and James, holding hands tightly and looking nervous, and Trevor and Matt, both of whom were glancing over their shoulders frequently.

Instantly, the others were on their feet to greet the rest of the group. Jack looked a mess, bruises blossoming across her cheeks and dirt-filled cuts along her arms and legs. Immediately Geoff and Ryan were on her, pulling her from Meg’s grasp and fussing loudly. The rest gathered, hastily swapping stories of their escape and what had happened to Michael and Gavin.

Michael and Gavin themselves remained sitting on the ground together as the others came up in batches to hug them. Too exhausted to talk, they listened to the group’s worried chatter and began to piece together what had happened to them all. 

Jeremy and Ryan had been about to escape with Andy into the woods when they noticed Geoff and Lindsay being held at gunpoint by two Soldiers on the wall. Jeremy had run to the wall to help while Ryan waited with Andy ( _“I felt so helpless – if you hadn’t made me promise not to go into combat with Andy, I swear –“_ ). Unexpectedly, though, the Soldiers were indecisive about were they stood on the intruders, and after seeing Michael run past with the others, they simply let them go.

“They looked so troubled,” Lindsay said. “It was like they didn’t even know why they were there anymore.” 

After the doors blew and Meg ran to release Michael, the Commander had made a full run for Jack and the pair had forgone weapons for a hand-to-hand brawl ( _“God damn it, Jack –“…“Well, what was I supposed to do?”…“Not **that** –“). _It had been a fairly evenly matched scuffle, but Elyse and James were struggling to keep Anthony _and_ the Haven members at bay, so Elyse had taken matters into her own hands.

“ _Where?_ You did not –“

“In the butt,” Elyse said, blushing crimson as the group looked to her with disbelief. “I shot Anthony in the butt.”

“And it worked really well,” said James defensively, pulling Elyse close to his side.

“No, I’m not saying it was bad -” said Trevor, who had spoken first. “I’m just… wow.” 

With the Commander distracted by her screaming son, Jack, Elyse and James were able to make their escape. They encountered Meg, Trevor and Matt outside and dispatched the last of the horde together. Surprisingly, they were also joined by a number of Soldiers, but the Soldiers had done nothing as they had fled into the woods.

“They didn’t follow you?” asked Ryan anxiously, still cupping Jack’s face in his hands while turning it this way and that.

“I don’t think so, but we can’t be sure,” said Matt. Behind him, Jeremy and Trevor had taken watch as the others began to divvy out equipment and trade backpacks. “We gotta get out of here, now.”

“Right you are,” said Jack briskly, ignoring her fussing husbands. She approached Gavin and Michael by the stream, only the slightest wobble in her step. “How are you two feeling? Can you stand?”

Gavin and Michael looked at each other, both wincing at the sight of the other’s face. Gavin cracked a smile at their matching expressions, and Michael couldn’t help but smile too. Wordlessly, they stood up together, holding one another for support. 

Jack stepped up, holding her hand to Michael’s cheek silently. Michael was reminded acutely of the first day he met her, and the same tenderness with which she had touched him then. She had the slightest, saddest smile on her face, the compassion that existed in every cell of her body evident through the crease in her eyebrows.

“Let’s go home,” she said softly, running her hand through Michael’s hair. Michael felt his eyes go hot and he ducked his head, stammering.

“Jack – I – Jack, thank _–“_

“That’s quite enough from you, now,” she said, patting his cheek. “I don’t want to hear a word more from you. You would have done the same – hell, more – for any one of us. We’re your family. Don’t you forget it.”

Michael ducked his head into Gavin’s chest, swallowing the tears. Jack patted his head once more, and turned back to the group. The scene mirrored the one she had turned from, in a way, given that everyone was misty-eyed and trying not to catch each other’s eyes.

“Alright, let’s get the fuck out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ONE CHAPTER LEFT!!!!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone - and thank you especially to this week's new commenter, PaintTheSkyWithStars! A lovely username and a lovely comment - you all make my day when I see the comments rolling in after I post a chapter. The notes on the next chapter are probably going to be longer than the actual chapter for all the things I want to say to you sweet people!


	33. Chapter 33

For someone as touched-starved as Michael was right now, gathering closer in the clearing with the team to go over their exit strategy was almost overwhelming.

Ryan and Meg stood in the middle, a crude map from Meg’s trading days being the main focus of their attention. Geoff was at Michael’s shoulder, absentmindedly running his fingers gently through Gavin’s blood-caked hair; Jack held Andy now as she nestled into Geoff’s back and listened. Jeremy and Lindsay stood behind Ryan and Meg protectively, interjecting every now and then. James and Elyse were holding hands and looking to the others, a mixture of nervousness and admiration on their faces. Only Matt and Trevor stood a short distance away, still on watch but listening.

Michael didn’t really listen as they pointed in directions and talk lowly. He kept his hand tightly in Gavin’s as Gavin idly stroked his hand with his thumb.

It was then that the almost-peaceful (to Michael, at least) family moment was broken.

A thundering of footsteps came though the trees and before Trevor or Matt could react, they were on top of them. Five figures shot from the dark, running faster than any of them had ever seen people run. One collided instantly with Trevor and sent them both hurtling head-over-heels. The other four, meanwhile, stopped like a car braking from a short distance; one slipped to his knees in his effort to stop and another pair seized each other as if doing so would help. 

The groups reacted automatically. Guns and bows were drawn and pointed at random while people shouted and attempted to make sense of the chaos. After a moment or so, though, it became clear who the people were.

“ _Bruce_?” said James disbelievingly, peaking around Ryan’s protective stance. “Guys – what are you doing here?”

“I – “ chest heaving, Bruce looked around the clearing with a guarded expression. Beside him, Adam heaved Lawrence quickly to his feet, while Peake sidled closer to where Barbara was, sitting on Trevor. 

She had collided with Trevor and clearly had chosen to make the best of a bad situation by holding him as a sort-of hostage. He was on his side as she dug a knee in his stomach, with her gun in his cheek. He was looking to Matt, frozen, as Matt helplessly held his gun steadily to Barbara.

“Well, _we_ were hoping to come with you,” said Bruce. He looked at the others. Adam squared his jaw and nodded, lowering his gun unexpectedly. Bruce followed suit, and Lawrence and Peake did the same. Only Barbara was left, panting and looking around with a cornered expression. 

“Barbara, c’mon,” Bruce said softly. He turned back to the group, who were glancing to one another uncertainly. James and Elyse looked to Michael, all three trying to silently communicate what they thought.

“We didn’t mean to jump out on you like that,” Adam murmured. “We were just trying to catch up before you left and – before everyone at Haven caught on.”

Finally, Barbara stood up off of Trevor, lowering her gun and stepping back towards the others. Trevor rolled onto his back and sat up, looking with a furious expression towards Barbara. The moment he laid his eyes on her, though, his jaw slackened and he looked – for all intents and purposes – utterly dumfounded.

“What do you think?” said Ryan lowly, turning his back for a moment to whisper to James, Elyse and Michael. “Spies?”

The three looked at one another.

“No,” said Elyse softly. “They wouldn’t. They’re here for us.”

Looking back at the five newcomers, it became clear that she was exactly right. They all seemed to be holding themselves back from running over to James, Elyse and Michael. Bruce had his hand comfortingly on Lawrence’s forearm, who was glancing quickly back and forth between Barbara and Elyse. 

“Adam did shoot me once, though,” muttered Michael. Though he was quiet, the sound carried, and unexpectedly – and almost in spite of themselves – the whole new group gave a little snort of laughter. Adam, on the other hand, blushed crimson.

“It was an accident!” Adam said. “When will I live this down?”

“I could have died!” Michael retorted. “How could you have forgotten the safety was off?!” 

“Okay, okay,” said James, exasperated. “We’re not having this argument again. I think you’re telling the truth, but – well, I asked you a week ago if you wanted to leave Haven. I asked you all. Why have you changed your minds all of a sudden?”

“Professor Hardy,” said Peake shortly. “ And because of what  _she_ said.”

He gestured towards Jack. The others nodded, looking down with troubled expressions. 

“He really… he really was sacrificing Soldiers to find a cure,” said Barbara quietly. “Sean, Layla, Harry, Dmitri, Duke… they all went on assignment with him and never came back. I thought they were just dangerous assignments, but… do you think…oh, I think he killed them on purpose.” 

Michael was frozen, finally beginning to put names to what the Professor had said to him earlier.

_And for the first time – we’d lost ten subjects and nothing, but this time – It worked._

“I was supposed to go on private assignment with him in two weeks,” Adam muttered. “Me and Bruce.” 

“Well, it doesn’t matter now,” said Michael abruptly. The others looked at him, wincing and horrified by the state of him. Michael gestured to the remains not fifteen feet from them. “That’s him there. That’s Professor Hardy.”

In spite of themselves, the others gave shocked gasps that they bit off quickly. The clearing was silent for a moment. Finally, Adam spoke.

“That’s probably for the best,” he murmured. “He would have never have stopped ‘till he got you.”

James, Elyse and Michael eyed each other momentarily. It was clear from just a glance what they all thought. Michael nodded at Ryan, and Ryan sighed dramatically and gestured the group forward. As everyone sheathed their weapons, the new five broke into smiles and surged forward to meet James, Elyse and Michael.

A cluster of hugging broke out and excited catching-up followed. The group immediately began mercilessly mocking James and Elyse for secretly dating and not telling them. The pair blushed furiously the whole time, but both had a private smile.

“Hey, have you guys met everyone?” said James loudly, cutting off Adam in the middle of a particularly X-rated comment about Elyse and James’ relationship. “Have you guys met Gavin?”

It was now Michael’s turn to blush, but Gavin took it in his stride easily.

“He’s introducing me first because I’m the only one he knows the name of,” said Gavin, still leaning partly on Michael with a slightly glazed expression on his face. “But hi, I’m Gavin. Michael’s boyfriend.”

With that came a round of introductions as Michael pointed out the other members of Achievement City. Michael felt an inexplicable warmth in his chest to see them all interacting and laughing with each other, his old friends and his new family. A year ago, it would have seemed impossible. It would have _been_ impossible, no two ways about it.

“And that’s Matt… and Trevor,” Michael finally finished, pointing to the pair. They were still a short ways away from the group, a little behind them. With Michael’s indication, the group turned to look at them.

Trevor was still sitting down, following Barbara’s movements with a stricken expression on his face. Matt cleared his throat and kneed Trevor in the back pointedly. Blinking rapidly, Trevor came to life, looking around with a surprised expression to find everyone looking at him. 

“I – yeah! No – what’s going on?”

Jeremy audibly groaned and Ryan looked up to the sky, with a ‘ _Lord help me_ ’ sort of expression. Matt just pulled Trevor to his feet with a sigh. 

“Did everyone see me do that?” muttered Trevor to Matt, his words clearly carrying. At this point, Meg pressed her face into Lindsay’s shirt and Lindsay winced visibly.

The new five were bewildered, Barbara herself blinking with confusion. Michael shrugged helplessly. “He’s not normally this weird.” 

“You might just be the first girl that's not Lindsay or Meg that he’s met in years,” said Gavin with an innocent grin. Barbara’s eyes widened with understanding and she looked at Trevor, suddenly self-conscious. At this point, Geoff was patting Trevor on the shoulder. 

“That was awkward as dicks, dude,” he said. “Walk it off.” 

“Alright,” said Ryan loudly, pulling everyone’s attention from Trevor. “Quick question: were you followed?”

The group answered in the negative. Ryan looked to Jack. She took over, her authoritative voice immediately perking up the ears of the new five and making them stand straighter automatically.

“Excellent,” she said briskly. “Welcome to the team. We must start moving now, though. We can catch up more on the road. Bags on backs, let’s get going.” 

Michael watched the two groups gather and mingle, a little nervously and tentatively. He did not know that in the days to come, his families would merge seamlessly. Elyse and Lindsay would get on like a house on fire, their unconcerned and energetic natures relaxing the groups easily.

He didn’t know that in the weeks to come, Trevor would finally relax and gather up the nerve to speak to Barbara, though many more awkward moments ensued before they finally got together. 

He didn’t know that they would spent months on the road together, moving as far away from Haven as possible before they found what they hadn’t realised they’d been searching for – their next home. It came in the form of an estate house on a gradually inclining hill, surrounded by a small iron fence. With a small border already established, it only took a few days of clearing the house of its previous zombie inhabitants before Jack declared it was their new home. 

Reinforcing the border began in earnest and soon their makeshift base would grow and expand with the toil of the fifteen people (and one very energetic toddler) who lived there. In these months, James and Elyse would also fall pregnant, to the surprise of everyone in the group but Jack and Lindsay (who had been preparing for it since the moment they joined the group). Lawrence and Matt joined the latter pair as their new medical assistants, and helped deliver James and Elyse’s baby when it eventually arrived – a little boy they named Benson. With that, their family became seventeen.

Perfecting the wall would take over a year and a half, but in this time the group grew closer than ever. Adam and Jeremy became exceedingly good friends (originally bonding over simply looking the same) and Peake began to join Ryan and Michael in their morning training. Bruce and Geoff became the quartermasters of the house, bonding over their preference for gentleness and love for organisation. 

When the wall was finally built and their house (nearly full to bursting) had been repaired, it had been nearly two years since leaving Haven. Their group had an easy rhythm and everyone had clear roles in the team. With so many people and so much land space, the next obvious choice was to build new houses outwards, and in the years and years to come they would build a whole town within the walls of their new Achievement City.

Meg would open a trading post at their new base, joined by her new assistants – Trevor and Matt. Lindsay and Jack would become well-known as competent doctors, sought after for miles around. Trevor and Barbara had a baby girl, and then Geoff and Ryan and Jack had two more – twin daughters, to Andy’s horror (she had wanted a brother).

Eventually word got out about their little town, and new members would come to their doors, begging for refugee and aid. They welcomed all who came to their doors, with only one rule for governance – everyone had a say. 

In these new members, everyone who wanted a partner would eventually find one. Their family grew and grew and grew, and Michael and the other ex-Haven members would sometimes find themselves thinking about how this was a little like Haven… and then they would kick themselves, and go back to work. The things that happened at Haven were never things they forgot, but they would never go back to it.

Gavin and Michael would spend their lives together. Haven never pursued them again, though Michael sometimes thought about how the Commander and Anthony might still be alive. Regardless, they never came. If they did, they would have found a base with impenetrable walls and fiercely loyal members.  They would give up at the gates before even trying to get in.

Gavin and Michael were some of the first to build their own house outside of the main estate, a tiny cottage halfway up the hill. With a big skylight, Michael could always watch the moon at nights, Gavin cuddled close. Eventually, they would adopt an abandoned child they found while raiding, a little girl they called Ophelia.

Years and years and years later, when they had all grown quite a bit older and their children were well on their way to being grown-up, word would reach them that someone had found a cure. Glancing at one another in that moment, they would all smile and shake their heads, and say they’d believe it when they saw it. They never found out if Michael really was the cure, but it didn’t really matter. They had each other, they were safe. They could keep each other safe. It was all they could ask for. 

That was decades in the future, and Michael knew none of what the future would hold in that moment, watching his found family retreat into the trees. 

Right now, he was just happy to have Gavin’s hand in his, and everyone he ever loved right there in his sights. Jack shooed the group forward through the trees, sighing with exasperation as the group dawdled and her husbands kissed her on the cheeks and pulled her forward too. For a moment, it was just Gavin and Michael in the clearing.

Gavin kissed Michael, slow and deep. Pulling away with a tiny smile, he pulled Michael’s hand towards where the others had left.

And maybe Michael always was a follower. Maybe it didn’t matter where or how he grew up – he always would have been. But with Gavin’s hand in his, tugging his on, and the backs of these extraordinary people he now considered his family just in front of him – he decided he didn’t mind that much. 

He’d follow them till the end of this earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anddd that’s a wrap!!!!!!!!
> 
> So there were just a few things I wanted to say before I signed off for the last time of this story. The reason I added Barbara x Trevor in at the end is mainly because they’re so damn cute, but it’s also something of a time reference for me. The thing is that I actually began writing this story nearly two years ago now, and I only finished writing it about a month ago. I try to have the whole story written before posting it, so this story has kind–of been a constant for me over the past two years, starting all the way back when I got obsessed with the 7 Days to Die series on Achievement Hunter. It’s wild to think that they don’t even produce that series now, but I’m glad I stuck with it.
> 
> Most importantly to me is to thank everyone who posted a comment and dropped a kudos. It’s a little like social media in a way – I’m very much fuelled by the encouragement I get from people responding to what I put out! So I’d like to thank all the people who commented, and especially those who’ve been here since the beginning and commented on every damn chapter. zoewinter1, Nydac_pool, Mundane fall, Sophiabell, D, SentientMoss, JayJay2111, Fredrick II, Zipzap42, Thatchickwiththepigtails, toto93, Hydraslayerz, Lepor9, Riovotaire, Concord_bees, saturn_the_Almighty, Spellbound nova, Mond, Cat, AlyTyler, ApolloisSilent, DoctorWinchesterHolmes, TheDothrookie, Celexa, Nonbinaryvamp, Andrew Michael Baier, Keelerpeeler, Queerfeministfeline, PaintTheSkyWithStars and Jaxon – this is a massive thank you to all of you. You are the reason I keep writing. 
> 
> Lastly, a big thank you to everyone who may read this in the future. I hope you enjoyed it. Congrats on making it to the end – it’s a bit long, but I’m a little proud of it.
> 
> Love always,   
> ZazzyZ


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